C’mere Molly Coddle, You ungrateful whelp!!!
::slaps the kid around and throws her against the wall::
Yes, I know the dolphin show sucks. The two miserable twits that run the show have voices squeakier than the performers, and the freakin’ tank is hardly big enough for a goldfish. So what? It was built before animals had rights, and before there even was such a thing as an environment. Back in the day it was either that or the tuna nets for old Flipper, so those Dolphins oughtta be grateful they’re not Sunkist.
The two wooden roller coasters, the Wildcat and the Comet, are great. There’s a brand new twin dueling wood coaster ride this year, that’s also about an 8. The Suspended coaster is world class, and the Bear is Ok.
That’s 5. Look at that again. 5, Five, Cinqe, Cinquo, or
cool roller coasters.
The new roller soaker (which looks pretty weak) makes 6.
Oh, poor baby, the parks not good enough for you, is it? Only six roller coasters, oh poor me why do we have to go to Hershey Park which is so lame? Why does our class has to take off a whole day from all that fun, exciting, and fulfilling schoolwork and spend a day seeking trivial amusement at a place specifically designed to indulge overeducated underinformed snotnose brats like myself?
Speak to the principal. I’m sure he’ll let you stay behind if it’s just too much trouble to go.
The Midway is cool. Even I can win a stuffed animal there. And they have all the usual rides and amusements a decent park should have.
You’re also missing the whole social issue. Milton Hershey located his chocolate factory in Central Pa because of high quality natural water, ready access to train lines, and a great local supply of milk, a key ingredient in Hershey’s chocolate products.
He also brought life to what was basically another Appalachia economy wise. Coal was dying.
He built schools for underprivileged children. He educated orphans through college and offered them jobs for life, before there was such a thing as disability or workmen’s comp, no worker who was injured or disabled had to face poverty in Hershey Pennsylvania. He built Universities, and a world class teaching, medical hospital.
If you get hurt on the highway, or otherwise suffer severe trauma, one of three or four 30 million dollar helicopters, bought and paid for by Hersheys will come and get your sorry bleeding ass, bring you on board with a full trauma team, and fly your ignorant self at 200 miles per hour back to one of the finest hospitals in the whole fucking world in an attempt to save your worthless life.
He built your streetlights. he built your community and your schools and your libraries. He could have kept it all like a Donald Trump, but Milton S. Hershey created the most successful community/corporate partnerships in history, as well as a lesson in corporate responsibility that remains to this day.
And, YOU, YOU, YOU, miserable little Mars Bar, Spree eating bastard have the unmitigated audacity to sit there and put on blase airs because you don’t think the amusement park this fine and upstanding human being built for you is quite good enough to hold your interest???
Say something Dammit. Don’t just sit there looking at me llike that!
Do you think I’m yelling at you because I like it?
Don’t give me that smug smile buster, or I’ll wipe it off your face!
You’re gonna eat this Hershey bar, and you’re gonna like it.