Poor Michael Moore. Everyone ranks on him. Sure, he’s a little loose with the facts, but he makes good films. Ever since F9/11, a bunch of Moore wannabes have tried their hand at left-wing documentaries. I’ve seen several of these, and it’s clear to me that Moore has something they don’t, namely film making talent.
The natural consequence of watching all of those other documentaries is that Netflix started recommending even more of them. One that showed up on my screen was called Hell House. It is a behind-the-scenes look at the Trinity Hell House, a Christian haunted house alternative run every October in Texas. In it, they show the evils of drugs, abortion, teh gey, and raves. At the end of Hell House, guests are strongly urged to join an on-site prayer group and give their lives over to Jay-zuss.
I cannot recommend this movie enough. I laughed 'til I cried.
Unfortunately, it was not meant to be a comedy. But it turned out better than if Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy did a mockumentary about Jack Chick. Pure. Comedy. Gold.
In one scene, a man is telling a woman how to rewrite a scene. She’s typing away at a computer.
Man: Wait, hold on, go back to where it says “The Gathering.” We wanna say something like…
Woman: Wait, so they’re “Magic Cards”, but the game is called “The Gathering”?
M: I think, it says “Magic: The Gathering” on the front.
W: I’m just… I’m just putting “Role-playing games such as Magic.”
M: “Role-playing games, like Magic: The Gathering. Role-playing games.”
W: “Role-playing games, such as Magic.” And The Gathering?
M: It’s called Magic.
W: “The Magic Cards”? How do… How do you… What is the game called?
M: The Gathering. It’s called “Magic: The Gathering.”
W: It has… What?
M: It’s called “The Gathering. Magic.”
W: Huh?
M: Just put “Magic.”
W: I’ll just put “Magic.”
M: Read it back to me.
W: “Sarah grew up reading Harry Potter books. Then she was seduced by games like wee-gee.” How do you spell wee-gee?
Fred Willard and Parker Posey couldn’t have done a funnier job.
At one point a guy is explaining the date rape scene, which has a role that all the teenage girls covet.
“There’s this drug, the date rape drug. It’s called… um… the name of it is… uh, well I’m not really sure of the name. It’s not really important. Does anybody know what it’s called? Date Rape Drug? Are you sure? What? It is? Oh, OK. The medical term for it is ‘A Mickey.’”
One scene is where the set designers are painting the set. They got into an argument about what colors to paint the Satanist’s Coven set. “White paint? There’s no white paint. Remember that Warlock that came through here last year? He said they don’t use white paint. Use red. Paint the pentagram red.”
They then showed the red pentagram in its completed state. It was a Star of David in a circle.
And the acting – hoo boy, was it ever excellent. Who knew that Satan looked like Skeletor but sounded like a whiney high school girl? “Mwa ha ha ha! You went to that rave! You took those mickeys! And then you got raped! Does it remind you of when you were a little girl, and your daddy raped you? And now, you’re going to Hell! You’re mine, because you got raped and didn’t accept Jesus Christ into your heart! Mwa ha ha haaaaaaa!”
I cannot endorse this movie enough. I give it three and a half crucifixes.