Help! My ex is a cat hoarder.

In My Humble Opinion
1

There, I said it.

It started when he met his now wife and they moved into a lovely little home in suburbia. First it was 3 cats and two dogs… then it was just a few strays they were feeding here and there.

The next I heard he was building an enclosure for the large number of strays hanging around his back yard… you know, so they wouldn’t be without some shade during the blistering summer.

Now, more than a year later, I find out that there are roughly 3 dozen cats in my ex’s house.

Now, he and his wife are not bad people. They recognize that this is a problem, but with no money to spay/neuter the strays, they’ve basically just allowed themselves to be overwhelmed.

I do not want my son around a million cats when he visits his father. It’s not sanitary, it can’t be. He lives about 80 miles from me, so we meet in the middle to transport my son back and forth for visitations. My son says the house is messy and that there are too many cats, but it could be worse than that. He definitely returns to my house with a distinct cat odor every time he goes to visit.

I feel like the worst human being ever for telling my well-intentioned ex that I don’t want my son to visit him… but I feel like the worst mom ever for letting my son spend any time in that environment.

So today, the straw broke. My ex called and advised that he’s going to have an inspection (did I mention this is a rental) on the 19th and can our son please come help him get the place cleaned out this week…

AAGH. Our son is almost 14, so he’s not necessarily a toddler who is going to play around in cat feces given half the opportunity or anything, but I can’t help but think this is NOT something my son should be doing.

That said, I do want to help my ex out. I’d be happy to help him this weekend, but I just don’t know what good that is going to do with a million cats that will, no doubt, be coming right back in after this inspection.

So I blew up at him over the phone. I told him that he and his wife may be animal hoarders and that it puts both them and my son at risk and that he HAS to get rid of most of these cats. He agreed and admitted he’s just basically become overwhelmed and isn’t sure wtf to do now.

Guess what? I have NO idea what to do now either. Where do you take that many cats? I’m told the pound/humane society charge a drop off fee (which I understand, but neither of us are in a financial situation where we can pay for some place to take that many cats) and I don’t know what else we can do besides calling the authorities.

It breaks my heart to even consider that, since I’m going through a separation right now (with my current husband, ex and I have been divorced for 12 years) and with my son as upset as he is over his lack of a father figure in our home, I can’t imagine risking his father getting arrested for something that is basically good intentions gone awry.

So what now? Any ideas? Recommendations? Anybody have experience with friends/family who hoard animals? I feel completely sick right now.

2

I think it is important to make sure your son always knows what is going on in an objective way. It sounds like you are doing that. I am not sure about your area, but the media in the places I have lived often picks up on cases like this and runs with them often as multi-part exposes and the public backlash can be brutal not to mention the potential legal consequences. It is no joking matter and it could end up with similar results to seeing a family member’s face on TV for running a prostitution ring or drug smuggling.

Hoarders don’t do it because they are bad people. They just develop a bad problem but that applies to many serious issues. I would keep your son away from it as much as possible as well. Some of that is enabling behavior and his father just needs to deal with it himself.

3

Have you tried contacting the ASPCA? Not to be confused with the SPCA, which is a different organization. The ASPCA might be able to help you, and I don’t know if they would charge a fee or not.

4

I’m amassing a list of resources for him right now and trying to talk him through the process. I’ll make sure to put the ASPCA at the top of the list. Trying to find information online is a bit of a bear. I’ve found several no-kill shelters that all list at max capacity. Ugh.

What. A. Mess.

5

You know, I love animals, I’m even a vegetarian, but if it comes down to not finding a no-kill shelter that will take them, you may have to go to a conventional one. I would be willing to bet money that a number of them may need to be euthanized anyway (injuries, sores, malnutrition, communicable diseases), and if you’re concerned enough about your ex not going to prison/getting big fines/whatever, that may be your only option. It might also wake him up about the reality of the situation.

6

At least he recognizes there’s a problem. Hoarders frequently become so deluded and emotionally isolated that they’ll do anything to keep the critters.

If money is a problem, can you help with a little?

Are there cat rescue organizations in your area that aren’t shelters, but could help with rehoming kittehs that are suitable for same?

7

I agree with Ferret Herder (nice name and thread combo, by the way :slight_smile: ); any shelter would be better at this point than three dozen intact cats breeding their way into oblivion. I don’t know about shelters charging drop off fees (I’m fairly sure our local one doesn’t), but I think that most people involved in animal rescue would be willing to work with people involved in such a situation, for the good of the animals. It certainly wouldn’t hurt for you to ask.

8

Related thread and article.

9

I agree with this as well. I have cats and probably to many but they are all fixed and have their shots.

You may also want to consider if he does take them to a kill shelter the shear volume will raise a red flag.

His best bet maybe to contact a shelter and be completly honest with his situation. If he is upfront about it they may be able to help more than some one with just one or two cats they need to find homes for.

If he comes clean I am sure there will be fines but jail time may be waived if the court system understands he was over his head, realized it and asked for help. He could end up just having community service working in a shelter perhaps the same one housing these cats.

As a mother I would want to keep my son out of it as well but since he is fourteen you could just sit down with him and ask if he wants to help his dad. He knows of the situation so it is not like it is some type of shock. If he wants to help then I would let him and make it known you are willing to help as well. If not then I would tell him I understand and then reassure him that in the end it will all work out but it may take some time. If you help clean and give him the information you found that is great but I would leave it at that. I am sure they are not bad people just people caught in a bad situation but it is not your problem even if you have a son together.

I hate to say it but he has to suffer some or it may just happen again in a couple years after everything is over.

I hope it all works out for him and his wife and down the road they can be responsible pet owners.

10

I don’t even know that there will be criminal prosecution. Most hoarders are recognized as having a mental illness. He may lose his rental, though. And I fear that very often many cats kept by hoarders aren’t considered adoptable. They’re often quite feral and not too healthy. It’s sad, but the bulk of them may be euthanized. I’d say if he can’t get them into no-kill shelters he should take them to the local animal control. Or at least those that are least likely to be adopted. It’s heartbreaking, but maybe he can give those who have the most chance a spot in the real shelters.

As for your son, at 14 he’s old enough to decide whether he wants to help out his dad. I’d guess that the ex will probably be evicted, because cat smell is almost impossible to get rid of.

StG

11

Call them, speak to a person. They may be able to take a few kittens into foster homes or refer you to other places.

12

This … most CH cats are going to be killed one way or another so looking for a no kill shelters for CH cats might be a big waste of time. Given the potential disease and socialization issues many shelters might consider them virtually unadoptable.