[entering disguised in a fake moustache, monacle, and leiderhosen and talking in a ridiculously bad German accent]
Gutentag! I am here to offer a zecond opinion. Nymysys, I can assure you zat Crunchy Frog has plenty of room for you. Feel free to pursue him now.
Ooooohh…leiderhosen! Who needs Froggy when there’s a german guy in leather shorts right here!
Be sure to post the rules in the car. And in your garage right outside the car if it’s convenient. Hell, you could print the rules on cards or fliers and make potential riders sign a little contract agreeing to the rules.
Assuming your car has a tape deck or CD player- buy a cleaning kit. After each tape/CD has been played, immediately run the tape/CD cleaner. Do this even if you just listen to a single song, then switch tapes. In fact, especially do this if you just listen to a single song, then switch tapes/CDs.
Swear at all other drivers that actually get within twelve feet of your car. Brake and stop well behind other cars. When your GF asks why, state “They might suddenly jump into reverse and try to bang up Sweet Nicki.”
I heartily agree with Quick Silver (and curse her for saying it before I could)- do the “did you hear that? That rumbling noise?”
Buy lots of ArmorAll. After any trip, ArmorAll the tires. Polish the hubcaps.
Just before getting into the car, stop and stare at the front passenger-side panel. Swear profusely at the “ding”. Point out the “ding” like it was a giant, gaping hole in the side of your car. Act like it’s the worst thing to happen to you since your circumcision.
Before anyone is allowed to touch your car, insist that they roll up their sleeves and take off their jackets for fear that their buttons might scratch the paint.
Next time your girlfriend drops by your house, be outside with the hood up and have her catch you cleaning your car’s engine with a toothbrush and gunk remover.
Keep a small bottle of paint (the same color as your car) in the glove compartment with a number of Q-tips and fine sandpaper. Upon seeing a “ding” (such as the imaginary one listed above), use the Q-tip to apply a tiny patch of paint to the “affected” area. Blow on the paint until it dries, then take the sandpaper to smooth out the painted area.
John
(whose father owned several classic cars he took to shows, so he knows all about obsessive car owners)
Get those hideous couch plastic slip covers for the seats