"Here's your sign" moments

I raised a few hogs this year since money is tight. They went to hog heaven (aka my freezer) this last weekend. My neighbor came over with his backhoe to dig a hole to bury the guts + stuff, and some relatives from Massachusetts came along for the ride. We’re standing there, not 5’ from the fence, inside of which there is a couple acres of completely bare ground covered in hoofprints and pig shit. Everything outside of the fence is overgrown field or forest. We’re surrounded by various inedible bits of pig. The guy who came along for the ride asks…

get this…

“Were these pigs raised locally?”


Please share your own stories.

Several years ago, I was visiting at my parent’s home for Thanksgiving.

My Mom dropped me at my brother’s house that morning – he lies about 5 miles away from my parents. Then plan was for us to take 2 cars to my parent’s house for dinner later in the day, with one car stopping at a nearby assisted living home to pick up my SIL’s dad.

When we leave for my parents’ one car won’t start. So we all – my brother, sister-in-law, niece, nephew and 2 friends…cram like sardines into the one working car for the short ride.

Then I had the moment: I remembered my sister-in-laws dad.

I asked her “Are you going to drop us off before you go pick up Billy?”

Without missing a beat she said…“Nah, I figured we’d just strap him to the roof rack”.

A coworker of mine related the following:

Her widowed mother had attracted the attentions of a friendly gentleman at church. He decided to pay a visit to her at home. He walked up to the house where the mother was outside washing the car.
He opened with, “So! This is where you live!”
She answered, “No, I don’t live here. I just go up and down random streets, washing people’s cars for them.”

One quite literal “Here’s your sign” moment.

My office building was designed to be a funeral parlor, but it was never used as such. Our name is on the building in big gold letters and we have a big outside sign proclaiming our business.

A real warRW agent was calling trying to find our building. I directed him to the corner and stated “It’s the big white building on the corner.” The guy replies “The only big white building on the corner is the funeral home…Wait a minute.” He had seen our sign. I cracked up.

When he walked into the door I was still laughing.

I was dropping my roomate off at the airport so he could catch his flight out of town. As we approached the terminal there were signs directing “Arrivals: Right Lane, Departures: Left Lane”.
I stuck to the left.

Him: Why aren’t you in the right lane?

Me: Arrivals?

Him: Yes.

Me: Why would I be going to arrivals?

Him: Duh, because we’re arriving.


Apparently in New Mexico there’s a big hot air balloon festival every year. As we were driving past where it takes place, my parents were talking about it. Near there are some cell towers, whick must be a good 300 feet tall. My parents related the story of how one year, a man and his son got their balloon caught on the tower. Being that there was not a firetruck with a ladder tall enough, and there was no way to get a helicopter near there, the man had to climb down the tower, carrying his son the entire way.

“Wait”, said my sister, “Isn’t that illegal?”

we were in this high end jewelry store where my husband was having his watch serviced. he was wearing a polo shirt with a saab logo on it. the sales lady starts staring at the logo and goes–“saaaa, saaaa, saaa”. so we both go–it’s saab! she still looks puzzled, then asks what does saab mean? not wanting to confuse her further with the actual swedish, we explain that it is an automobile. then she says but the logo looks a little like a plane. well, we then tell her that they also make jets. she still looked confused. we left.

I gave myself the sign once. Thanksgiving many years ago, and a windstorm knocked out power. No electricity so no stove. Just for a second I considered putting the turkey in the microwave.

I had one this weekend. I was at the bar in my old college town, and a girl from my hometown was there. “What the hell are you doing here,” I asked.
“I came to see my fiance play (pointing at the band). He’s the drummer.”
“Which one is he?” I asked. :smack:
“The one behind the drums.” :dubious:

Apparently I had already thought to ask which one he was before she said it. Or something.


This year a guy got tangled in the power lines, but didn’t die because it caught on fire like the guy that died two years ago. No, this guy died because he fell out of the gondola and got hit by a car. :eek:

I don’t get it.

I used to do this all the time growing up! The power is out, can’t watch TV. Shucks, maybe I’ll play video games. SHUCKS, maybe I’ll get online. DAMN IT!!!

I did something similar. Woke up for work one morning to find the power out. “Damn” I thought, “no shower for me” and went off to work.
Told somebody at work and they gave me a strange look and said “You know, just because your power is out doesn’t mean your water doesn’t work.”
I had grown up in a house with a well and electric pump.

In my last apartment, if the electricity went out, the (gas) heat went out, and the shower went cold. Apparently themostats run on electricity.

Trivia night
Category: John Cuzack movies

Host: What city was “High Fidelity” set in?
Me: Book or movie?


This one, at least, sounds like an attempt to start a conversation, rather than a stupid statement.

You may have seen my thread about visiting the house I grew up in and that my parents lived in for 50+ years.

I was IMing with my sister this morning and she mentioned that she was planning to send the owner, who was so gracious to us, a thank you note. I said I had planned to do the same thing, and I was on the verge of asking my sister, “Do you know the owner’s address?” :smack:

Oh – just remembered another one.

A security guard at the last place I worked was a nice guy, but a bit dim. He asked for a phone number of the corporate office, and I replied with 1-800-xxx-xxxx. He then asks “What’s the area code?”

That wasn’t as bad as the guy who was in charge of the security guards, did the hiring, firing, scheduling, supervision. He was married, but he became romantically involved with one of the female guards and she got pregnant. His wife made a big stink with the company. The guy’s proposed solution? He wanted to fire his pregnant girlfriend. Oh yeah, no chance of a lawsuit there.

My shop is basically one room about 30’ across. I’m there, alone, this morning when a customer comes in and asks “Do you work here?” :confused:

I grew up in the same situation, but the worst I’ve done now that I have city water is avoided flushing the toilet for a while. :smack:

My very own sign.

My husband and I were admiring some koi in a large decorative pond. They were kind of elusive, though, and I was having a hard time getting a good look. My comment “Oh, they’ll have to come up for air sometime!”


I do know how stupid that is.

About a month ago I was doing Armed Guard work at a cell phone store.

I couldn’t believe how many people would walk in and try to talk to me about the phones. Even after I pointed at my BADGE and stated that I didn’t work for the phone store, some few of them would say “That’s ok, I just had some questions about the phones/plans/coverage.”

“Just hang onto this sign for a while. Someone will be right with you.” :wink:

I was at PetSmart’s grooming to pick up my dog. The young man gave me the paperwork to go pay outside at the register. I paid, came back in, and while I was waiting for the lady groomer to finish the paperwork with a woman in front of me, the young man called me on my cell phone to tell me my dog was ready. I said, “Yes, I know, I’m standing right in front of you.”

Much laughter ensued.