Help The Onion

[Shirley_Ujest]

Louis Armstrong Releases New Album Entitled Floatin’ Home.

[Scissorjack]

ignored Warnings In Blues Lyrics Slammed

[mamboman]

“Al Queda hijacks submarine - takes out One Shell Square”

[Scissorjack]

Devil Criticises Blocked Access To Crossroads

[Scruloose]

New Orleans destroyed, millions homeless. Geico, however, has some good news.

[rayh]

New Orleans - White Person in Looting Shock

[Mighty_Girl]

“New Orleans offers great real estate investment opportunities” says expert

[elmwood]

New Orleans Disaster Predicted By Canadians In 1989

TV Tonight - 8:00
CNN - Larry King Tonight: How Katrina Will Affect The Search For Natalee Halloway
Fox News - Katrina: The Clinton Connection
Lifetime Movies - Mother, May I Sleep With Danger In The Superdome?
Travel Channel - Las Vegas Buffet Secrets #14
HGTV - House Detective: Where Did My Shotgun Shack Float Off To?

Before I forget …

The Outside Scoop
By Jackie Harvey

Item! What do you get when you combine warm water with converging winds that move along the same track as the prevailing wind? Katrina! Not Katrina Leskanich of Katrina and the Waves – you’ll hear about her in next week’s column – but rather a stormy sensation that recently made an appearance in New Orleans! On a related note, word has it that Dennis Quaid, who starred in The Big Easy, made an appearance in the recent film Flight of the Phoenix. Bet a lot of soggy people in the Fifth Ward wish they were in Phoenix now, too!

[Scissorjack]

Area Man Makes It To Crossroads, Sells Soul For Large TV

[Tracy_Lord]

@Sternvogel

News Briefs

Purdue Assistant Coach Must Change Name, Says NCAA

WEST LAFAYETTE, Indiana – Citing a need for sensitivity to victims of the hurricane which recently devastated New Orleans and the Gulf Coast of Mississippi and Alabama, the National Collegiate Athletic Association has demanded that Purdue University assistant women’s basketball coach Katrina Merriweather rename herself something less offensive. “Hurricane Katrina hardly provided merry weather to those who were killed, uprooted, or otherwise affected by the wrath of its wind, rain, and subsequent flooding”, declared NCAA President Myles Brand. “Therefore, we urge that the Boilermakers and their third-year aide work together to find her a name that will not cause offense when the team, or any subsequent one which may employ her, plays against Tulane, the University of New Orleans, or South Alabama.” Failure to comply by November 18, the date of the Boilers’ regular-season opener against Butler, may be met with sanctions including, but not limited to, loss of scholarships and a ban on post-season play.

Winner~

[Scissorjack]

Fedral Aid Suspended As Louisiana Purchase Declared Illegal: ‘Go Ask The French’, Says Bush

[Wolfian]

God, after reading all the bitching on the boards lately and the news I needed this. Thanks guys!

God Goes Back on the Rainbow Covenant.
Who’s gonna stop me, Buddha?

[elmwood]

Neocons Says Hurricane is God’s Punishment For Being Black, Poor.

[Sampiro]

"Have you ever noticed how some black people look almost like Condoleeza?" asks Bush, after seeing them close-up

[Baldwin]

Bush Dons Flight Suit, Addresses Refugees at Astrodome.

Subhead: “Mission Accomplished”.

[Scissorjack]

Putin Criticises Rescue Delays, Offers Submarine To Aid

[Shirley_Ujest]

Cannibalism Reported Amongst Survivors

Refugees want Tube Steak.

[Little_Nemo]

BIGGER DISASTER ON HORIZON:
NEW ORLEANS HURRICANE INSPIRES CROSSOVER WATERWORLD/BLUES BROTHERS 2000 SEQUEL

[Marley23]

Bad Weather Makes New Orleans Slightly More Disgusting

[Shirley_Ujest]

Theme of Rawhide heard playing in Superdome.