And I have the calluses that go with the title. 
I wish I’d seen Dex’s post before I went to the hardware store. It may come down to the bomb, even if it takes me a while to figure out how to get to the burrow. It’s way back under the deck.
What I did get was a live trap. I chucked in a half eaten tomato and a sliced up apple as per suggestions in this thread, and set it in front of the spot where he gets through the bird net into the garden. The booklet that came with the trap suggested bacon, but screw that noise. Any bacon in this house will be eaten by me, not some mangy woodchuck.
Net take thus far: one chipmunk.
Whatever you do, don’t chuck wood at it. There’s no telling how much wood it may chuck back at you. That is, of course, assuming that a woodchuck can indeed chuck wood. I’m not sure this has been adequately researched by the scientific community.
On a less serious note, my grandfather has trapped groundhogs with live traps and just put them on the floor of his car to let them out in a rural area. They weren’t happy, but they didn’t piss everywhere or anything. I’m not sure if they’re usually this well behaved in vehicles.
I GOT HIM!
I swear, that trap wasn’t set for an hour and I trapped myself a big fat woodchuck. We watched him for a couple of minutes and he just sat there calmly munching apple slices. It took him a while to twig to the fact that he was trapped.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Now I just have to get rid of him. We’ve got a nice spot picked out, far away from any residences or dairy farms. So long, Chuck. You’re evicted.
Sweeeeet.
Now for the follow-up: are you sure he’s the only one living in that hole? Even if he/she was a bachelor/bachelorette, there are most likely others in the neighborhood. Might want to set the trap again after you drop him off just to see what happens.
Also, I would definitely fill in/destroy its den. Anything to make it more difficult for another one to move in!
Keep up the good work. 
Congratulations.
Nasty, chittering, tick-ridden gluttonous bastards, aren’t they?
BTW, how much wood could he chuck?
(can’t believe this thread got to 25 posts without that… )
This is what I was going to suggest.
Whoopsie. Didn’t see you’d caught him. Congrats! Good on you!
Actually, it didn’t. There were several references to wood chucking.
Now, what I was waiting for was:
“Will no one rid me of this turbulent beast?”
Congratulations on the no-kill catch, Exgineer.
We turned him loose in the middle of 8.5 acres of undeveloped nothing, far from where he could cause anybody else any grief. There he could gambol among the trees and wildflowers, and probably get eaten by coyotes if he didn’t get a new burrow dug quickly enough.
It’s sort of amusing how absurdly pleased I was with myself for doing something as mundane as trapping a woodchuck. I actually got out the camera and snapped a couple of pictures of the chuck in the trap. My wife laughed at me for that.
Rest assured that we will remain vigilant against further incursions by the enemy. There’s a skunk out there somewhere too. Thanks, guys, for all the helpful advice.
Exgineer of the SDMB, hereafter known as Davy Crockett, King Of The Wild Wookchucks!
Now you’ve to eat him - It’s nature’s WAY!
Post the pics.
Just a little more helpful advice - if you must live trap a skunk, wrap the trap in a burlap sack or something similar first. They are just a little less likely to retaliate in an unpleasant manner if they can’t see you.
But actually I’d leave the skunk alone under most circumstances. They can help out by eating rodents, insects, snails and slugs ( though granted, they might decide some of the garden vegetables are delectable as well ).
- Tamerlane
Way to go! And if, many years from now, you take the dirt nap and wake up to find that god is a giant woodchuck. . .
I suppose that now would be a good time to admit that I’m an idiot and don’t know how.
vetbridge just made me nervous. What if I’ve traumatized the Woodchuck Messiah?
I’m the one who shot a woodchuck. I am shaking now…
Depends on how mean you want to be…
Slightly Mean Suggestion #1 - you can put a ring of dried, crushed habenero peppers around your vegetable garden, one whiff of that up his nose, and he’ll never come back.
Really mean Suggestion #2 - put a large bowl of antifreeze out under your deck. Only problem is that other animals could be affected. (I.e. woodchuck collateral damage).
Of course, then you’d have to find the body.
D.
I see 6 to 12 dogs/cats each year with ethylene glycol toxicity. Not a pleasant way to die. Renal failure, seizures, etc. Should a neighbors child happen across the antifreeze and ingest some, I do not think your home-owners insurance will have your back. 