Why the hell are you in here, bothering me. You have your own office, so why don’t you go to it, you smelly fat fuck. You are once again annoying the hell out of me. This is not your office, so why are you in here bothering me? Is it because you are a lonley and pathetic old man who has a severe crush on me, despite your nasty, rotted tooth, the green armpit stains down to your waist, your inability to zip your fly, the missing buttons on your shirt, and the fact that you smell worse than a baboon’s bunghole? You disgust me, you nasty piece of shit. You can’t see what I’m typing right now, but if you could I’m sure that you’d be shocked to hear what people really think of you. So you sit there, as if the other chairs in my office exist solely to amuse and delight you. This room, this place, it does not belong to you. Get the fuck out of here before I vomit.
You tear off a tiny piece of the top sheet of paper on one of my engineering tablets, which you know bothers me to no end. I make neat, concise, clearly documented notes on those tablets, and it irritates the hell out of me to put in the work to make up a good page of notes and then discover that because you couldn’t keep your grubbly paws to yourself, that page is two inches shorter than all the others. You have not ceased asking me out, and I doubt that you ever will. Showing up when I have 2 more hours of work to go to gloat about the fact that you are going home is not fucking advised unless you want your spleen removed without utensils or anesthesia.
This is not your personal habitat for relaxation. Apparently you don’t understand that I have work to do, or at the very least, things that do not involve sitting around having you pretend to be charming and that I’m happy to see you. Rot in hell, rot in hell, rot in hell.
One last thing, you pus-bag on a rat’s testicle, I know we all have keys to all the offices, but you need to learn to fucking knock.
(Yes, he really is sitting across from me right now. No, he won’t go away. Do you have any coworkers who won’t leave you the hell alone? Pit them!)
Have you gone to HR? If he keeps asking you out, when you’ve clearly told him know (and knowing you, catsix, you’re not one to pussyfoot around it, either!-and that’s not an insult), then he’s probably at the very least in violation of some kind of rule or policy.
We don’t have HR, Guin, being as we have less than fifty employees, there are a lot of things we don’t have.
I have told our supervisor about it, and it did improve for a long time until they moved my office around the corner to put me closer to the servers. I can’t imagine the jackass president of this place actually firing CtAC, (Chuckles, the Ass Clown) because for some reason el presidente has a real affinity for the slimeball.
In order to get rid of him, I either need a new job, or a shitload of money and a rock-solid case. Neither of which are forthcoming at this time. It’s not necessarily that it makes me uncomfortable that he asks me out, cause I’m capable of telling him ‘Not even if I were dead.’ or ‘I’d rather fuck the rotting corpse of Walt Disney’s dog.’ It’s just that he’s so annoying.
He’s someone I cannot stand, with his greasy hair, dirty skin, and weasel laugh, oh and his typical ‘I am a salesman’ tendency to constantly be bullshitting, and he thinks that I’m his ‘buddy’ here in the Network department and that I like having long, drawn out conversations that contain sentences like ‘Uh, no CtAC, actually a circuit breaker cannot partially trip.’
I still can’t fathom why the boss likes him. Everyone else here despises the guy, from the vice president to the janitor. He’s gotta know where the bodies or buried, or else he rips that rotted denture out of his mouth and gives some great helmet polishing.
Ah, yes, the Not-In-A-Million-Years,-Pal workplace crush. I’m not tooting my own horn when I say I get no less than three crushes for every office I’ve worked in.
Yours sounds like a piece of work, though. Mine have been varied from If-I-Were-Single-You’d-Be-So-Mine to Ew-Have-You-Caught-A-Glimpse-Of-Your-Reflection-In-A-Mirror?!? I don’t think any of mine have been vomit-inducingly gross though. Oh, well, there’s always tomorrow!
You can borrow him, if you want. It’s not as if he performs any kind of useful function here.
If I had a rock-solid case against him, I probably would. As it is though, I don’t know that merely being a huge pain in the ass is against the law. He hasn’t asked me out to dinner in a long time, not since I told him I’m busy every night for the rest of my life. Now it’s just the whole thing where he is an incompetent buffoon who has nothing to do so he shows up in my office to pretend that he’s funny and smart by telling me things like ‘Oh that overhead LCD projector wasn’t working because of a partially tripped circuit breaker.’
He is the source of much laughter from my department, not because his jokes are funny, but because he is a walking joke himself. He’s supposedly a Network Administrator, but he thinks that any time the mail server acts up he should reboot it by yanking out the power cord. Anyone want to hazard a guess as to why the mail server has continually seen worse and worse performance over the past year?
As for the name ‘Chuckles the Ass Clown’, you go right ahead and borrow it. I’m hoping it becomes common enough in usage that some day we’ll just have to say ‘That guy’s a CtAC.’ and everyone will know what kind of person he is.
I understand the problem, but don’t understand why you can’t tell him to go away.
You don’t have to be rude, you don’t need to be aggressive, you don’t have to do anything that might cause you trouble. Simply look him in the eye everytime he turns up and say “I’m trying to work. You are stopping me. Go and attend to your own work.” or “I don’t have anything I need to speak to you about at the moment. Please leave my office.” Then keep repeating it, without fail, until he gets the message.
I can lock it, however, the same key is used for all the office doors. His key opens mine, and vice versa.
My strategy now is to tell him twice that he’s interfering with my ability to get my job done by sitting in my office, and then to ignore him no matter what else he says. It usually takes about 5 to 10 minutes, and then he’s gone for a while. Any time he asks me ‘How are you?’ or ‘What’s happening?’ I reply ‘I am extremely busy right now doing my job.’ He’s just one of those annoying people in the office who thinks that it’s always social hour, and he also thinks that he should stop everyone he sees in the hall for a 15 minute chat.
I’m by far not the only person he visits and makes a pest of himself to, cause it’s usually about the time that the person next door to me has told him to buzz off that he shows up here. When I get him to leave, he goes along to another person’s office to bother them.
It’s actually improved since he was moved out of my department and given a different supervisor. That occurred because I held a meeting in which, in front of 2 other witnesses, he said ‘I don’t answer to her.’ when asked to give me the documentation I needed. I went and told the VP he’d either accept that he does answer to me, or I don’t want him in my department. Now, at least, there aren’t weekly meetings to contend with.
Get a big-ass airhorn and some earplugs. Next time he shows up uninvited in your office, ask him politely to leave once. Wait at least 15 seconds. If he hasn’t left, simply put in the earplugs and let drive with the airhorn until he either leaves or the Freon canister runs out. Repeat as necessary.
I think it would be particularly effective on the days that CtAC appears to have missed the urinal and pissed on himself.
He’s just one of those coworkers from hell, and I do my best to avoid him. I’ve found that moving my desk so that nobody can see me through the window and shutting my door has been very effective as CtAC repellent.
One of my coworkers who was new asked me one day if he brushes his teeth with dog shit. The guy’s breath is detectable across a room sometimes.
Are you sure your president isn’t conducting some kind of half-baked “intrapersonal relations skills” test, seeing if you can deal with the most repulsive person in the universe and still remain civil? How long has the guy been working there? I can believe the guy is real, though it’s a stretch (not that I doubt you, it’s just difficult to imagine), but I can’t fathom anyone who would keep that sort of person around voluntarily, especially if they didn’t provide any useful input to the company. If it’s not a test, maybe it’s a case of nepotism.
Whatever the case: IANAL, but if you have told him multiple times to fuck off (and it sounds as though you have, in no uncertain terms), and he continues to harrass you, I would say you have a case. Would any of your co-workers back you up on his treatment of you? It ought to be obvious enough to anyone with a functioning brain, and you say that he does this to others as well. One way or another, more action needs to be taken.
Anything’s possible. If you remember ‘Computerpoo’, I still believe he’s the guilty party although it could never be proven.
I don’t know that making moronic comments about electrical circuits is enough to qualify for harassment. It’s also not such a huge deal that I’m willing to make my own life at work really miserable in order to try to sue this guy, knowing full well that the rest of my coworkers will also be saying ‘He’s not actually saying anything that seems like harassment. He’s just a colossal annoying dumbass.’ So, lawsuit won’t be happening right now. Instead, I go out of my way to not do anything that will get me in any trouble but will still make him very upset.
I think I’m going to post that one. Other people in the office wander, but not constantly, and none of them pee on themselves like CtAC does.
The most annoying thing about him is that myself and two other people have to do his job because he’s incompetent. The fact that he can’t produce documentation from our rollover to a new system last year because 1) he took no part in it although it was supposedly his duty and 2) he didn’t understand what was done when it was explained to him should be enough to get him fired. We keep telling the boss when he does stuff like unplugging the mail server in order to reboot it. Course, CtAC also thinks the Unix server (which he does not know the root password for) should be rebooted weekly.
A salesman? I thought salesmen had to be presentable. You know, all buttons properly fastened, clothes in good condition, not smelling like a pig, and so on and so forth.
Just a thought here, but could you ask management to institute a knocking policy? Where I work, we usually keep our office doors open, but everyone knocks to announce their presence, and give the person inside the opportunity to acknowledge their presence, and then ask what they need. Even my bosses knock; it’s common courtesy. I can’t imagine a setup like you’re describing.
I’ve instituted my own knocking policy - I’ve told him that if he does not knock on the door, I won’t discuss any business with him until he goes back out and does, and I stick to it.
I just wish I didn’t work with such an annoying turd.
Keep your door shut and locked. If he unlocks it ( :eek: ) ask him if he needs anything. When he says no, then tell him the door is shut for a reason and he needs to leave now.
This guy has the manners of a triceratops, and you’re not going to get through to him unless you are blunt.
Oh, and talk to your boss again. You can even keep a record or a diary of his shenanigans, so you can show it to the boss and demand a resolution. Failing that, you can take the record to the EEOC.
Did I mention talk to your boss again?
Oh, and next time he screws up, don’t cover for him. You won’t believe how little people get away with when there are no other people ready to fix their mistakes.
