I forgot the name, but a few weeks ago I saw an ad for a card game on the same premise – it was a parody of sci-fi/slasher/horror movies, and had cards for different antagonists (aliens, slashers, monsters), characters, locations (haunted cabin, football bleachers), etc., etc.
Wish I could remember the name, because it seemed pretty funny…
The Precocious Kid: an eight-year old boy who already knows enough about computers to hack a Cray mainframe, or can repair the engine of a battle tank. Or a little girl who makes pithy comments that remind everyone what’s really at stake. Either is good for needing to be rescued.
The Imbecile Bureaucrat: Refuses to believe that anything could possibly be wrong, because that would ruin everything!. Ignores even the most blantant proof that the hero is right. Usually gets poetic justice by being among the first to die during the big Monster Breakout 3/4 of the way through the film.
The Hero’s Ex: someone for the Hero to constantly fight and bicker with. Almost always makes up with the Hero after they’re among the few survivors.
The Really Greedy Weasel: Just can’t resist pocketing a bit of cursed treasure, biohazardous material, or in general anything that will come back to bite them all. Does phenomenally stupid things like deactivating alarms so he can sneak out, or breaking containment seals.
The Traitor: the member of the party who was in cahoots with the bad people all along. Was secretly a (1.) android (2.) high priest of the cult (3.) covert ops agent.
The Guy Who Hates The Heros More Than The Monsters: A hitman with a job to finish, a member of a rival team, someone who just doesn’t understand that maybe ravening monsters that threaten the continued existance of the human race just might be a bigger priority.
Don’t forget the fabulously brilliant, classically educated with refined tastes yet still arrogant and psychopathic Englishman. You know, the James-Bond’s-evil-twin type. Only drinks the finest wines, wears suits from Seville Row, and spouts pithy Shakespearean quotes while grabbing random female passers-by to shield him from the hero. Examples – the villains in Cliffhanger, Passenger 57, and lots of other action movies I can’t quite recall at the moment.
There’s also the blind/deaf/mute/crippled character whose disability obviously makes him or her a saint. Once the actor has gotten the basics of the handicap down, no further character development is needed.
The baby-faced, wet-behind-the-ears rookie cop. You know he’s got a big target embossed on his chest, because he’s gonna bite the big one. Especially if it’s his birthday.
The guide to almost any cliche—plot, character, set design, lighting—you can think of. The only problem is that it doesn’t have an index, but it’s well worth owning.
The Slut: The first girl to have sex or go topless will be the first to be killed, along with her boyfriend.
Teen Girl: The best way to survive a horror movie is to be a teenaged female protecting a younger child. This is usually a babysitter, but can also be an older sister. If you turn down a date or refuse to have sex, you are guaranteed to survive.
The Boyfriend: Teen Girl’s boyfriend will often be the last of the expendible pack to go. The Slut’s boyfriend will be killed along with he.
Everyman: The ordinary guy caught in a situation beyond his control. Guaranteed to be the last survivor unless there is a Teen Girl in the cast.
Noble Thief: The bad guy who gets caught in the Bad Situation because he was trying to rob the place, but teams up with the good guy to fight the Greater Evil. Will make a Noble Sacrifice near the end.
Reformed Con: Unlike the Noble Thief, the Reformed Con mended his ways before the movie begins, but nobody trusts him because of this. Usually survives to the end or near the end.
The Nerd: The geek who just happens to be an expert in whatever scientific field needed to defeat the aliens / monster. If the nerd is an adult, he will be played by Jeff Goldblum. If the nerd is a teen, it will most likely be a very attractive young woman wearking thick rimmed glasses.
The wife-stacle - about to divorce the hero because he’s never around/never there for the kids and he’s hopelessly obsessed with his work/obsession. Invariably demands his attention at the climax of the movie. Forcing him to choose between his family and the fate of the universe.
**The boss-stacle ** - tells the hero just “let it go” (again right near the climax of the movie). Gives him a desk job/suspends him. Most likely to utter the words “loose cannon.”
The fat bitch-stacle - is hogging in the phone booth/ blocking him in line, etc. Just when the Hero is in a life and death emergency. Tends to beat hero with a purse when thwarted.
The bureaucratstacle - a bean counter or other type of bureacrat, who is hassling the hero over the many crashed vehicles, expense of the project, his disregard for safety concerns, his failure to take a physical, see a shrink, etc.
That would be Saville Row, of course. You have hereby failed How To Be An Urbane Uber-Villain 101. Guards! Place him in the ridiculously convoluted death-machine that offers multiple opportunities for escape, and then wait outside to ensure he doesn’t break free!
let’s see…some of my favorites (because I identify with them):
The guy who’s standing around with nothing to do while the heroes are trying to get something to work and who notices that it’s just unplugged, not switched on, is pointed the opposite way, or etc.
The guy or gal who, accidentally, knocks something over, leans on something, spills something, trips, or etc. allowing the hero to notice the crucial fact that saves the day.
The gal (usually, it seems) who says something; jokingly, that she heard once, that her mom or dad always said, that the villian (cryptically) said, or etc. that gives the hero the much-needed clue.
The character who, when the hero says, “If we only had a *****”, has one in their pocket for no sensible reason.
The Useless Old Coot - a local senior citizen (usually male) met by the protagonists early in the story, who knows exactly what’s wrong with those woods/those hills/that cabin/hotel/castle/cemetary. A man of few words. So few, in fact that he fails to explicitly tell the protagonists exactly what the danger is until it’s way too late. Prefers instead to speak elliptically. If this character were a little more forthcoming or articulate, many lives would be saved.
**The Deformed Henchman ** - the villain’s assistant sporting some sort of disability (hunchback, mute, dwarf, albino…) who is pathologically loyal to his boss. Either knows a 100 different ways to kill you with a kleenex or is preternaturally strong. Also a man of few words; dies right before the villain at the end of the film.
Release me you fiend! Or I’ll send for my terminally cute six year-old daughter who will charge in, wearing a mixed paisley and plaid outfit, and sing “Little Bunny FooFoo” in a pseudo-operatic trill until your eardrums bleed. Then she’ll warble the entire first act of Gilbert & Sullivan’s Iolanthe while ramming into your abdomen at full speed, demanding to see for herself what you had to eat for breakfast.
The Pet -Flavor A - Whiney/agressive/obnoxious dog/cat/exotic animal that is the first thing eaten by the monster. Only the audiance knows this; not the owners.
The Pet - Flavor B - Cutsey/Brave/curious dog/cat/exotic animal that is seen seconds away from being attacked…creates a reason for Lumpy’sThe Precocious Kid to wander into danger looking for the pet. After being given up for dead the pet miraculously emerges from the rubble at the end.
A cross between these two being the Hannibal Lecter type; a refined but sociopathic person who will provide clues…as a game or for a price. It’s a scary journey to the lair of this highly intelligent person.