My mom wrote my dad’s obit. She has also already written her own. She said the one of the things she took from dad’s death was being prepared. She has a folder at home with all pertinent info, pre-paid her funeral, even has her burial clothes dry cleaned every few months “just in case”.
The only thing left for me will be purchasing their headstone (dad has been gone 10 1/2 years, she still can’t do it).
We’re having an obit issue in the family - my nephews’ paternal grandmother recently passed. While she resided in Arizona, my nephews’ half-sister placed an obit up here. The only grandchild mentioned was that of the half-sister. My oldest nephew asked why no one else was mentioned. She said not enough room - yet she took a paragraph to write about some song she supposedly sang to all her grandchildren (nephew never heard of it) and how much she loved to bake (nephew said nope, not for him or his brother). It has caused a LOT of strife, especially when half-sister asked for money to fly down to Arizona from her brothers.
Obits are mostly for two main purposes: for the people writing it to make a small sorta-permanent monument to the deceased, and for geneaological researchers to find later.
You can focus on one or the other of those goals as you wish. As said above, many newspapers charge heavily for these things as the buyers aren’t exactly in their best bargain hunting mode at the time.
Some are the barest of facts, just a name and a couple of dates; more of a death notice than an obit. Others are the biggest most overblown monument the most histrionic relative can come up with. Your choice. There are no truly wrong answers.
I wrote the eulogy for my father’s service. It ended up being seven pages. I took some of the key points out of it and wrote his obituary, which is free- if it’s kept under a specific number of words.
Knowing how frugal dad was, I’m sure he would appreciate how I didn’t spend any money on it!
As to who does it: whoever wants to. Multiplied by who has writing aptitude and is least incapacitated by the event.
My dad had remarried about 10 years before he died. I don’t know that I ever saw his obit. I assume his 2nd wife wrote and published one. I hadn’t realized this until this thread made me think about it.
When my Mom died, it fell to me as some combo of the oldest child and most literate writer to do the obit. As you might imagine from my posting history here it was kinda wordy = $$$.
I know it can feel important but the obituary really isn’t that important or complicated compared to most of the crap you have to go through. It’s a few simple words to say what and who the deceased loved. You get it done but don’t sweat it too much.
Just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss if that is the case. In terms of the obituary, don’t sweat it if it looks the same as others. They are straight forward notices of death with subtle niceties thrown in complimenting the decedent and listing offspring/marriage. Don’t worry too much about it. Just take care of yourself. The trauma of loss can have long lasting effects, even if not readily apparent.
When I wrote my mother’s obit, I relied in part on one of my niece’s homework assignments. The assignment had been an interview with an older relative and it had uncovered some interesting information about both Mom’s childhood and her outlook on life. My sister forwarded it to me, in case I could use it, and it really added a personal slant that the obit wouldn’t have had otherwise. (When Grandma first taught Mom how to wash clothes, they were doing it with a washboard.)
I think I drafted the obit and then emailed it to both my sisters for comment. Mom lived in a small town and had written the senior column for the local newspaper, so there was no charge for the obit and no problem with having to cut the length. Although that may have been standard. Local papers rock.
The funeral home helped my grandparents write my mom’s obituary. They turned her in to a Christian and “lifelong member” of their church, which I thought odd since I don’t recall her every attending, but that’s water under the bridge I suppose.
My grandmother wrote her own and my grandfather’s as part of their funeral arrangements years before either of them passed, but I think my aunt signed off on them to make sure they were accurate.
