Before I begin, I assure you that this has nothing to do with my last IMHO thread.
I want to be discreet about this, so I’m sorry if the story seems very spotty. A little while ago, a friend of mine showed me and my girlfriend extreme disrespect. I’d prefer not to go into detail, but I will say that his actions would widely be considered inappropriate. I got in touch with him via e-mail, simply asking if we could talk about it. In response, I received an insultingly condescending e-mail that not only sought to downplay his actions, but also implied that I was being obsessive about it.
Zonk! That irritated me further, and now, after further interaction (where he’s pointedly ignored me) I’ve decided to be a bit snarky in my reply. However, I want it to be subtle.
So, here’s the question. How can I come across as condescendingly as possible without having it be obvious or over the top? Tactics I’ve decided on so far:
Using the correct forms of words he misused (e.g. “regardless” for “irregardless”).
Discuss his “misconceptions” and the “difficulties we seem to be having” regarding the issue.
Overly formal language.
There are others, but those are some examples. Thanks!
Phrases like “I am sure you sincerely believe that (insert his position here)” and “I am sure that, on reflection, you will agree that (opposite of his position).”
Sounds to me like a lot of energy spent in a negative way. What good can come out of it? If you hurt him good, he will try to hurt you even better. If you don’t hurt him as well as you wanted, you will be even more frustrated.
Just be coolly distant whenever he tries to contact you again. If he doesn’t notice, good riddance. If he notices and asks why, tell him.
1 is almost guaranteed not to work unless you’re explicit (e.g. “I assume you meant voila when you typed viola, since neither of us are musicians.”), since he’s likely to assume either that he’s right and you’re wrong, that they are synonymous, or just not notice that he’s been corrected.
Apparently this chap can annoy you by his behaviour, his e-mails and even by ignoring you.
Unless you want to be friends again, why spend your time on this irritation?
Subtle to make it even easier for him to ignore it?
Sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like your e-mails are the ones that fall into the wiener category. I don’t see how you’re going to one-up this chap via e-mail. Confront him in person, as probably should have been done when the incident occurred.
I can’t tell if his actions were inappropriate unless I know what he did. But without that info, if you feel he was seriously out of line, don’t respond to his email and dump him as a friend.
I think that if you wish to resolve your conflict, you should talk in person. If you do not, then just let it go. Devote your energy to something more constructive. Maybe one day down the road you will have a chance to be friends again … you might be jeopardizing that chance. Meanwhile, you will be typing a document that he can read and re read (and have others read and interpret). When it is all over you both may risk looking childish and petty.
If you’re that pissed off, challenge him to a friendly boxing match at the local gym. Win or lose you get the male aggression out and everybody goes home happy. If he declines, then just wash your hands of him.
I got over my little fit of pique, as most of you suggested to do. Although avoiding him entirely is impossible, I’m going to stick to more agreeable friends.