If you wanted to see the statements, why don’t you just check online? I’m sure since you have the card info you could just log on and see. You pay the bills.
The trust issue is probably a factor. Sit down. Talk.
Please keep us informed on how things go (if you feel appropriate).
I also kind of had a kneee-jerk response where I thought, “What century is this?” I mean, really, what you talk of is our parents’ time and even before that.
She needs to have more of a say in where the majority of the money is going, that is, have some input.
You need to know what the hell is going on that she can get into that much debt.
Honestly, it sounds like she’s taking revenge on you for the perceived notion that you control the money.
You say you don’t know what she does with the money, does she know? And honestly, if she wants extra money she should get a part-time job to finance whatever she needs.
There are issues here, but everyone else has already told you that.
As her husband, you might want to look into whether or not you are responsible for her debts anyway. My understanding is that both spouses are responsible for debts incurred while married, whether your name’s on the card or not. Her refusal to let you see the credit card statements is a big, fat, red flag. It might be a heck of a lot higher than the $8000 she’s admitting.
It doesn’t sound to me like you’re being controlling with the money; it sounds like if she had valid reasons (i.e. not gambling debts) for needing more money, you would have given it to her. Something is going on with her that she feels she needs to spend way more money than her weekly budget that she agreed on with you. I agree with all others that couple’s and financial counselling is in order here.
And I just have to say, $430 a week? I read that as $430 a month at first, and it didn’t sound unreasonable to me, if all the fixed expenses are already taken care of. Wow. There’s a whole 'nother way of living out there that I obviously know very little about.
That may well be so, but I question it because it seems to me that it was her choice to receive this sort of allowance, or that it was decided to be the best arrangement by the two of them as a couple. The OP says that his wife doesn’t like him looking over her expenditures so he agreed to give her a set amount. Sounds like she had a choice in the matter, it wasn’t just him saying, “This is all you get.”
I agree with those who have said there’s likely something else going on deeper down with her. It could be anything from a gambling problem to depression. A few years ago, a friend of mine had some major spending issues. She had a hard time finding a job after finishing college, so she was staying home with her two young children. She was depressed, her self-esteem was low, and she made herself feel better by going shopping. I watched her spend $700 on a day’s shopping trip on more than one occasion, when I might fork out $25 to $100. Now she’s doing much better. She’s employed full-time, and her uncontrollable spending habits have ceased.
I just want to add, and I know it sounds bad, your wife can get a credit card that you are responsible for without you knowing about it. You can do a credit check on yourselves to find out what outstanding credit is in your names. Forgive me for what I’m implying here but a warning’s better than oops.
I don’t know much about how this works, but here are my two cents:
When I got a little behind on my Macy’s bill, they started calling for me at all kinds of wonderful hours. “Diosa?” they would ask. “No.” I would reply. “Is she there?” “No.” “Does she have a husband I can speak to?”…
That’s my point. Can’t you call the companies and get copies of the bills, as you are liable for them also?
She’s either spending money on legitimate things or she’s not. You need to determine if she’s an emotional spender or if you are unrealistic about the budget.
My husband hinted a few years back that I wasn’t managing our money properly (He manages our long-term money; I manage our day to day money). We fought and the end result was that I created a budget that line items every thing we spend money on, from fundraisers, to hair cuts, to cable, to tennis club memberships, to groceries, all the way to the mortgage. I showed him how there were months when our expenses exceeded our income. Yes, there were occasional frivolities that I spent money on (e.g. a new comforter set), but all in all I was not guilty of mishandling our money. He simply did not understand how our money was being spent. It was my job not to just ask for more money, but to educate him on the realities of life in suburbia.
We know treat our own budget similar to a business. We conduct a formal annual State of the Budget review where we discuss everything related to finances, including retirement, net worth, and capital projects. We each have “wish list” items that may or may not happen. Each month I’ll give him a casual review on how we are doing and to let him know about any speedbumps ahead (e.g. vacation, property taxes, Xmas bills) so he doesn’t blow a head gasket when I ask for $7,000 out of savings. It’s worked well for us.
The OPer and his wife need to start acting as a team. What is good for you is good for the family and vice versa. I know a lot of people are saying $430 a week? My God! But if she is like me and every 6 months she’ll open a $2000 property tax bill, you would understand that it may not be a wife overspending as much as a husband who doesn’t see the trees for the forest. No matter what, it’s up to her to communicate to him and defend herself, if needed. And if she can’t defend herself, she needs to be brought back into the business model, if you will, and understand the impact on her family if she continues to overspend.
Excellent points, Pundit. My husband and I have a budget that accounts for nearly every dollar we spend - we both bring all receipts back in for recording. We both know at all times where the money is and where it’s going. The fact that way too much of it is going for dinners out is well known by both of us. 
Everyone has made really good points so far. I would add that one of the problems of the OP’s current arrangement is that it disconnects the wife from the money that she doesn’t see. In other words, from her perspective the OP controls some large amount of money, from which he gives her as little as he can get away with. If his business does great or poorly, she is no richer or poorer. So if she can get more money out of him, either directly or indirectly, she has made money. There’s no downside to running up a big credit card bill – the OP will have to pay it off, and she wasn’t going to see that money in any other form anyway.
With fully shared finances, there’s far less incentive to hoard, because it’s already your money anyway. Any money you blow on stupid crap now is less money you have down the road for a house, or a new car, or a cool vacation, or whatever.
I’m a recently married husband in a similar situation. My bride brought in debt, I knew about it and I’m OK with it (well, not pleased, but, y’know, oooohhh-kaayyy). You can’t change the past, only the future.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that your wife is not showing you the credit card bill because it is not $8000, it’s much more. Whatever you do, it’s important to get her to understand that debt cost money. It’s not only the $8000+ that is owed, it’s the interest owed on carrying the debt. If it’s 10% then you’re looking at an extra $800 a year/$66.67 a month that is flying out of your pockets to the credit card company. I’m sure she’d rather have that money to spend on something she wants.
The first thing to get agreement on is making sure you’re paying the lowest interest possible. Shop for a new credit card with a lower rate and transfer the balance. Stop using the old one, cut it up, but don’t close the account (for some insane reason that lowers your credit score).
As for all of the comment regarding counselling and unequal power, etc., I think it is important to stress in your conversations that you value your relationship and don’t want to see it harmed by this, that you recognize the pitfalls of the unequality. Don’t play the hard-guy authority father role here. Let her know you respect her and her challenges. Help her open up on the subject. And take a page from PunditLisa about bringing her into the detailed information side of personal finance. She might suprise you.
Good luck to you both!