Head buried in one place, body in another. Which grave(s) do you visit?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Just something slightly weird that occurred to me.

For reasons I will not get into, one of your loved ones has been killed and decapitated. Or, if that sounds too gruesome, let’s say that they died peacefully in their sleep after a long and happy life, and the decapitation was performed after that. Doesn’t matter. Their head has been transported away from their body. Both head and body have been buried, and the graves are marked. However, the graves are in different cities.

You have already been taken to see each grave once, for a quick look.

For the purposes of this hypothetical, you are, for whatever reason, not allowed to reassemble the remains of your loved one in any way, or to move either segment from their current resting places. You are, however, freely allowed to visit both graves again, at your convenience, to mourn, place flowers, or do whatever. Both graves are located equally distant from your house, and are equally accessible.

Also, let’s assume that you would have wanted to visit this loved one’s grave again if said loved one had been buried in one piece. I know that you’ll find weird ways of fighting the hypothetical, so I won’t even ask you not to, but at least go easy on it, OK?

Which grave(s) do you visit? The head? The body? Both?

My assumption is that most people will

visit the head, and not bother with the body.But I guess that I could be wrong, and if someone has a different approach, it might be interesting to know why.

2

I’d probably visit whichever one was more convenient and then come up with a post-hoc explanation about why it’s the “real” site.

3

Ultimately a grave is just a place to stand and focus your thoughts on your loved one and it’s immaterial if they’re actually interred there or not, so I’d visit the one with the best parking.

4

Neither, probably. I’m too cynical for visiting symbolic nonsense like graves. Instead I recall memories to mind.

But to answer the spirit of the OP, I’d pick the nicest location, with the view or pleasant cemetery grounds. My Dad’s buried in an awkward location, on a hillside that has a nice view but is a bugger to get to. I loved my Dad but I’ve never voluntarily visited his grave, in itself it has no significance to me.

5

Other.

Never visited a grave, don’t imagine I ever will.

6

Well in my case my SO has very large beautiful breasts and our relationship is more physical than cerebral, however she does use her head effectively also. It would be a tough choice but I guess I would go with the head.

7

I’m not a grave visitor so it wouldn’t make any difference to me.

8

It’s not even necessary for a grave to contain a body at all.

9

I would visit a point halfway between the two. If the two points are antipodes, I would visit a point on the great circle between them.

Or I’d just go to Naples and think of them while eating pizza.

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10

I am going to assume its a loved one and not just some generally famous person. Rather than visit either grave I would probably keep a small tribute (photo, maybe a couple token items) in my home somewhere and more visit/think of them through that. I do visit graves; I’m just not sure I would want to pick one or the other or do both.

(I actually have this case in a general manner of speaking. A cousin I was very close to was buried and then when his family relocated they moved his body to a new grave closer to them. His old stone and grave are still where they always were. I haven’t been to either place since the relocation was made.)

11

I’m another one who doesn’t understand graves. if you had just cremated your loved one…but I digress. I wouldn’t visit at all.

12

I’m neither a Catholic, nor a venerator of saints, but oddly enough, I’ve actually seen both- St. Catherine of Siena’s body is in the Basilica of Santa Maria sopra Minerva in Rome, while her rather grotesque head is in the Basilica of San Domenico in Siena.

We ended up seeing the body first because we went to Rome at the start of our trip, stayed near the Pantheon, which is literally next door to Santa Maria sopra Minerva, so we walked the 40 yards over, and saw her sarcophagus. Several days later, we did a day trip to Siena from Florence, and while we were there, we figured we might as well go and check out the head that went with the body.

13

Other, AKA “neither”. I’ve never seen the point in grave visiting.

14

Neither. I don’t visit cemeteries often. When I do, I’m going at someone else’s behest.

15

Total agreement with all of this. I don’t do graves anyway, but if I were to, it would be on the basis of comfort and aesthetics, not any “magical thinking” regarding the supernatural presence of the deceased. What really mattered about them is gone.

(My family has a long tradition of cremation.)

16

Why would you want to visit a grave?

17

I don’t do graves (of loved ones) either. No point at all. They exist only as a memory now, so no need to have to be in a physical place to pay homage or whatever.

For example, my older sister was going out hammer and tongs last year organising a plaque for our mother’s ashes that were interred at some cemetary or other. She kept ringing and emailing me (and other sister) getting yays or nays on the wording of the memorial plaque, whilst I kept saying, “Whatever you like big sis, I don’t really mind”.

What I WANTED to say was, “I actually don’t give a shit. It’s unlikely I’ll ever visit the site, so what’s written on it is irrelevant to me”.

18

I don’t really visit graves after the funeral. And the fact that the two or more bits MUST remain apart can only mean (in my mind/dreams/wishes) that each part contains a barely subcritcal mass of some high radioactive/fissile material, meaning all sites are dangerous.

19

Whichever is closer to other graves I visit.

20

Other: I don’t visit graves.