The Atlantean Loser Wand™
Gripped tightly when masturbating, this is a unique energy tool to balance the energy systems, relieve stress, empty your cha-chas, and enhance the feelings of joy, peace, vitality and promote well-being through a nice warm afterglow. Doctors Howard, Fine, and Howard researched the liquid produced by the bladder during a night of beer drinking, and noticed a clear pattern to the water molecule that is responsible for intoxicated urination. The Atlantean Loser Wand™ is designed around a powerful moronite kotex array.
In addition to healing purposes, The Atlantean Loser Wand™ may be used to magnify the positive energy of morons, moronite devices, and rhinestones. The resin and metal chips provides a matrix which has the capacity to get all, like, sparkly and stuff when the light hits it. This combination of resin and metal chips is known as “moronite”.
Many people notice positive effects in the presence of these moron pacifyers. Sparkly things enchant them and make them happy. Some people who have trouble falling asleep report that they can sleep better and more soundly after striking their head repeatedly with a moron generator.
Use The Atlantean Loser Wand™ to compose important-sounding yet nonsensical sentences using polysyllabic words. A synergy of focused intention & high technology!
The Atlantean Loser Wand™ is a powerful tool based on the imaginary principals of Ancient Geometry and High School Geometry and works as a channel between your wallet and our bank account. It is based on stuff we read in comic books, a couple of those Time-Life Unexplained World books, things we made up, and new quantum physics (because we like the way that sounds and no one really understands that quantum stuff anyway.)
Some new theories suggest that the design of The Atlantean Loser Wand™ generates a Merkakaba (MER - Mercenary, KAKA - Full of Shit, BA - Bastard) field that researchers believe is at the core of every Ponzi scheme and fradulent enterprise. The resulting generated field interacts with the human desire to accumulate benefits without expending energy. It produces a vortex, which is capable of increasing the mark’s gullible credulity. If this is so, The Atlantean Loser Wand™ can be a useful tool in bilking new-age idiots and fad-following sheep.
The Atlantean Loser Wand™ not only creates a powerful vortex when stirred rapidly with a circular motion in water, it also creates concentric rings of expanding energy when dropped into any liquid. These forms resonate with a powerful and ancient splashing sound, an archetype. This archetype has the physical power to wet things. It has the power to wet all concepts of diversity, because it is dropped in water. Every lifeform is based on water, and thus when The Atlantean Loser Wand™ gets wet, it contains the foundation of all life.
We believe that The Atlantean Loser Wand™ can reduce physical and mental stress 30 to 80% by impacting with the autonomic nervous system, which can be measured by the number of lumps obtained on the head when pounded with the Atlantean Loser Wand™ . We have found that The Atlantean Loser Wand™ fits tightly in the colon and can have a positive effect on physical and blockages and believe that it amplifies intestinal pressure and also stimulates the prostate gland.
As instructed by the FDA ,we must state that this product is strictly for experimentation and research purposes only.