Yes, I'm quiet. I don't need you tell me this every fifteen minutes

The BBQ Pit
1

As I’m at the bottom of my office totem pole, I work in cubicle farm. I don’t mind the cramped quarters, and I’ve even gotten used to hearing everyone’s conversations because I can just put on the earbuds when it gets too loud (which it often does, since I sit next to Miss Laughy McLaugherson). Overall, my first year as a environmental data analyst has been pretty good.

But over the past week, I’ve been irritated a few times. I admit that I might be oversensitive and need to lighten the hell up, but just hear me out. Why is it necessary for the same person to continually tell me that I’m too quiet? She sits two cubicles down from me, and every couple of hours, she will stroll by my entrance to tell me this, in a baby-voiced, “I’m concerned about your sanity” kind of way. If it just happened once a day, I would just shrug it off, but since it seems to happen on the hour, every hour, sometimes I just want to scream, “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!”

Being quiet does not mean I’m sad. It doesn’t mean I’m asocial, either. Yes, I’m dysthymic, but she does not know this. No one in the office knows this because I do a good job of hiding it. As far as anyone knows, I’m just a quiet person who limits most of her socializing to the break room. And when people come to my cubicle–and lots of people do, for some reason–I do talk to them. I’m a regular Oprah Winfrey, with a studio audience and everything. I just don’t go rooting around for people to chat with. Why? Because I’m not getting paid to talk. I’m getting paid to work! Also, I’m the kind of person who becomes totally engrossed in work. It’s actually painful to pull away when I get “in the zone”.

Pressuring me to talk when I don’t want to makes monstro ANGRY!!!

While I’m in whiny-ranty mode, let me continue. I also wish she wouldn’t ask where I’m going when I jet out early. It’s really none of her business, and if she’s really curious, she can just look on the damn Outlook calendar and see that I’ve got a doctor’s appointment. And if she really wants to be nosy, she can see that I have had a doctor’s appointment every week for the last three weeks, and that I will continue to have them for quite some time*. To be fair, I probably would be curious too, but I think I would have sense enough to just figure it out on my own. Or at least keep the question to myself.

Don’t get me wrong. I like this person. I think she, like me, are just victims of the horrible cubicle farm. If we worked in our own offices, I could be as quiet as I’d like, and no one would see my comings and goings. And she wouldn’t feel compelled to be more personal than she’s entitled. So I’m blaming our physical work environment more than I’m blaming her. In ten years or so, I will have a room with a door and this won’t be problem.

*I hope this therapy works because the co-pays are killing me, and it’s been pretty awkward having to leave work in the middle of the day and returning to a bunch of curious people. But if it works, maybe I’ll have the guts to tell people what’s really bothering me instead of saving it all for the Pit.

2

I sympathize with you completely. Our technical department just moved from our nice cloisters upstairs, which were completely silent even when everyone was there (rarely, since we spend alot of time in the field) to a new area downstairs where the rest of the company is (long story). The rest of the company is pretty non-technical, and they talk, and go to each others cube, and talk, and use the fucking speakerphone!

Our department uses IM to talk to each other, so when we were all alone all you heard was typing, so not to disturb people in the zone. Now, we can’t get away from the noise! There is a row of offices across from me, and I almost got up and slammed the doors of two people who have adjoining offices, yet felt compelled to have a personal conversation with each other over the speakerphone with their office doors open! And it was the most inane conversation about something the persons Aunt achieved.

If you can change your work hours at all, I highly reccomend it. I did this before to beat traffic, but I come in at 6:30 - 7 and leave at 3:30 - 4. The talkers don’t get in until 8:30-9, so that gives me a couple of hours to work undisturbed. My days are not as productive as before, thats for sure though.

3

I am so with you here.

Irritating co-worker: You sure are quiet, is everything ok?

Me: No, I decided this morning to start killing people that annoy me. You’re first.
Ok, I’ve never gotten those actual words out. But one day…

4

I wish I could help you. I feel your pain.

On my last IT job, I got to where I’d put up signs that said “Piss off” or “Go Away Right Now” - until my boss made me take them down - because I got so tired of having my headphones on and being so deeply engrossed in my work… And then some jackass would come along and completely destroy my stream of consciousness and everything I had worked out and was trying to get into the computer. Like being in the cockpit of a fighter jet at Mach 6 and suddenly slamming into the ground. I’d be angry and disoriented for several minutes, then I’d have to go for a walk, get my head back together and try to figure out where I had been with my work.

All I can do is suggest that you mention this “engrossment” to her and ask that when you’re in that mode, that she kindly leave you the fuck alone.

5

Chimera, I feel your pain. A couple of times every week, someone comes into my cubicle unannounced and startles the bejebus out of me. It used to be that they would do it unintentionally, but now people do it just to get their kicks since I never fail to let out the loudest, most blood-curteling scream. It makes them laugh. And even I thought it was funny the first one-hundred times it happened. But now it’s just a long-running joke that has gotten old.

One day they’re going to make me pee in my pants and they’ll be sorry.

6

You are breaking down the social community. People find this uncomfortable.

http://www.nytimes.com/books/97/03/09/reviews/970309.09angiert.html

http://www.springerlink.com/content/lh4172l011v65550/

7

Ah, cube hell.

On the other side of our cube farm are three people in the same department, separated by one desk. So they sit like this:

X x XX

Where the big X’s are where they sit. Now, I sit directly opposite the little x, a friend of mine, even though we don’t work in the same dept.

Far Left X will continually discuss work stuff with the two Right X’s, basically yelling the discussion over Little x’s head. One time Right X had a conference call at her desk VIA SPEAKERPHONE! We have plenty of conference rooms, and there is generally enough empty offices around with all the traveling the salespeople do. I did make a complaint about that one to their boss, and it hasn’t happened since.

I’ve learned to tune it out (no headphones, since I’m a manager, so I can’t exactly make the world go away) but I do have my radio, and I’m so oblivious to what’s going on around me that I didn’t know the guy in the office behind me had been fired until six weeks later.

8

monstro, you have my deepest sympathies. That sounds like absolutely no fun.

As for the idiots startling you on purpose - have you mentioned this to your supervisor? Once or twice would be completely understandable, but as it is, it sounds like it’s starting to dip into harassment. Whether it meets the legal definition, or not, it is seriously uncool - what’s wrong with knocking on the frame of the cubicle, for pity’s sake?

I wouldn’t, in your shoes, want to make complaints that could be construed as being indicative of mental health problems. No matter what the ADA might say, most people are still serious assholes about it. But that behavior shouldn’t be something you feel you have to tolerate. Explain it simply as a joke that’s gotten way too old and is seriously starting to piss you off - I’d think a good manager would think that sufficient reason to try to suppress it.

9

You just need to elaborate your startle response so that it involves spinning around and giving a swift boot to the nearest groin.

10

I think she’s got the hots for ya!

Seriously, you have my complete sympathy, monstro. I hate to have to listen to a bunch of blather, or noise of any kind for that matter. Just the other day I went to the Honda place to get my oil changed. When I went into the waiting area the TV was blaring. Nobody else was there so I muted it. Heh.

11

double post deleted

12

My feeling is that it provides a bit of levity to others, why make a big deal about it? After the screaming is over and my adrenaline goes down, I usually can laugh about it. It does suck having such a hair-trigger startle reflex, though. Even a gentle knock on the cubicle makes me jump. And I’m sure my screaming startles the others around me. They probably think I’m a histrionic drama-whore.

13

My cubicle is on the only direct path to the restrooms. There’s a lot of traffic (well over 100 people on the floor) and it’s constant. Like the OP I focus and therefore it’s easy to startle me and I “react.” So I took measures. I put up a sign with funny quotes. People stop and read it so I usually hear them snicker before they scare me. I put up several concave mirrors–one is attached to my monitor. (You can get them for about $3.00 at auto part stores.) They catch the motion of people approaching which gives me a subconscious alert to their presence. So now I only get the screaming startles a couple times a week.

However, last week I had an unexpected deadline. I needed to focus 100% on a complex, detail-oriented task for about three hours so I could get it to another colleague so he could take an unplanned vacation the next day. He absolutely needed two hours for his part of the work. Happy to do this. Really.

So I put up a cardboard “door” on my cubicle with a “do not disturb” note, explaining the deadline. Every single person who walked by–EVERY SINGLE ONE–made a comment–TO ME–about the door. “Do you need quiet today?” “What’s the project?” “Can I help?” “Is this always going to be here now?” “You do get a lot of traffic, don’t you?” “Why don’t you use a conference room?” Let’s see–Yes, I need quiet THAT’S WHY THE DOOR. I explained the project ON THE DOOR. Yes, you can help BY SHUTTING UP. In 30 years there’s never been a door before, NO IT WON’t ALWAYS BE THERE. Yes, I get a lot of traffic. Gee, I can’t imagine why I didn’t go to a conference room–maybe because I don’t have a lap top and I needed my COMPUTER???

I’m getting angry again just thinking about it. These are good friends, wonderful colleagues, but…damn.

14

Argh, this sounds like total HELL! WTF is it with people that they just can’t seem to leave anyone the hell alone? If I had to work in a cubicle the first thing I’d do would be to rearrange the desk so I face the door because I cannot stand people coming up behind me. Sitting this way also doesn’t allow anyone to comment on what’s on the screen, and also shows a preoccupied face to the world–it’s easier to justify yapping to someone’s back because the visual cues that say “I am BUSY, do NOT disturb me” aren’t immediately apparent. Then a nice sign hung on the back of the monitor that reads “Need to concentrate, please do not disturb, yes this DOES mean YOU!” takes care of the rest. Shifts the burden of rudeness and social disruption onto the actual offending party. It’s also easier to shoot offenders with a squirt gun this way until they get the hint. Any chance you can change your office around, monstro?

15

Cube life sure can suck. I sympathize with you, monstro. I once had my desk only a cubicle wall thickness from the senior VP’s secretary, and she chatted (pretty loudly) on the phone with her friends and family about 75% of the time. It drove me batty for several months until I learned to just tune it out. But I think you’re right-- that work environment is not conducive to a civil society.

One thing, though. You say you hide your dysthymia well, but is it possible that you’re not hiding it all that well and she senses it? I’m not suggesting that you confide in her or anything, and I’m not saying that excuses her behavior, but that might be something to consider.

I hope the therapy works!

16

Maybe she’s flirting with you, monstro. Are you a lady killer?

17

Yeah. I kill ALL the ladies.
(You do know that I’m a girl, right? Not that I couldn’t still be a lady-killer while also being a female. But in the case of my coworker, who’s quite married-with-children and straight, I’m just not her type.)

I’ve thought about this, but don’t know what more I can do. As I said, I do socialize. Moreso than I ever have, honestly. I always take a full lunch break, which I almost always spend with others (including at times this coworker). When people stop by to chat, I do. Usually quite willingly. So really, I don’t think I’m quiet at all. I think my problem is that this particular coworker often asks questions that I don’t want to answer. Like, if I have an plans for the weekend (the answer is usually no, which makes me feel compelled to lie) or if I’m making any progress on a manuscript that I’m writing (again, the answer is usually no, which makes me feel guilty). The other day, she asked if my leaving early meant I had exciting plans. All I could do was say no, with a fake-ass smile. If she wants to talk about her life, I’ll listen to her, just like I listen to all the boy-crazy drama from my other coworkers that I couldn’t care less about (the drama, not the coworkers). But I’m not going to spill all my beans just so she won’t be bored during her coffee break.

It doesn’t help that the other two coworkers who work in our vicinity are very sociable and share every bit of their personal lives, to very TMI levels (like who they are sleeping with, etc.). These coworkers and I are pretty close in age, so it may be tempting to conclude that I’m just like they are, even though it’s clear that I’m not.

18

Maybe you should tell her you have a doctor’s appointment and it’s personal, since you say it’s publicly viewable on the shared calendar. Maybe she’ll get a clue that it’s not something you like to talk about.

19

I think I’ve found the answer to most cube-woes. I posted it over in the stop interrupting me thread and now I submit for your approval the office air horn(video safe for work, except for a single use of the word “asshole” right at the very end). Just use it whenever the offending person opens their pie-hole and eventually they should leave you alone.

20

Have you said something like, “Yes, and that was true when you told me that twice/three times/etc. already today”?