Help me become less incompetent!

In My Humble Opinion
1

While watching the DVD crack that is 24 , I realized that I’m generally incompetent. Not only can I not deal with evil terrorists, I can’t even drive a stick shift. So I’ve made a Personal Policy Decision to become more competent. What should I learn to do, and how should I go about it?

Right now - I’m really good at knowing random trivia, and even if I have no clue, I’m really good at sounding authoritative :wink: I’m a biologist-in-training. I bake (only from scratch!) and cook pretty well, although not in a gourmet, fussy way. I have a green belt in tae kwon do and hapkido, and I train three times a week. I can type 65 wpm, respectable if not incredibly speedy. And I’m much, much faster than you at Minesweeper, which tells you how much free time I have to devote to this project.

Things I think I should learn: first aid, CPR, driving a stick shift (as a friend’s mother once said, what if I’m in the car with James Bond, and he tells me to take the wheel, what will I do then?), basic auto mechanics. basic household maintenance stuff like dealing with simple plumbing, maybe how to shoot a gun (hey, this all started with a TV show!), how to mix drinks, and greater general computer ability. The medical stuff I can go to to the Red Cross for, I guess, but where else do I learn the rest of this stuff? What else should I learn in my quest for General Competence?

2

Learn to use tools. You don’t need to know about power tools or any uncommon devices. Just your basic hand tools. If you don’t already have them you can equip a basic toolbox for a minimal amount of money. Start with a few screwdrivers (phillips and flathead), pliers, cresent wrench, hammer (I can fix anything with a hammer), handsaw, drill, electrical circuit tester, tape measure, flashlight, duct tape, a can of WD40, and probably the most important thing of all - a good book about home repair. Do a few small jobs around the house like repairing a leaky faucet or installing a light switch.

Once you become comfortable doing minor repairs you can advance to the “big leagues”. Which, of course means Power Tools!. And believe me, that can be addictive. You’ll find yourself seeking new and different tasks to perform - just so you have an excuse to buy a new tool. Unclogging a toilet will become a challenge! This Old House will be your favorite TV show. And every night before you go to bed you’ll automatically recite Norm’s Prayer:

Now before we use any power tools, let’s take a moment to talk about shop safety. Be sure to read, understand and follow all the safety rules that come with your equipment. And remember - There’s no more important rule than to wear these points to eyes- safety glasses.

(And if it makes you feel any better: I’m a 54 year old male who has never driven a stick shift in his life. (And I ain’t about to start now))
PS - Forget about the gun thing, okay?

3

Ah, if this happens, you’ll be doing 140+ mph in the middle of a firefight and will be in the highest gear. Just pretend it’s an automatic and don’t touch the clutch.

4

I agree that learning basic tool usage is probably the most useful thing on your list above. As for some of the other things in your list :

First Aid/CPR: Brilliant! Absolutely indispensable stuff to know. As you mentioned, The Red Cross is probably the best place to go for that

Stick Shift: Useful but not necessarily brilliant. Useful in that you can pop-start your vehicle in times of need (given appropriate hilliness or eager and burly friends to push you). Assuming, of course, that you take your new found ability to drive a stick and then go purchase one.

The Gun: I absolutely recommend taking a firearms safety & handling course. I am neither decidedly Pro or Anti Gun, but I do believe it can’t hurt to understand the basics of gun handling, safety and operation. Besides, shooting can be quite fun. Check out some local indoor pistol ranges, take a course, rent a gun for the course, and after you’ve had a reasonable chance to learn about usage and handling, you’ll know whether a gun is for you or not.

Mixing Drinks: Very useful skill. Take it from a former bartender. I get called to the bar in many a social situation, pretty much whenever somebody wants anything more than a Jack & Coke. Pick up a good book of the craft of bartending (not just recipes) and get the basic tools of the trade and practice at home.

Tools:

Shakers, small and large. You can get the shakers with tops, but most pros either use the smaller shaker in conjunction with the larger to strain the freshly mixed drinks, or you can use a Boston Strainer (that’s the wire strainer)

A Good Blender

Jigger: Okay, most pros use speed-pourers, but the books you’re learning from call for precise measurements. So get a nice jigger and use it religously. I used one for some customers (just to get their drinks perfect) even though I can speed pour to within 1/16 oz. every time (and yes, I was checked weekly for pour accuracy).
If you do get speed pourers, DO NOT get the ones that automatically stop after 1/2 oz or whatever. They are horrible, horrible devices and should be sent back to hell from whence they came. If you speed pour, remember that it’s approximately 1/2 oz per 1 count (1 mississippi), and that a standard drink is going to be a three count. For ex. the aformentioned Jack & Coke: Rocks Glass, fill with Ice, 3 count of Jack, top with Coke. Don’t Shake, Cocktail Straw, Serve.

Nice Glassware: Get a good collection of assorted glassware. Not necessarily expensive, but not cheaply made crap. I recommend the following glasses: Rocks, Red Wine, White Wine, Collins, Pint, Martini and Margarita. At least four of each. Rocks and Collins will see the most use.

The Basic Bar: The basics, in my estimation consist of:

Vodka
Gin
Rum
Tequila
Bourbon
Scotch
Triple Sec

Soda Water
Tonic Water
Fruit Juices: Orange, Grapefruit, Cranberry, Pineapple, Tomato
Sodas: Coke, Sprite, Diet (or brand equivs.)
Roses Lime Juice and Grenadine

1.5 L bottles of Moderate Red, White and Blush Wine

Sugar, Lemons, Limes, Oranges, Celery, Old Bay, Kosher Salt, Worcerstershire, Horseradish (Okay, everything from celery on is pretty much for Bloodys only, but indispensable for them)

and of course, Beer.

Making Drinks. It seems complex. It’s not, there’s actually a few main types of drinks, and tons of variations within those types. For example: Vodka & Somethings - Vodka & Cranberry = Cape Cod, Vodka & OJ = Screwdriver, Vodka & Grapefruit = Greyhound, Vodka & Cran & OJ = Madras, Vodka & Cran & GF = Seabreeze, Vodka & Cran & Pineapple = Bay Breeze.

So the names can be tricky, but they’re all the same type, and the easiest way to learn them is to make them, and to drink them. Have a “I’m learning how to bartend party”, have everyone kick in some $$ for the liquor, and go to town!

Learn how to make every drink acceptably, and certain drinks incredibly well. Every bartender has a specialty. Mine is margaritas and bloodies. Yours might be frozen drinks, or coffee drinks, or whatever you drinks you love.

You won’t be tending bar professionally, so let’s not worry about the pro biggies - dealing with customers, serving underage, cutting people off, dealing with drunks etc. Not relevant.

Most importantly, have fun. :cool:

5

Well, obviously I’m not where you are, but down here there’s always a whole pile of Adult Community Education classes, evening classes etc going on. They can be pretty good. The most basic list of courses offered by a single place still includes such things as ‘Circus Skills’ (I have to give that one a try!). Anyway, find yourself a bar course for the drinks, and some beginner’s home repairs and computing classes and you’re all set.

But that’d all reliant on there being a similar state of evening classes available to you as there are here. If thats not the case, do you have friends or relarives who know some of the skills you’re after? Would they be willing to help?

Or, on preview, just follow Krebnar’s instructions.

6

Hey! I’m planning on becoming more competent myself soon. Here are some of the points I’ll be focusing on - perhaps they would be of use to you.

  • Getting (back) into some martial arts. You seem to have this handled, however. I’m currently thinking of either aikido or wushu, but I’ll have to see what’s available when I move back to Melbourne.

  • Learn C++ (already on that) and some directX, as well as install Linux on my old computer and generally potter around in it. All this as a means of improving my general 'lite skills.

  • Learn another (spoken, not programming) language. Probably the most useful would be Japanese, but also I want to learn Finnish. And maybe Russian.

  • Learn to drive, at least a car and perhaps a motorbike too.

  • Read ‘Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide’ again.

  • Begin a secret life and fight crime.

Yeah, that just about sums it up.

~ Isaac

7

I think the things that you mentioned you could do make you pretty darn competent already. So, you’re not really incompetent, all you’re doing is perfecting your act :slight_smile:

8

Great suggestions, everybody! Krebnar, thanks so much for the very extensive mixology instructions. (Hijack - is there a better word for that? Mixology sounds kinda silly, but I can’t think of anything else that doesn’t sound completely stupid.)

Thanks especially for the instructions on how to drive for James Bond; you never know when that’s going to come in handy.

:o

Tools - Peanuthead (or anybody else), any recommendations for a good book on basic home repair? My level is something like ‘able to assemble Ikea furniture without assistance’ - not afraid of these things, but pretty much ignorant.

Guns - I definitely don’t want to own one. I was thinking more along the lines of learning the basics, more for the 24-evil-terrorists scenario than anything practical. But here in the Bronx, I guess you never know :wink:

Computers - Do I really need to learn a programming language? Right now, I function at about the average level of my peer group, people just out of college. I use the Internet like I breathe, I know enough to keep my antispyware and antivirus programs updated and run weekly, I can use the basic utilitarian programs like Excel, but I’m still mystified by the actual workings of the thing, and have no idea what to do when something goes wrong. How do I learn to deal with stuff like that?

Dinaroozie, is there a good source for secret, crime-fighting lives? I was thinking maybe I could be Foodie Woman, saving the world from refrigerated unripe produce.

9

If 24 has taught me anything, it’s the importance of a good “Just do it, NOW!” bellow.

10

Ortho puts out a series of home repair/ handyman type books. You can find them at any bookstore or home repair center. Your best bet would be buying them on the internet though. Ebay or Half.com has hundreds of them at great prices. They don’t have to be new to be good but you should look for books that are fairly recent. Meaning the last 10 years or so.
There are also plenty of websites devoted to home repair. Google will show you the way.

BTW I grew up in the Bronx myself. (181st and Vyse) Small world!

11

My pleasure on the James Bond info - I don’t know how many times I’ve been in that type of situation myself.

I view “competency” as “if something is broke, do you have the skills to fix it”. Programming allows you to build new tools; I’d focus on using existing tools (MS Excel, MS Word, MS Access, graphics programs, etc.) for the quickest return on investment.

My suggestions:
Play with the program in question.
Do a lot of reading, focusing on “power user” stuff. Check out http://www.mvps.org/ for a good list of Microsoft Power User stuff. The “xxxxx for Dummies” series are surprisingly good as well.
Learn HTML. http://www.w3schools.com/ is a good site for that.
Learn VBA (if you are interested in MS-oriented programs, that is). Excel has this neat trick where you can record movements and it will script it out - it’s a good technique to learn VBA.
Computer hardware - try adding memory, an extra card, or a hard drive. Or purchase parts and build your own computer - it’s not that difficult and it’s a learning experience. And then you’ll have two computers that you can network together!

12

You know, I’m a big fan of This American Life, and one of the subjects of one of the shows was “Superheroes.” One of this show’s segments interviewed a woman who, at a very young age, decided that she wanted to be a superhero, just like Wonder Woman. She actually made a list of skills she would need to learn in order to become a superhero, and she worked at them relentlessly.

IIRC, her list included twenty-something items that included learning to speak and write Chinese. Become a martial arts master. Learn to disassemble and reassemble a gun. Explosives and demolition. Stunt driving. Etc. It was an impressive list.

By the time she was in her early twenties, she had accomplished three-quarters of the list.

She applied to the CIA, who rejected her because she was, “scarily overqualified.”