Silence is Golden..or, cow-orkers shut up!

Dear Cow-orkers,

There are many times that we joke around and laugh about silly things in the office. There are times that we have good conversations, or times when I try to avoid the lot of you dragging me into a conversation about politics or religion (since none of you know anything about either). Then, there are times I want to strangle you with the phone cord.
Let’s call the first one…Pete…

Pete, you are a pretty nice guy. You got my keys out of my car when I stupidly locked them inside. You can be extremely moody, but I’m willing to overlook this. But please, for the love of God, for all that is sacred in this world, and for the salvation of my sanity, stop making weird noises! You beat on the desk, you make “zerbert”, “farting”, “raspberry” sounds with your mouth, sing “Josappy your bald headed pappy” (I don’t know if there is more to the song than that, that’s all he ever says), and make other strange comments throughout the day.

However, my biggest gripe is not with you…let’s discuss Nicole now. names have been changed to protect the guilty

Nicole, you cannot sing. You could not carry a tune in your Chevy Suburban. I cannot tell you how badly you butcher songs when they come on the radio. The rest of the office has told you, but you seem to think they are kidding. Let me assure you, they aren’t. When you sing Kelly Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This”, I want to cry…and it’s not because it’s a sappy song.

In closing, I would just like to ask the two of you to bring your muzzles to work in the future, or at least wait until I am in the warehouse before you begin your daily antics.

That is all.


I used to work with a girl, let’s call her Jill. Jill was hot as all Hell. I could spend all day staring at her ass. But she was so damn LOUD! I had to hear every single conversation she ever had on the phone.

“I can’t believe she’s still going out with him. I mean, like, he’s not even that good looking!”


Fortunately, she got transferred to another office. Maybe you’ll get lucky in that regard as well.

The CoW-Orkers strike again! Who are they? What do they want with the cows?!

I’ll do it…I’ll Do It! But I’m gonna Hate Myself In Da Morning…!

We recently got permission to wear headphones at work- in fact it’s encouraged to cut down on distracting outside coversations and interruptions. It’s bliss, pure bliss. Now I just look at the person, tap my earpiece and say- “Is it about work?” 9 times out of 10, they feel bad for interrupting and shake their heads no. Then they LEAVE as opposed to banging my ear for an hour (I’m a captive audience in the room I work in)

I think workplaces and airplanes should be “no talking” zones.

Sadly, this won’t happen. My company has 6 branches. Phoenix AZ, Atlanta GA, Troy MI, St. Joe MI, Houston TX, and Dayton OH.

Nowhere for them to transfer to…

:confused: Six branches = nowhere to be transferred to?

Not without a cross country relocation, is the point I got out of that.


I have issues with the person who sits in the cubicle directly behind me. She talks a bit louder than normal, so when her co-workers visit her or she is talking on the phone I (unfortunately!) can hear practically everything. :frowning: She also discusses her personal life quite frequently, not just on the phone with her friends but also with her co-workers (imho, she lets others in on -way- too much of her personal business, but that’s just my take on it). On top of this aspect, she has some personal habits that I’ve almost reached the end of my rope on the annoying scale with her! Every morning when she comes in, she cleans her keyboard–by -banging on it very loudly- (which sometimes scares me half to death). She also has sinus problems, and frequently does the (gross!) sniff-in. I don’t know how to convey what this is, and it really is one of the grosses things to hear, believe me–I have to hear it several times a day. :frowning:

She is a nice person, other than these habits; it’s just that the habits are fast overtaking her niceness in other areas as far as I’m concerned. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s going to move to another area (still in the building, but out of the office suite I’m in). However, it won’t be the end of my co-worker-from-hell problem. Another person is moving in who will probably prove to be worse! I’m already dreading it … however, I’m trying to be upbeat about it so am trying to keep the negatives off my mind. Cha, right. :smiley:

I once worked with a salesman who was, in my opinion, the loudest man alive. He had a loud, blaring voice, and whenever he was thinking of what to say next, he made this incredibly loud “aaaaaaaaaaaaa” sound (think air raid siren). Since he was in sales, he was on the phone 8 hours a day, blasting away for the whole office to hear (he had a door on his office, but would he ever close it? aaaaaaaaaaaaaa no.)

Where I work now, I’m away from the general bullpen which is very nice - I go over and talk when I want to talk. Unfortunately, my boss and her boss are just behind me, so I get to hear them blabbering away all day. And on special days, the big bosses from Toronto come in, and then they all stand behind my desk and talk and laugh and make really loud cell phone calls. Um, hello, peon trying to work here. Maybe you could take your socializing somewhere else?

Everyone in my lab has some annoying habits:

There’s J–who is very loud and laughs at EVERYTHING. Even stuff that’s not funny. Not only does she laugh, but she snorts and laughs. And she’s nosy. She’s the type of person who asks a personal question while excusing herself for being nosy. If you know you’re being nosy, STOP IT!

There’s the other J–who is very moody and negative. He feels compelled to state his displeasure at EVERYTHING EVERY TIME. Everyone is a cocksucker or an asshole. He doesn’t like anything or anyone. Plus, he can’t hide his superior intelligence. Yesterday I was talking to another coworker about ailanthus. This guy over heard us and basically repeated everything I had just finished saying. No one can possibly know as much as he does when we’re talking about something. He just won’t let it happen.

Then there’s L–who likes to repeat the same stories all the time. Like, the time her brother set fire to the barn. Or, her Extremely Difficult Thesis Exam when she did her Master’s. I know which of her siblings she hates. I know every little facet of her life.

Then there’s E–who is like Elmyra from Tiny Toons Adventure. Except a million times worse.

And there’s me–who is absolutely perfect in every way! :slight_smile:

Yeah, but the further away the better, right? :slight_smile:

when I work in the cubicle place, I’m near some one with a very loud voice.

I found out some time ago she has a hearing disability.

What NoClueBoy said…

Basically, they have both lived in TX for years, and have no intentions of moving. There are 37 people in the company. No one gets transferred.
Please, more cow-orker stories…you are almost making me feel better…

I’ll let you guys know when one of them disappears. My bet is on Nicole, whose husband and sugar daddy frequently call her at the same time…

Oh. Unfortunate for you, then.

I call it pernicious persiflage. In a small lab any amount of loud noise can be very disruptive. I often have to wear ear-plugs or headphones.

Hm - you can have MY cow-orker. I had been in a nice, quite office, until the Powers That Are decided that I needed to be more “accessible” to everyone. I don’t know who these people are that thought I wasn’t “accessible” - the door was unlocked and nobody had a problem coming into the office I was in anytime. But, whatever. They stuck me right next to Atkins Boy. When he’s not being AB, he’s busy being Stock Market guy. So now I get treated to all the details of his Atkins Diet Plan everytime someone walks by with food, and when he’s not discussing that, he’s discussing his 401(k) or his stock portfolio. Every once in a while this is broken up by him poking his head over the office wall and deciding to say something stupid, condescending, stone-blindingly obvious, or all three to me. Or to ask me something that generally boils down to “I know it’s my job, but you do it for me.”

You can have him. Really.

I count myself fortunate - all my coworkers are polite, quiet, and don’t get personal unless invited.


Lucky me.


I can handle the chick over my cube wall who [sub]whispers[/sub] pointless gossipy bullshit to anyone who’ll listen six hours out of the day. Or the guy who constantly tries to wow everyone with his knowledge of obscure bands or pretentious gourmet dishes. I can even live with RIDICULOUSLY LOUD AND JOLLY SALESMAN[sup]TM[/sup] who somehow manages to broadcast every petty ass-kissing comment to the entire floor.
But the hummer. OH, the hummer.
She hurts me. Every day, at 4:30 she stands at the copy machine and copies the day’s reports. It takes at least a half hour and the entire time she’s standing there she hums. And she hums poorly. There is no melody. No discernable tune. Simply a monotoned, inflectionless, drone of a hum.
Hmmmnnnnn. Hmmmnnnnn. Hmmnnnnn. Hmmmnnn.
It sounds almost like she’s very happily straining to pass a particularly stubborn stool. It’s really quite unsettling.

~coughs~ Yeah, this thread is a little old, but I forgot that I had said I would update it.

“Nicole” is gone, she quit! I took over her position a while back and life is much more bearable. “Pete” is still there, and is still rather annoying, but I can live with it.

However, we now have a new girl working in the warehouse. She’s ok, in a spacey way…though she likes to “party” 4-5 nights a week. Somehow, when she came in two and a half hours late one day last week, no one believed it was because she overslept after having stayed up too late the night before “doing laundry”.

What makes this exceptionally puzzling is that she has been working for us for a month now. She has worn the same pair of jeans every day. EVERY DAY. Not a similar pair, not an identical pair. She actually told our other coworker that it is the SAME pair of pants. (She claims that she goes home and washes them every night) How much laundry could she have?