I was in New Jersey a few years ago visiting a friend when the huge Northeast blackout happened. Luckily, I was just south of the line where some very smart person disconnected from the rest of the network, so we just had a brief brownout. My friend and I were sitting in my hotel room watching the TV coverage when my Dad called on my cell phone. This was our conversation.
Dad: Are you watching the TV?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Do you have power?
Someone heard I lived in Berlin for many years and asked me if I read German newspapers.
I said yes.
Then he asked, “Do you read them in German?”
I had a German ask me how long it would take to fly from Los Angeles to Hollywood.
And equally geographically challenged, a student here at college asked me how far Germany was from Europe.
The other night I was refilling a tub with medical supplies and pulled out an left over roll of Medipore tape. It’s nice and soft, very cloth-like on the outside. I started to pull off a piece and when feeling the underside:
“EWWWW! It’s sticky!”
coworker replied: maybe that’s why it’s called tape.
:smack:
One for myself: I was waiting for some friends while listening to music in my room, and suddenly took to wondering whether I’d hear the doorbell. So I thought to myself, ‘better try this!’, went up the stairs to the front door and… :smack:
An ex-girlfriend once called me on my landline and asked whether I was home. To this day, I’m a bit disappointed I wasn’t able to come up with anything more clever than ‘well, that’s where you called me, at least’.
I have two. Both from my ex MIL, may she rest in peace.
My mother had video taped my sons first birthday party.
MIL: Can I get a copy of that?
Mom: Sure, just get me a blank VHS tape
MIL: Oh okay
Mom: Please don’t get Scotch Brand VHS though as they seem to gum up my recorder
MIL: Wow, I did not know you could use “scotch tape” to record on.
She was dead serious :smack:
After my ex and I had split up we were looking for a used fridge. His parents had one in their garage that they no longer used and said we could have it. It was not plugged in but they were sure it still worked. We went over there to pick it up.
As my dad and ex FIL went to move the fridge we heard a clanging noise.
MIL: Oh that is probably the ice cube trays
Me: Oh okay. You can never have enough of those
MIL: I don’t think there is still ice in them though
Again, she was dead serious :smack:
I don’t get it. You thought you heard the doorbell, and went up to check. And then…?
No, he was wondering whether he’d be able to hear the doorbell in his room with the music on, so he went to ring the doorbell…which would mean he was no longer in his room to be able to tell if he could hear the doorbell over his music.
If he is outside ringing the doorbell, how can he tell if he can hear it inside?
You’re kidding, right? :dubious:
Heeeeere’s your sign.
ok… so this is where I gained my sign… (WARNING: not a good story for emetophobes)
About… oh ten years-ish ago, when my oldest daughter was 7, we took a car trip from Syracuse to Toronto. Buffalo, Niagara Falls, The Tornoto Zoo, etc… Good times… lot’s of driving though.
On the way home from the adventure, apparantly my oldest had had enough of the riding in the back seat and started to get car sick. She asked us to pull over the car as she was gonna throw up. Being not inclined to clean up vomit from the back seat of the car we obliged quickly.
I got out to make sure she was ok and kinda “be there”. I felt horrible for her. Ya know long day, long trip, good times but feeling sick at the end might ruin it. So as she is retching and heaving and leaving Planet Hollywood leftovers on the side of I-90, I was trying to figure anyway to make her feel better of console her.
At this time the local freight train comes rumbling by. I smile at her as a loving dad would do and say, “Look honey, a train!” She looked up at me with all the sweet innocence of a child and flashed me a whithering look that only said “You cannot possibly be that much of an idiot.” Sadly, I am.
Here’s MY sign…
Heeeeere’s your sign.
While we’re on the subject of doorbells…
I had just moved into my new townhouse, the utility company was scheduled to come over to turn on my electricity, so I had to take the day off work to hang out at home and wait for them. By the end of the day no one had arrived. I was pissed.
The next day I called the utility company:
Me: They didn’t show up!
Them: Yes they did!
Me: Oh yeah? What does their report say?
Them: It says they rang the doorbell but nobody answered.
Me: The doorbell? The one that is run on electricity? The electricity that was not yet turned on?
Them: …oh.
I was giving a new co-worker a ride home to the dairy farm on which she lived. There was a slightly rickety-looking bridge to cross as part of her driveway.
Me: Will that bridge hold my car?
Her: The milk truck crosses it twice a day, so, yeah.
Me:* blushes at my own stupidity*
Somehow I’m sure this fits right in with this thread, but I’m missing something: how does the phrase “here’s your sign” relate to these stories of “duh” moments? Did I miss out on the latest catch phrase from the Simpsons or something?
Maybe this is my sign - I’m not sure of the premise for this one. Why would only a small number of what people say are “bug bites” actually be bug bites?
My excuse is that I’m from Ontario, and bug bites (real ones) are routine here.
Bill Engvall: Here’s your sign. youtube link I haven’t watched it, though.
One in ten “bug bites” is more often than one in 15 “bug bites.” The original statement said that only one in 15 of what people thought were bug bites, were, in fact, bug bites. The other 14 were from other causes.
I thought his “better try this” meant “better see if there’s someone at the door.”
Thanks all.
wankers
Usually when a patient comes in complaining of a bug bite, it’s a skin cancer or staph infection or some other not-a-bug-bite thing. Infected bug bites are way less common than people seem to think.
Well, that’s cheerful.