Burning leaves (and wood) won’t do much - it’s carbon neutral, as any carbon in them has come from the air anyway. All you’re doing is releasing the carbon very slightly earlier than it would be released anyway as the leaves/wood rot down.
Get a job that requires you to drive 2,000 to 3,000 miles a month. Find a company that provides the car and pays for gas. Cost to you nothing and makes a decent footprint.
Use a Hummer.
Protest and lobby against any expansion of nuclear energy. Remember, nuclear energy is technological evil incarnate! We can continue to rely on coal-fired electricity for centuries.
I don’t think that works. Gasoline doesn’t actually burn, does it? I think it explodes.
Well, the vapors explode. But I have personal experience with burning pools of gas, so I know it works. Technically, I think, the vapors rising from the pool burn, but in any case you have a reasonably stable, sustained fire.
Only when you put it under too much pressure, the detonation is known as “knock” or “ping” when it happens in your car, and isn’t good for the engine. The normal type of combustion in an engine is deflagration, but that’s also under pressure. At atmospheric pressure, it would be neither, and a pool of gasoline can support a sustained fire.
Wear disposable diapers.
From the moment you get up in the morning until you drift off to sleep at night, hyperventilate.
So know I think some people are doing this already. It might explain some of the recent posts.
Don’t burn just any wood, choose exotic woods from areas where deforestation threatens the ecosystem. Not only do you get to release the carbon from the exotic woods, and generate more carbon from the harvesting and shipping process, you have the satisfaction of knowing you have reduced the capacity of a large carbon dump therefore keeping that carbon airborne for years.
Try teak or ebony, mahogany works well.
If you want a good exotic wood for cheap then try burning semi-trailer flooring, it is a laminate of nice African mahogany (used for it’s strength) so the burning glue and wood combined with the existing footprint of each is a gold mine of carbon emissions.
Again, carbon neutral.
If you want to crank up your carbon footprint you really need to aim for fossil fuels. Using more plastic and concrete would help. Just waste as much energy as you can. It’s strangely hard to be an energy pig and be budget conscious at the same time.
Jam a rubber ball into the track every automated sliding door you see. All the building’s cold air will whoosh out and send the AC into overtime. This is convenient for the bouncy balls won’t put a big drain on your budget.
Shhhhh.
Agreed, but don’t waste time waiting for exotic wood to arrive. Burn local wood while you’re waiting for the exotics.
Don’t rule out buying an SUV so soon, you should be able to find a big used one for around $150 any time now. You’d still have to buy the gas, though.
At that price, you can practically put them atop a wood pile and burn them.
Two words - Tire Fire
There are lots of good suggestions here, but the best way to increase your carbon footprint without incurring a direct cost is to decrease the efficiency of others.
If you live in a state that lets you turn right at a red light, don’t. The line of cars that sit idling behind you while you wait for the light to change can easily muliply your own waste by 10 or more.
If you ride a bicycle, ride in the middle of the lane. That will slow down lots of people, and some of them will have so little self control that they might even cause an accident, thus causing further delay and repair costs.
At the supermarket, open the freezer door before deciding what you want.
Always ask for a bag whenever you make a purchase, even if it’s just a pack of gum. When possible, ask them to double bag. If asked, say you live in a third floor apartment or last time it leaked on your Jaguar’s custom interior.
Use as much disposable tableware, napkins, and papertowels as possible. Always buy the cheapest kind, but use 2-3 plates to make sure it doesn’t soak through. Added bonus: No washing dishes.
When the cost difference is minimal, buy products individually packaged or in smaller packages rather than in bulk. Don’t bother to scrape the last little bit out if it seems like too much effort.
Pick up smoking. Enjoy a nice cigarette next time you’re on a scenic autumn hike at your local park. Fail to dispose of your cigarette properly.
When at work, so it costs you no extra money, plug in as many extra fans, lights, space-heaters, and other appliances (like a small fridge or a microwave) as you can get away with. Use them liberally.
Another work one. Leave the window open for “fresh air” particularly during the warmest months of summer and coldest months of winter; adjust the thermostat for your office accordingly.
Don’t recycle, ever. When possible, steal your neighbor’s recycling bin and mix it with your trash as well.
Litter.
Research before you buy. Choose companies that are less environmentally friendly. Choose products made in less environmentally friendly countries. Ensure maximum packaging and shipping costs for all of your products.
Take political action. Vote for the least environmentally friendly candidates, even if you disagree with them on all other issues. Regularly write them letters about issues with major environmental impact. Attend environmental rallies and protest, obstruct, or otherwise cause mischief.
Buy a new car. Burning the most fuel is not necessarily your goal; find the ones that burn it the least cleanly. Modify it to improve performance, particularly if it makes it produce more emissions.
Don’t carpool. If you must, always choose the vehicle with worse gas mileage. Cite comfort as a reason.
This should get you well on the way. Hope it works out well for you.
On Preview: Hmm… Attempted to post this some time ago, but locked up and didn’t seem to go through. I did preview again to make sure, but still apologize if it ends up being a double.