Hey, look Mama! I've got teeth!

In My Humble Opinion
1

Okay, so yeah. Anybody got any tips on how to get my almost 18-month old to stop biting? She has discovered that if she sneaks a love bite into a cuddle or tickle session with me or her Dad that it results in us making a really funny loud noise (OUCH!!) and amusing face! Let me try that again!

The method I’m using now is to stop, make eye contact and say “No! No biting! No!” in a raised (not yelling), stern voice. And cuddle session is over…I put her down and she loses my attention.

The problem is that this doesn’t seem to faze her at all…she just trots off, la de da, smiling away and I’m pretty sure she’s not getting the message at all. She just seems to think it’s all part of the game. It’s about as effective as yelling at the cats.

(Hey, do spray bottles work on toddlers? Hmmm…)

Anyway, any tips? Is this just one of those things I have to keep on trucking with, be consistent and some day she’ll get the point and grow out of it? Or am I doing something to actually reinforce her behavior without knowing it? Help!

2

Bite her back and let her see how much it hurts.

Why no, I don’t have kids, why do you ask?

3

At 18 months she’s still a bit young to learn those lessons quickly. I think you’re doing the right thing, but if it doesn’t work soon you might need to reinforce it. Maybe don’t just end the cuddle and put her down, but turn her away from you and hold her still for a minute. She won’t like it, but it might sink in better. Just be prepared to be screamed at.

At this age she can’t understand why it’s a wrong thing to do, since it doesn’t hurt her to do it and she can’t empathise with you. My mom used to advise biting them back not as punishment, but to show them why they shouldn’t do it. I think she’s too young for that, even if you decided to try it. She just won’t get it, and she probably won’t relate her hurt to yours.

4

I used your method (biting ends cuddle/playtime). It didn’t work immediately, but it did work.

5

Can’t you whack her on the nose?

(also not a parent, but a dog owner)

6

I think this is the generally accepted technique. The only recommendation I would add is to be thoroughly disapproving in your tone, facial features, and attitude after the fact. She may not grasp immediately that you’re not happy, or why, but it will sink in eventually. And on behalf of the parents of all her pre-school classmates, thank you for curing her at an early age of the habit of biting.

Jodi, also not a parent but an auntie and a former nanny!

7

I am a mom, and I did the Bite Back method. Not hard, so it didn’t really hurt much, but it certainly surprised her. Then I was able to give her a tangible reason why I said “no” and ended playtime.

8

Have you considered the possibility that maybe this is her way of telling you she wants to be put down? From her point of view, the system may be working fine.

9

Wait until you get to the potty training stage…
I really just wanted to move this thread to the top because it made a funny sequential. I have no life :wink:

10

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone.

I had heard the “bite her back” method, but intuitively it just doesn’t feel right. I don’t think her thought processes are sophisticated enough yet to get that “Mama biting me hurts, so it must hurt her when I do it. I don’t want to hurt her, so I’d better stop.” Maybe that would work with an older child, though.

And nah, I don’t think she’s just asking to get down. She communicates that to me perfectly well in other ways, and I never hold her against her will unless it’s a safety issue, like walking through a parking lot or something. Even in situations like that, she’s never used biting as a “let me down!” mechanism. She thinks it’s funny–she doesn’t do it out of anger. At least, not yet!

I like the idea of turning her around and holding her for a little bit…that way she can’t just go off and play with a toy or something, and she might be forced to think a little bit. I’ll try that tomorrow.

11

My immediate thought was what Little Nemo said. But since you don’t think that’s an issue…

The underlying principle behind the whole “put them down/say NO” technique is that it’s a cause and effect thing - bite your parents causes “thing-that-I-don’t-like” to happen, so to stop that happening, they don’t bite. I totally disagree that 18 months is too young for this - in the past I’ve found that even 9 months can be old enough.

The thing is, you just need to find something she doesn’t like. And for maximum effect, it should be immediate, but not overwhelming (ie not so bad that it upsets her too much to remember what she wasn’t supposed to do in the first place)

What about wiping her nose? My kids all hate that - yeah, I know it has no logical connection to biting, but that’s ok. I wouldn’t be totally averse to the spray bottle thing either, except that it seems like it would be a pain to carry around all day long for the two seconds when you need it. What about licking her eyelids, or blowing up her nose? Is there anything you can do that just annoys the crap out of her, without actually being painful?

12

Just for clarificaton…I don’t think she’s too young for “put them down/say no.” I think she’s too young for “bite her back.”

I like the annoy her idea, too. She does hate like fury to have her nose wiped, so maybe that’s something else I could try.

And also just for a little further explanation…the main reason I know she’s not asking to be put down is because she’s done it multiple times when she wasn’t really being held. For example, I’ll be sitting on the couch folding laundry, and she’ll be walking and tumbling back and forth on the couch behind me. Then she’ll come up and give me a hug from behind, I’m thinking, “aw, how cute!” and then yikes!! Suddenly I’ve got a little pirahna attached to the back of my shoulder.

13

Actually I was thinking about thirdwarning’s post when I said that. I think 18 month olds can learn stuff quite quickly if you happen to light upon just the right negative stimulus.

Or she could just have an excess of pure stubborn cussedness of course :wink:

ETA: By the way, you do know pics are compulsory in baby threads, right?

14

Oh, well…If you’re going to twist my arm like that…

Hereare a couple of recent pics of Miss Kate.

15

I think withholding something she does like is at least as powerful (putting her down rather than biting her back), although it does lack the element of surprise.

I’m a big guy with a booming voice, and when one of my kids first did something that hurt me, I let out a loud “ow!” Just the noise alone scared the bejeebers out of the kid and she started crying hysterically. I didn’t do it on purpose, but WOW, what an effect.

16

That actually says it better than I did. I think she’s old enough to learn from negative stimulus, it’s just that putting her down might be a bit too subtle for her at this point. It might not be sudden and negative enough.

I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon, and so will she. Especially if she’s as smart as she is cute. :slight_smile:

17

Pay attention to when she bites, be alert in these situations, and stop her before she gets her teeth in anything. I mean, physically stop her. Set her calmly down. Stop doing whatever it was that you were doing before she bit and do something else. Ignore any response you do get, good or bad.

If she manages to connect, stop what you are doing, set her down somewhere and give all your attention to the one hurt and (again) do not expect any response from her at all. Ignore any response you do get, good or bad.

In both cases, she just became Not The Center of Attention for an eternity, which means oh, about a minute and a half. Then carry on as if it had not happened.

This also works to end scratching, hitting, and pinching.

18

Ours went through a biting phase. Worse, he found it particularly funny to sneak up on adults and bite them, hard, on their butts.

We used the techniques above and he grew out of it.

19

Not a parent, don’t have kids or experience with them, but this might work…

My grandmother used to have a small dog that loved to bite, no reason, he’d trot up to you and bite, not to be mean, it was a minor nip, just something he did

One day, he tried to bite me, that day I was feeling particularly mean and vicious, so, as he was reaching for my hand, i changed my expression to one of extreme anger, put a huge amount of rage into my voice, and called upon my patented “Freddy Krueger Voice” (I can do a reasonably accurate imitation of Freddy’s voice), and simply (and angrily) said “STOP THAT!”

the dog stopped in it’s tracks, turned tail, and ran from the room, hiding under the bed

whenever I visited my grandmother, and her bitey little mutt looked like it was going to try, I simply glanced towards it, and said, at a normal volume, in my “Freddy voice” “stop that”

It even got to the point that if the dog stared to misbehave, I’d look in it’s direction, and say, in my normal voice “don’t make me use the Freddy voice”, and it’d stop it’s misbehavior cold

Maybe a “scary” voice might work, that and the restrain/ignore thing

20

Is cuteness!

I see you’re making a doper out of her already :slight_smile: