I do not think it’s creepy because I had the same deal with my daughter from the time she started using the computer in her room at fourteen until she got her laptop at eighteen. I don’t think the internet is evil but I know I found my share of trouble there so I did what I thought was right to protect her while being fair enough to allow her to explore for herself.
I do not consider it snooping when there is an agreement. She’s turned out just fine so far and still thinks I’m the best mom ever.
My boys all have MySpace pages. I know they have them but I’ve never visited them unless they’ve specifically asked me to look at their latest background or message from a cousin (most of their cousins also maintain a presence there) or something. That said, the main computer they use is in the most common area of the house. We originally set it up this way so that I could monitor their usage, but largely it’s more so that I can monitor who hogging the computer. I stay off theirs and they stay off mine. It would have never occurred to me to ask for their passwords to anything. I also don’t use monitors or parental controls, on the computer or satellite. That said, the general rule of the house is if I think that kind of monitoring is necessary then they won’t be using the computer at all. So far it’s never come up.
I made the same agreement with my daughter on her MySpace account and anything on the computer. If she wants privacy she should get a diary. Anything on the computer is open. Hell you people here know that anything you do on a computer can be found out. So if you take the chance, you take the chance and pay the price.
I trust my daughter 100% and she has proven herself to be a good kid. But I do randomly (and I do mean randomly) check her email and where she has been history wise. She knows this and all is fine. She knows that I might check where she has been and on occasion I might mention some site she was at, etc. Once her friend used some language that I wasn’t comfortable with from a 10 year old and we discussed that and all was fine after that.
As she gets older she will get more privacy and that is acceptable. A 10 or 12 year old should not expect a high degree of privacy compared to a 16 or 18 year old. But that privacy is earned—and she is earning it and doing a damn good job. I am very proud of my girl
Well, I’m glad to see that I’m not alone - and that this is a popular subject. I know that as a kid, I was certainly adept at Secret Internet Activities.
And nothing I’ve heard about her children would raise any red flags for me as a mother, BTW. They both seem like smart, normal, respectable kids. I can’t speak for their personalities outside my limited face-to-face experience with them, but they certainly seem like they could handle themselves, especially on a site like Facebook.
It might be a little excessive but it’s not outrageous. As long as the daughter is aware that her mother has the password there’s no deceit involved so I don’t see it as wrong.
A stunningly naive five-year-old? So the teenagers who’ve been fooled by adults online are just plain stupid, huh?
Having a Facebook is like being responsible with a driver’s license? I get the comparison, but they’re both pretty ridiculous. Kids/teenagers will find a way around parental teachings. If you think your kids didn’t break your rules regarding computers, cars, drinking, etc then you are out of your mind.
We all know all you have to do is tell junior that he can’t haul all of his friends around in his car and he’ll do it. He won’t have alcohol in the car, he won’t speed, he will be a responsible little soldier because he has a driver’s license.
When kids do things they’re not supposed to do (guns at school, drinking & driving, meeting strangers on the internet and disappearing, etc) and it makes the news there’s usually a hand-wringing post about “Where were the parents!??” yet a parent who is actively trying to BE a parent is criticized.
Yep. They are kids. They are the responsibility of the parents. As long as the parents aren’t doing anything abusive (and looking at a kid’s facebook account - particularly when the kid KNOWS - isn’t abusive) the parents get to make the rules.
Sleeps With Butterflies has a great point - if this girl was spending her time on facebook chatting about this great guy she met online, and he is in college, and he is going to marry her, and she is going to go meet him at the mall, and then she disappears, plenty of people would say “why didn’t her parents know! It was all over her facebook account.”
Teens are notoriously stupid. A cautious, intelligent 12 yr old can become a school ditching, boy crazy, heavy drinker in a year even with the best parenting. I’ve seen teen Facebook pages that openly show underage drinking parties and discuss casual sex. With the password at least the mom can make sure, from the daughter’s friends pages, that she probably isn’t involved in such behavior.
Should the mother be able to read diaries belonging to the friends? Letters written to the daughter? Listen in on both halves of phone conversations without telling the other party?
Well, call me creepy then, because I have the passwords to my daughter’s Facebook and MySpace accounts. I have discussed things I read with her if I feel it’s absolutely necessary but I do not post in her name and I do not interact with her friends.
This is a house rule that applies to both our children as long as they are underage. Neither of them seem too offended by it; my son doesn’t really use his account yet and my daughter has criticized other parents who complain that they can’t control what their kids are posting online.
I think this would be helpful for the children, since they will learn to subvert rules, lie, be anti-autoritarian and to use technology. For instance, they will obviously have to keep as much of their life as they can from their parents, since otherwise they will risk interference, and they must have knowledge of how to delete chat histories etc, without it being obvious.
“Hey, guys, remember my mum goes and looks through my Facebook page, so you’d better put me on a restricted profile to block those photos from the other night.” Achieved? Nothing, apart from pissing a whole load of people off.
The mother should check the site so long as her daughter is under 18. There are all sorts of bad things that need to be watched out for. The daughter knows that mom may look and agreed with it to have the account. It’s not any different than the restrictions and privileges parents have given out in the past. The internet bypasses the front door that their friends would have had to use to hang out years ago. Parents most certainly checked on who came through that door and decided if they were a problem. Somebody is actually taking the responsibility of monitoring their kid so they can protect them. You can bet she won’t be one of the girls putting nude photos on the page.
If that is the agreement with the daughter, yes. The daughter, under an agreement, has the ability to say “gee, Mom, that’s harsh and an invasion of my privacy” - and perhaps a compromise can be reached - i.e. show me your Facebook when I ask. Or 'if you break house rules, like curfew or not doing your homework, I will review your communications." Or maybe a compromise can’t be reached and the girl will either need to follow Mom’s rules or sneak around.
I think the mom should restrict herself to looking at who the friends are and being able to look at the friends pages to check for photos or references to bad behavior in the comments. A lot of teens make no effort to hide the drinking that goes on at parties even when they know an adult could see.
