Help me not freak out at my new job.

In My Humble Opinion
1

Ok. I just found a job that is almost perfect. It will be within walking or biking distance of the apartment I’m planning to get in the next couple months, it will be part time even if I decide to take all 6 shifts available weekly, it won’t interfere with my school schedule, and the money will be good.

Here’s the problem. It’s a server position in a new cafe. I have practically no server experience. The little experience that I do have was forever ago, in the dining room at a retirement home, where the menu was limited and the tickets preprinted so you just had to circle the diner’s drink choice, side dishes, etc.

The other problem: I have pretty bad anxiety. Though it’s limited to a bit of social anxiety (not bad, usually quite managable) and workplace anxiety, it still makes things difficult when starting a new job. I have a whole list of jobs from the age of 16 that I either worked for a few days or a week, or couldn’t even go my first day, because of panic attacks. It’s gotten easier over the years as I’ve gotten more experience, but anything the least bit outside my comfort zone is liable to trigger a panic attack.

This is way outside my comfort zone. I left my previous server position after only a few months because I was spending more time in the stockroom crying than actually serving. I’d get fairly comfortable, then have to deal with more new stuff. For instance, I got comfortable in the training section which had only 3 small tables, but then I had to move to a regular section with more tables which triggered more anxiety. Bad news.

Now, my new boss knows that I have basically no experience. I don’t know if she plans on making me a hostess, or if she thinks I can just jump into serving. It’s not open yet, it will open next week with little fanfare before the grand opening 2 weeks from now. I’m planning on talking with her tomorrow about some extra training, because everyone else on the waitstaff has years of experience.

I also have a limited supply of Xanax for exactly this reason. It’s the lowest dose possible, and I can take two a day. My prescriber recommended taking one in the morning before work, then I have the option of taking another one if I feel a panic attack coming on. I’d like to use this sparingly, as I don’t want to be stuck taking Xanax forever and also because I don’t know how long it will take to get comfortable. I don’t want to run out of Xanax in 2 weeks then start having panic attacks when business starts to pick up.

So, please, help!

2

Sorry to hear this is so difficult for you. Anxiety is weird that way, sort of turning out to be both the cause and the result at the same time. I guess there’s no surefire way around it.

But for what it’s worth, you could recognize that a situation like this new job is an elective and disposable opportunity. That is, it’s not that big a problem if you make a few mistakes or if you break down in a fit. You could look at it as a sort of experiment, just to see how it goes. You always have the option to walk away, and you could stay there on a minute-to-minute basis, whether they realize you’re thinking that way or not.

I get very anxious when traveling by air about the possibility I will do something wrong and not make it onto my flight. You know, get lost in the airport, stand at the wrong gate, not hear the boarding announcement, that sort of thing. I’ve actually never missed one and had it be my fault, but it still makes me crazy. The weird thing is that the few times I did miss a flight (because the flight I was connecting from was late, or the new flight was cancelled), the anxiety suddenly evaporated, and I’d try to figure out some other way to complete my trip but I would be just as calm and content as you could imagine while doing so. It almost becomes nice at that point - in fact, yes, it DOES become nice. Weird.

So, I don’t know, maybe you should try missing a flight (whatever that’s a metaphor for in your situation), see if that fixes everything…

3

I’ve never been a server, but I’ve eaten at restaurants. :wink: If I’m at a newly opened restaurant, I don’t expect everything to run smoothly. Maybe this can be your “already missed the flight” metaphor.

4

Oh, c’mon, what’s the worst thing that can happen?

Seeing yourself described in the latest Pit thread about lousy waitrons?

That would get you a chance to explain, wouldn’t it? Which is better than most people being Pitted get :slight_smile:

Now seriously… I’ve only waited tables as a part-time job in the summer or as part of ACS-style stuff, and it’s not that hard except on the feet. Jot down what the customers want, repeat it back to make sure you got everything right, don’t try to remember who asked for what. And when you get an Idiot Customer, figure it’s probably because his day is sucking.

People don’t expect you to be their friend. They expect you to bring drinks and food. Perky is nice if you’re feeling it, but I’d rather have a harried-looking waitress who checks things twice and brings what we asked for (specially when the place is packed and then some, I mean, gee, it’s not like I can’t figure out why she’s a bit frizzy around the edges) than one who chirps brightly enough to make Tweety Bird want to puke but can’t remember the difference between Coke and Diet Coke.

5

I’m sorry, anxiety is a big problem for me too and I know how it sucks. Try to remember, they liked you enough to hire you, and ask for any assistance you need because they WANT you to do well.

Probably. :slight_smile:

6

“In the weeds.”

“Behind you.”

Those are two phrases I learned from waiting tables. If you’re “in the weeds” it means you need help. Don’t be afraid to ask for it.

“Behind you” is helpful when you’re passing behind another server with a tray full of food. You don’t want them backing away from the table into you.

Be polite, friendly, and don’t be afraid to joke about how new you are. It’s gotten me a bit more patience from customers. And if you don’t know the answer to a question…go find out. I’ve been burned trying to wing it. It takes two seconds to ask a manager something, and prevents a pissed off customer.

7

My problem is that I’m terrified of making any mistake, ever. Or not knowing everything immediately. It’s a wierd perfectionist thing. With retail (the majority of my job experience) I am comfortable enough with any situation that I could work a register on the day after Thanksgiving with a day’s worth of training. I’ve had to do that before.

Yesterday I freaked out, spent a while in the bathroom having a panic attack, then said I was sick so my boss sent me home. Why did I freak out? Because we were taking all the new silverware and dishes, running them through the dishwasher, and rolling napkins. Had I just been on napkin duty, I would have been fine. But, I didn’t know how to work the dishwasher, I had never polished silverware using coffee filters, and I just didn’t know what to do. Everyone else jumped in and started doing their thing, I spent a couple minutes sort of looking around lost, freaked out because I thought everyone was staring at the idiot who didn’t know what she was doing, and rushed off to the bathroom.

I didn’t have any Xanax with me yesterday :smack:. I’m hoping that will help for the first few days, until I can get comfortable enough with everything. I’m going to ask my boss to walk me through everything before we open, and I’m going to tell her to explain everything to me like I’m an idiot because I really don’t want to make any mistakes. Even down to basic things like where do we put our order tickets, how do I make cappucino (I made a few espresso drinks forever ago at a former job, but it’s been nearly 10 years and I wasn’t all that good at it), stuff like that.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she’ll start me off as a hostess/drink getter/general helper-outer.

8

Don’t drip sweat into the food.

Keep your hands dry.

Best you get a handle on your anxiety or you will soon be again looking for work.

Look at it this way. The worst you can do is spill a plate of food and look like a doofus. No one is going to care after the tenth time. It’s not like you killed someone. OTOH, if you were the cook …

9

Treat yourself to the luxury of being able to make mistakes. I can’t seem to get by without it - none of us can. None of us want you to try to avoid every mistake. Just try to be kind to us.

At work, I bought $130,000 worth of something that didn’t work, and argued against starting what has since become one of our oldest businesses. If you can top me, tell us all about it - it would be entertaining, and would also make me feel better.

10

Those flappy things under your nose are lips and they are for you to ask with. All you need to do is be honest and not afraid to open your mouth.

No one, (except foolish you) expects you to know the ins and outs of things that are specific to your individual cafe. When you don’t say anything and don’t bother to ask, they assume you do know. None of them were born knowing how to do these things, they had to do what you’re doing, watch and learn and not be afraid to ask.

If you’d just stood by quietly and watched, instead of freaking out, you’d know how to do the silverware polishing today. It’s not small engine maintenance, there is no skill being applied in a restaurant that you don’t already possess. Carry plates, take orders, wipe dishes, smile at customers, count your money.

Practice at home, until you find a sentence that you can easily blurt out, that you’re comfortable with, along the lines of; “I’m sorry, but I want to be sure I do this just right, could you give me some pointers, I’m still something of a newbie.” Then, practice a second sentence; “Could you show me that one more time, please, I don’t think I’m getting it quite right.”

Owning up to what you don’t know is like the magic eraser of all things anxiety producing. Just say it, the world will not end, the sky will not fall, no one will think less of you because of it. Just do it.

Oh, and stop defining yourself in these terms, it’s very self fulfilling. Better you should say, “I’m more of a perfectionist than is sometimes healthy”, or “One day I hope to be less…”. Words are very powerful things, choose them with great care, especially when self referencing. You will never rise above how you choose to define yourself, don’t forget it.

Perfectionism is a great hinderence to a full and active life, never for lose sight of that. Ask anyone, the most exciting things we face in life are often the things that are new and unfamiliar to us. It is also a form of self absorption. I say, climb on down and enjoy life with the rest of us flawed human beings, you’ll enjoy it a lot more, I promise.

And good luck to you, I have a feeling you’re going to need it.

11

Well, I know you’re getting help for this, so I will only add this:

You Will Screw Up. You will get an order wrong. It happens. The manager knows it will happen. All you can do is apologize and move on.

As far as not knowing everything immediately, that’s what training is for. Are you going to remember everything? Probably not. But as long as you know enough to know when to ask for help, you’ll be fine.

12

Being successful isn’t all about knowing how to do everything. It’s got a lot to do with knowing when to say you don’t know something, and being cool about it.

13

OK, copy this into a piece of cardboard:

NOBODY
WAS
BORN
KNOWING

And on the other side:

YOU’RE
NOT
NOBODY

My Dad had a similar negative-perfectionism problem. If he ran into a difficulty he couldn’t figure out on his own within a few minutes, and he could afford to drop the activity altogether, that’s what he did. Does your boss know you have problems asking for help?

I managed to turn it into positive perfectionism: doing the best I can, but knowing when I can’t. You can do it, too. Promise!

14

Thanks for the advice everyone. So far, here’s what I plan for today (I have to go in at 11; we’re trying out the menu):

Exercise right about now to relieve some stress and release some endorphins.
Take a nice hot bath.
Pop a Xanax.
Get ready for work.
Head in early.
Talk to manager about extra training.

I’m working out what I’m going to say, but it will be something along the lines of, “I wanted to ask you about extra training, since I have basically no experience compared to everyone else. Can you walk me through everything, or would I be able to shadow someone for a day or two, or something? I’m a bit nervous about jumping in with both feet.”

15

I am completely not trying to be an ass here. I used to do job placement and support for people with psych disabilities, so my question comes from that place—

How on earth is this the perfect job for you if it is causing you this much anxiety already? I worry that you’re setting yourself up. It might be a perfect location, or perfect pay, but if the actual tasks of the job are making you so anxious, I’d have to wonder if there isn’t a better job match for you out there.

I’m not saying that you should never take a job you’re a little anxious about. No one would ever work if that were the case. But maybe you should start with something a little bit outside your comfort zone as opposed to way outside it.

Just my thoughts. I want you to do—and feel—well.

16

I can’t speak for the OP, but even if I found my ‘perfect job’, I’d still be anxious as hell starting it. I’d still worry about making loads of mistakes, of not knowing what to do, of being found out a fraud and laughed out of the office. You know, all the usual trappings of workplace anxiety. Sure, there’d be less anxiety than if I got a job, say, telemarketing, but the core anxiety would still remain, for me at least.

17

Are you seeking therapy for the anxiety? There’s lots of people with similar problems, and they’re overcome-able. Realize that you will get through this.

As for the job, I’d be up-front about the situation. If they are uncomfortable with it, then maybe it’s not the perfect job for you.

18

Oh, I certainly get that. That’s why I said that I don’t think one has to be anxiety-free about a job before accepting it. I am always anxious about a new job.

I just wondered if this was the best type of position to go for, given this:

Again, I’m really trying to be helpful and not hurtful here. I just wondered if there was a position which would cause less anxiety and therefore allow RRFM to feel more successful.

19

To answer lorene’s questions, you’re right, it would make more sense to go for a less stressful job. However, my last server position was at a time when I was seeking no help at all for anxiety and depression, so I’m hoping my happy little pills will be helpful here.

The bottom line is, I really need a job, I’d really like to keep this job, and forcing myself to overcome my anxiety problem will really make me feel good about myself.

Update on the job anxiety- I did what I planned on, and didn’t freak out or even get close to freaking out today (except for some minor “Crap traffic’s bad I don’t want to be late!” on my way there). I talked to my boss, who said she’s going to help me, and to let my fellow servers know so they can keep an eye on me and make sure I don’t get totally lost the first few days.

So I’m feeling much better about it. The Xanax helped a lot, so if I can use that at first to take the edge off, I’m sure I’ll get comfortable soon.