-
For those of you who thought my class was a waste of time… you will be happy to know you will be wasting time again next semester.
-
I think some of you may have turned in the answers for the wrong test. However you will be graded on the test I handed out.
-
Hi Opal
-
Ask to see said student(s) at the front of the room (after class… before class… whatever) tell them you are making out your seating plan for next semester. Ask if they have any preferences.
-
If you had half a brain your head would be lopsided.
-
You have mastered the concepts of veracity and logic almost as well as Jack Chick.
-
Those of you who think you did well obviously don’t think well.
-
Several of you would be wise to try for a Darwin Award.
So what planet are you from, and do you get cable?
(if one of them says he has an idea)
Oooh, don’t scare it. It’s in a strange place.
Yo! Einstein!
It is better to keep silent and have people think you are simple than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Remember, those who fail to learn from history will have to take it again this summer.
Courtesy of “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”
You are dumber than a bag of hammers.
“I’m really surprised you don’t fall down a lot more often.”
After a particularly bad answer (works best in a classroom setting)
“Thank you for giving us that bit of information. Everyone in this room is now a little less intelligent.”
or
Your mind is like a steel trap. . . rusted open and unable to grasp anything.
or
When they were passing out brains, you thought they said trains, so you missed yours.
or
I would engage you in a battle of wits, but I don’t fight unarmed people.
or
I see someone got a real whipping from the stupid stick.
If I put my ear to your head, will I be able to hear the ocean.
Some of the knives in this drawer can’t cut sour cream.
I’d suggest you pay attention, if I thought it would help.
Tastee-Freeze doesn’t hire comedians.
The best one I ever saw was a grizzled old historian who suddenly woke a class up by saying, “pay very close attention because this next part will definitely be on the test.”
He then wrote wrote on the overhead, “comprehensive knowledge of the subject.”
A long, long time ago, in a school far, far away…
…I was taking a college physics lab. One of my lab reports was returned to me with a crude drawing of what I at first took to be a lightbulb with a frowning face and two spindly arms reaching up with little balled-up fists held about where the ears would have been.
Then I saw the caption written underneath: “Picture of professor pulling out what little hair he has left”.