I have to agree with the OP on this one, hauss, judging by these posts, is fucking scum, one of the lowest forms of human life I can imagine. I cannot fathom the absolute dearth of decency and backbone that this fucknut possesses. If you are not prepared for the consequences that may come from your actions, then do not do the action. Then to have the fucking audacity to go and post a thread fishing for methods to avoid your responsibility, fucking unbelievable. I was put off just reading the title of that post he made, but I figured here at the dope, we are fairly intelligent, maybe it is a relevant situation. Instead, we are treated to some little boy who screwed up, and is trying to weasel out of it.
Listen asshat, do us all a favor and get yourself fixed. But before you do, own up to your responsibility and be a father, not just a donor. If you can’t find it in yourself to be a good father, then at the very least, pay the girl double what is mandated by the courts, then it may actually be enough to cover the costs that a child incurs, and stay the hell out of the kid’s life, it will deserve better.
Disclaimer: this is coming from a guy who has seen the unresponsible father bit firsthand. The pittance of “child support” my mom actually received was in reality far less than what was necessary, when he decided to pay it.
I do agree that hauss needs to accept the fact that he knowingly put himself in this situation and now has to deal with the consequences.
What I don’t agree with is the absolute rage expressed by so many that he has dared to have sex and then not want to parent the child, yet if a woman decides to have sex and not want to parent the child she at least has options, so it is therefore not that jaw-droppingly horrific that he should attempt to see if he has any options.
Yes, I know he really doesn’t have any options, and yes, he absolutely needs to do the adult thing.
But, as you pointed out, women are on the shit end of a bunch of societal imbalances too – do you want to go and tell them to “suck it up” when they grumble about it a bit and try to find ways to make things different?
This is exactly it. It’s not to say that anyone, man or woman, should be able to deal with a pregnancy with absolutely no emotional, financial, physical, or societal impacts – just that maybe we need to find a balance in responsibilites and stop attacking scared kids who screwed up as evil villians.
I can’t speak for other states but here in NC if you pay child support it comes straight out of my check before I see it.
It’s also based on your ability to pay. I gross around 340 a week, I pay 55.79 a week child support for two children. I also pitch in with day to day expenses. I still have full contact with my children and my wife. I see all of them everyday. They just live a lot down from me. Yes we are still married, but we have been seperated for almost 5 years.
I have no problem at all paying support. It does make things tight at times but they are my children.
This is exactly what’s bothering me about this situation. I cannot imagine this post being directed at a scared, pregnant young woman who posted to ask if she had any options other than raising the baby.
I believe that people would console her and offer support, some would explain various options, a handful would come in to adamantly request that she not consider abortion, and the odd few would lecture her on how she should have been more careful. I can’t at all imagine anyone calling her “fucking scum”, I really can’t.
If it’s your sperm, then it’s *your * child and your responsibility.
The fact that a woman has the right to an abortion does not matter. IF she aborts, then there is no responsibility for either party afterwards, only having to live with the decision. She is the one that will most likely have to pay for the procedure, she is the one that places herself at risk.
If she decides to put the baby up for adoption she is the one that carries it to term, she is the one that has to endure childbirth, she is the one that has her child taken away. (I have yet to meet a woman who does not find giving up their child to be a gut wrenching experience even if it is in the best interest of the child.)
If Hauss can’t be a man and father the child then he should at least be half a man and take financial responsibility.
Well, did you read the OP, and in the other thread he started? His posting made him totally unsympathetic. If he had shown any humility, any sign of being scared or feeling morally conflicted or wanting to know what was right, he’d get a different reaction.
But instead his attitude seems to be “I fucked this girl and she got knocked up. Now I want out. Tell me what to sign so I can skip out on my kid forever. Thanks.” That’s what he’s being called on.
Oh really? If she had the baby then dumped him/her off on Hauss’ doorstep and refused to mother the child you don’t think we’d be calling her fucking scum?
Yeah…right.
All sucky things are not equal. We can fix society. We can finally give women all the same rights that men have, in pay …etc. But we can’t change biology and that’s ultimately what this is about.
Biology.
If men or women could bear children, then cries of inequality make sense. But that’s not how it is. Even if the man walks away with only 50% of his paycheck, he stills gets to walk away and live his life as ever he pleases…minus some dough.
I think Hauss should go ahead and accept his responsibility for the kid because I have found fatherhood to be a really good thing, and I can’t conceive of how anyone could dislike it. I mean, I have my moments of wanting to strangle the kid a la the Simpsons, but overall, very rewarding experience, fatherhood.
You know, Hauss, half of that kid is YOU – YOUR DNA. As he or she grows up, you’ll see it reflected in a thousand interesting ways. That kid is YOUR FUTURE – You 2.0. It may sound kinda abstract, but it’s real, it’s concrete. If you don’t help your kid grow up, you are literally hurting yourself.
That said, Hauss should be aware that our society values families in the abstact, not in the concrete. He should not expect anything more than momentary approval from some members of this board should he decide to accept his role as father. Remember “Find 'em, fuck 'em and forget 'em?” That’s the way the right deals with pregnant women, except that the “fucking” consists of convincing they should carry their babies to term no matter what.
If you decided to accept your role as father, don’t do it for me or for anyone else. Do it for yourself. I think you’d be doing yourself a very great favor if you did that.
I did read his other OP, and that’s not how I read it at all. Yes, it could have been worded differently, but I really didn’t think it was all that bad. He makes it clear that this is something they’ve discussed at length, and that despite their original agreement and his obvious wishes, she has decided to change her mind and he wants to know whether he has any choice but to go along with it. It seemed very obvious to me that he is not completely oblivious to morality, they obviously discussed the pros and cons of abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby – he didn’t, as you say, knock her up and then want out.
Yes, he could have been less blunt about it, and yes, he really doesn’t have any option other than 18 years of payments. I just don’t think that simply asking what I genuinely feel is not an unreasonable question makes a person “fucking scum”.
Admittedly, I haven’t been through both linked threads in their entirety, so I can’t say for sure whether or not I feel that hauss is a jackass.
However, in the first OP he mentions that he and his girlfriend had decided on giving the child up for adoption. It seems like there should be some sort of legally binding document that two parents can sign when they make this sort of decision so that mom-to-be (or dad-to-be, for that matter) can’t change their mind at the last minute and completely change the course of the other persons mind at their own whim.
I also think that couples who have decided that they do not want children should be able to sign an affidavit BEFORE conception that states that they do not intend to keep any resultant children of a pregnancy. I realize that this is pretty far-fetched because I cannot imagine anyone breathily saying, “Oh god baby, I want you… here sign this real quick for me, would you?”
But in the case of long term relationships where one or both individuals KNOW they don’t want children and are certain that they are in agreement one way or another, there should be an option to keep a person from renigging and completely screwing the other person (and probably the childs) life.
Anyway, I know that hauss doesn’t come off as the most sympathetic individual, starting with his name and going into his posting style, but he’s probably young, scared, and desperate for some answers. Instead of a calm discussion of the situation, i.e., here’s what’s up, you are going to need to try to come up with a means of financially supporting yourself and your child in the long term. Here is how child-support payments tend to be calculated. This is what you need to expect, etc. Perhaps you should consider joining the army, etc. Instead, it was a huge pit-like pile on where he was just a worthless piece of shit.
This person may yet grow to become a responsible individual that is, hopefully, highly involved in his child’s life and support. We should offer him help and ideas, instead of just telling him to control his sperm.
She took her pants off anyway. By doing so, she accepted the risks as they currently stand, and so she has to accept responsibility for the consequences.
It’s the same argument that’s used by pro-lifers day in and day out with regards to abortion. How is it suddenly a fair argument when the shoe is on the other foot?
And if she’s chosen single motherhood, then she has chosen a tough, tough life. Why should someone else who didn’t choose to be a parent be forced to foot the bill (or even a substantial part of the bill)?
Exactly. A vasectomy is in no way analogous to an abortion.
Would they? Do women abandon babies in huge numbers at Safe Harbor points without a backward glance just because the option’s avaiable?
And why there’s at least one man in Pennsylvania paying child support for a kid that isn’t his, because his wife conceived it with the man she was having an affair with.
I think if a woman chooses to go it alone as a single mother, then that’s exactly what she should do. Especially those who break up with the father and don’t want ‘that bastard’ to have anything whatsoever do do with the kid, they just want his money.
You read it exactly right.
If she wants single motherhood, then she should be singularly responsible for the child.
Yeah, cause really nothing else matters unless there’s a guaranteed supply of money. Who gives a shit if he wanted to be a father or not, we can take his money anyway. It’s not like he can drop his kid off at the Safe Harbor.
I don’t think the man should be let off from paying for his childs upkeep, unless there is clear evidence that the woman disseved the man into believing that a child would not result from their having sex. So unless the woman claimed to be on the pill or incapable of having children, and this can be proven, then the man should pay. I’m sure a father paying child support is not paying nearly as much as if he were actually acting fully as the childs father, but the pay should also entitle the father to some visiting rights to his child.
I understand the unfairness of men having to pay child support based on the decision of the mother to abort. I understand that potential fathers wish to be able to make this decision as well.
However, as has been pointed out, the taxpayers will be left holding the bag if fathers are allowed to opt out. This is completely unfair. They had nothing to do with it.
I think the father does have an opt-out…he just has to find someone willing to shoulder the financial responsibility. Not easy, but better he suffer unfairness of having to pay for his child then people who had nothing to do with it.
hauss is a piece of garbage. That goes without saying, and weirddave* was quite right to start this thread.
But Catsix is also full of shit and here’s why. A pregnancy is not a child. When a woman chooses to terminate a pregnancy there is no child. Once the child is born, then both parents are responsible and I fully support using whatever means are necessary to hunt down any worthless scumbag who abandons his own child and taking whatever he owes…by force if need be. I fully support putting those maggots in cages. I fully support destroying their lives if that’s what it takes. These guys are the lowest of all lowlifes.
And the argument about them having children “against their will” is also complete and total horseshit. The second they put their dicks in a woman they are accepting responsibility for the results. Men are responsible for their own sperm. I can’t believe anybody would defend a man deserting his own children. Hauss, just pay the fuck up, you snivelling little weasel. Be a fucking man. If you can’t or won’t do that then I hope you go to jail. Fuck you.
Actually, it does matter. Why do you think women gained that right? It’s because the alternative (deal with it) sucks.
We call hauss a bunch of names because he wants an alternative to paying for a child for the next 18 years, we don’t call women names when they abort, they’re making the same sort of choice he’s asking about.
“I don’t want to deal with a child” - if you’re a man, you’re an asshole, if you’re a woman, it’s your right to choose.
I stand by my opinion that if women can choose whether or not to be a mother, financially and otherwise, after they know of a pregnancy, men should have the same option.
Parenthood shouldn’t be forced upon anyone, male or female.