Help me drive my GF crazy about my new car

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

As an offshoot of my thread in IMHO, I’m now thinking of ways to make my GF think I’ve gotten completely obssessive about my new car. She hasn’t seen it yet (I just bought it last night), but I already told her over the phone that there will be no smoking or eating in the new car. She started teasing me about getting anal-retentive about this. So I figure, she wants anal-retentive? I’ll show her anal-retentive!

So far we have my rules: I’m gonna bring a pair of slippers and make her take off her shoes and wear the slippers if she wants to ride. She’ll have to use a lint brush before getting into the car. I’m also gonna get a Dustbuster and clean the seat again after she gets out.

From Feynn - get some hand sanitizer and make her use it before she touches anything as those girl germs are hard on the finish.

After she touches anything make sure you have some Armour All to wipe things down with too. You can’t have any fingerprints left after taking your gal out.

From QuickSilver
Make her wear white gloves whenever she’s inside the car too. Also place a towel on her seat before she sits down. Refer to the car as she and give it a girl’s name. Finally, no matter how gently she shuts that door, announce loudly, “Quit slamming those doors! It’s not a barn you know!!!”

So before we hijack that thread any further, I thought I’d bring it here. (Plus more people may look at this thread than the one that’s about me going car-shopping).

So any suggestions? The more outrageously obsessive the better.

2

I have a friend who had a start-up and shut-down checklist - everything had to be done in order EVERY TIME!! Don’t DARE turn the key off if the radio is still playing. Heaven forbid you should start the car with the door open or your seatbelt unfastened. And don’t even think about slamming the door… you wouldn’t believe the look I got for THAT transgression!!

3

Check the oil and the tire pressure before you turn the key.
EVERY TIME!

4

Don’t let her touch any knob, press any button, turn any handle, etc., on the grounds that she could break them. Insist on doing everything yourself.

5

My car has no frame around the windows. Basically it’s like a convertible door (it’s a subaru thing). Anyway, whenever my GF closes the door by pushing on the glass I tell her nicely to close the door with the door, not the glass. Then I go rub the fingerprints off the glass.

Seems to bug the shit out of her.

6

A friend of mine once got a new used car. He took me for a ride. It was a beautiful night, the sunroof was open, so I put my feet on the dashboard, as I am wont to do when I am happy in a car. He totally freaked out! I decided he was too anal retentive to hang out with at that point, and I even contemplated playing that mean practical joke where you strew some assorted car parts and motor oil under someone’s parked car so they think that there is something very wrong with it when they pull out. Never did it, tho. Anyway, I doubt you girlfriend will put her feet on the dash given the earlier suggestions, but that whole incident has given me some ideas…

–Don’t let her touch anything. Make her keep her hands in her lap and her feet flat on the floor.

–Park the car in far corners of the parking lot, taking up 2 spaces. Freak out if you see anyone even near the car.

–Don’t turn up the radio. Tell her it has a “break-in-period.”

–Get one of those car covers that you see on vintage cars, and insist on covering the car any time it is not being driven. Even if you are just running into the 7-11.

7

Rules for the car (in a little more organized from)

Rule 1. All passengers must use the provided lint brush and wear the provided gloves before entering the vehicle.

Rule 2. If for any reason the gloves are unavailable, the passenger must use hand sanitizer before touching anything.

Rule 3. In rule 2, by “anything” I mean any-fucking-thing.

Rule 4. After touching anything in the vehicle, the passenger will then clean the soiled area with Armor All and a soft cloth, which will be provided.

Rule 5. In rule 4, by “anything” I mean any-fucking-thing.

Rule 6. The passenger will not touch the radio or CD player, including but not limited to the volume knob, the scan button, the programmed station buttons, the skip track button, and the bass and treble adjust.

Rule 7. The passenger will not slam the doors.

Rule 8. While in the vehicle, the vehicle must be referred to by name (Sweet Nicki) or the pronouns “she” or “her” The vehicle shall not be referred to as “the car”

Rule 9. The passenger will not slam the doors.

Rule 10. While in the vehicle, your favorite baseball team will be the St Louis Cardinals, you will be a Rams fan, and your favorite bands will be The Beatles, Van Halen, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Rule 11. You will not complain about the music I listen to (See Rule 6).

So anymore to add to this?

8

Ever see that Civic commercial? Cover your car with one of those, um, car cover things anytime you’ll be out of the car for more than 1 minute (only permissible act, filling gas). Or, if that’s too much trouble, walk around the car every time before you get in, preferably with a small cloth and a spray bottle full of soapy water, cleaning every little speck off the car (even if you have to make some up), before leaving.

9

Sorry everyone, while I was writing my Rule list (which I will read to her before taking her for a ride in it tonight, while standing in the cold), I missed all those replies, otherwise I would’ve worked them into the rule list.

10

Crunchy’s Rule 12: Under no circumstance will I allow you to give me head in the car.

:slight_smile:

11

Any derogatory comments made about Sweet Nicki, or your feelings towards Sweet Nicki, will immediately be followed by an apology to Sweet Nicki. IMMEDIATELY!

12

More ideas…

Turn the volume of the stereo down really low and tell her it’s because you want to hear the sound of the engine. Then, every now and then, completely shut of the radio and listen to the motor. Then ask her, “Did you hear that sound?”… “That right there… don’t tell me you can’t hear that!.. it’s like a clicking-rumbling sort of noise… hear it now?”

When you go to the mall, restaurant, movie, whatever, drive around the parking lot looking for the perfect spot. Try on a couple for size but say they don’t feel right and drive out of them again. Finally, if possible, park at the back, away from all cars.

13

Let’s not go overboard now. :wink: Only a woman would think of this rule.

14

Any tapes/CD’s that are played in the stereo must have been released in the same year of the vehicle in which it’s being played. In Crunchy’s case, this year’s songs.

(How’s THAT for anal retentive?)

15

That’s great, smug, but then how do I justify listening to my Pink Floyd and Van Halen?

16

Any woman that will look good in Sweet Nicki (and conversely, make Sweet Nicki look good) is allowed to ride in Sweet Nicki.

So, when you picking me up, Froggy? :smiley:

17

Are you kidding? I’ve been trying to pick you up since the Welcome Wagon thread!
Oh, you mean in the car . . .

[sub]Nevermind[/sub]

18

Well, you already have a GF, a wife, a stripper/mistress and god knows what else. I didn’t figure you had room in your life for little ol’ me.

19

What are you talking about, Nymysys? Where did you hear such nonsensical rumors? Besides from me, that is. You can hardly base your decisions on one person’s word. Right? I would get a second opinion if I were you.

20

Yeah, you’re right. Lemme go ask little*bit real quick-like.