Hey Students: Rant About Your Classmates

The BBQ Pit
1

i had to do it.

I go to Community College, taking Office Technology, there are 40 people in my class, and we learn everything from typing to grammar, filing, accounting, math, and of course, computers.

Its a 60 week program, from Sept to June, then Sept to Jan.

My class is going insane, here is a snapshot:

First, there is Giggles, she is 28 ish (lots of ‘mature’ students in my class)she looks about 35ish, acts 13. She is like Dr Hibberd on Simpsons, she ends EVERY statement with a empty headed giggle. EVERY FUCKING THING SHE SAYS.
She bleaches her hair lonianderson-blonde, and acts like a ‘dumb blonde’. And its an act, dont be fooled. She clearly has used it to her advantage for a long time. She feigns helplessness in every thing she does, used to people doing it FOR her. SHe is a nice person, dont get me wrong, this stuff is an act, get her alone she is ok.

Then there is the evil trio, one really nasty evil bitch, whose has proclaimed proudly that she likes to stir up trouble to watch what happens, and BOY does she!! She has a male and female accompliss, who have NO clue how she talks about them when they arent around. To be honest, she scares me.

Then there is Naughty Nat. Her hobbies include strangulation sex, vibrators and dildoes, therapy and getting drunk at lunch. She enjoys cursing at the teachers and fucking other womens boyfriends. Her sister got pregnant, so Nat set out to seduce the babys father, and succeeded, leaving her pregnant too, and her sisters live in ruins.

An Cindy…how to explain Cindy? Imagine Jabba-The-Hut, with a bad haircut. She has a nervous twitch, she is 21, and has a 6 yr old son that her parents raised but dumped on her a couple of months ago so they could move away. No doubt they fled her endless pathetic neediness! She called me the day after I buried my mother to ‘see how I was’ that lasted 60 seconds, then she started telling me all about what happened when a bunch of them went out and got drunk, and there was a big yelling fight, they almost got kicked out etc. Fucking SPARE ME!!! This went on for an hour! I felt sorry for HER, until I got to school, and found out how she has been meeting with/calling everyone in the class with a slightly diferent story of how poor cindy is SO prsecuted etc etc. She ‘quits smoking’ every week too, so she can get the pats on the back that go with it!

And the models, 3 slim young pretty, stuck up girls, they are sorta nice when you get to know them, bt they are pretty snotty for the most part. I sit by them, and they tolerate me. one of them isnt as pretty, and she is the nicest of the three.
OH and the french clique! One of them was married when school started, has 2 kids, now she is fucking some guy in our class, life is in ruins. How do I know/?? Everyone KNOWS, she hooked up with the guy at a CLASS FUNCTION!!!

I know some of this is enivitabel, put 40 people in a room together all day every day for 60 weeks, its like big brother or something! But really people!!

My policy: dont drink with co-workers, or classmates, ever.

Even dogs dont shit where they eat.

Tell me about YOUR classmates!!!

2

Forgot the best part!

Today, giggles, (who heckles the teachers, then laughs hysterically, like she is funny, nobody else laughs,) informed Naughty Nat “well, you SHOULD have been studying all along”
Nat: “shut your fucking mouth, I dont want to hear another fucking word from you”
Gig"what did you say?" (no giggle this time)
Nat" you heard me"
Teacher “thats enough”
Nat “she fucking started it! I dont need her to tell me how to fucking study!”
Teach “THATS ENOUGH! how OLD are you???”
Nat " NONE of your fucking business"
teahc “get OUT!”
Nat “spent all this fucking money to be here and this is mumble mumble”
Teach “I SAID to get out of this class NOW!”
nat" I am GOING! I am gathering my belongings"
silence
Nat: “you are just siding with HER cuz she is OLD!”
Teacher " you are not welcome in this class anymore"
slams door

UN-fucking -beleivable… I was so upset I felt sick to my stomach. The same kind of thing happened a month ago with another student, she told off a diff teacher, now she is allowed to take tests etc, but cant attend the class.

I hate confrontation, it makes me sick to my stomach. This was intense. Tomorrow should be wicked.

3

Well, when I saw the thread title, I was going to post on the girl that really likes the sound of her own voice, but, um … that seems sorta crap now.

4

Wow, that beats the fux0rtard in my class who’s taken one half of a college English class and suddenly decided that he alone is qualified to judge what is and is not Good Poetry.

Oh! Check out THIS yo-yo.

So we’ve had this five-page essay due on any piece we’ve read so far. It’s fifteen percent of our grade. It’s midnight. The paper’s due in ten hours. A rough draft was due five days ago. Dao is sitting in the lounge putting the final touches on her paper. Jackass comes up to her, saying “Hey, you’re in my class, right?”

Jackass: For that essay, can it be like two pages?
Daowajan (thinking: If that guy’s paper is two pages long at this point, he’s in some serious trouble): No, it has to be 4-5.
Jackass: No, I mean, the thing we’re writing it about.
Daowajan: stares in disbelief
Jackass: Can it be, like, a poem?
Daowajan: Uh… yes.
Jackass: OK, cool.

I hate this fuckin’ class too, but even I’m not that stupid. This moron hadn’t done any research. He hadn’t turned in a rough draft. HE HADN’T DECIDED WHICH FUCKING THING HE WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT!!

5

Yeah, you guys definitely have it worse than I do. Most of my classes are upper-level math and computer science, though, and I don’t think many idiots make it that far.

6

wow Kelli, did everyone hand out a bio sheet with a headshot the first day into class?
“Hi, I’m Kyle. I’ll be playing the part of pedophile in this class. Nice to meet you.”

My class.
There’s two guys. One we’ll call…um…Dick. He graduated Magna Cum Pretentious. This guy was a linguist, and architect, an archiologist. He did everything and did everything to perfection. He went to the Ivy leagues. Go on, ask him about it. He made straight A’s. Did I mention how knowledgeable he is about oh so many subjects?
Most of the time he’s very nice and quiet in class. But if he EVER raises his hand, just duck and cover because something about how wonderful he is will spill out during the times he interupts the professor while the prof is attempting to answer the question.

Next one we’ll call Boris. Why not, everyone else does. The guy’s from Russia and, while he speaks with an accent, he’s actually remarkably good at English. Unfortunately, he’s also remarkably good at inserting his head into the professor’s ass with a dixie straw and sucking like that shit was an oxygen mask. This kid laughs at ALL the professor’s jokes, will use the professor’s “sayings” back at him, and raises his hand ALL the time. It’s truly sad that he doesn’t realize that the first day into class, professors realize what’s going on and stop calling on him. He raises his hand when the professor is clearly calling on someone else because God forbid anyone in the class not realize he knows the answer.
He even said one time to a few of us that he got into a fight one time in Russia for raising his hand too much. That gave us ideas…

7

The Jesus Girl:
Yes, I’m sure your faith is important to you, and that it pretty much determines your world – but I don’t think that statement is as objectively applicable as you seem to think it is. The poetry of Emily Dickenson does not revolve around your personal savior. Chaucer did not intend ‘The Monk’s Tale’ to be an allegory for your personal salvation. John Donne was a devout christian, I am sure, but don’t you think that maybe a few of his more obvious love sonnets might have been about…love? And really, I seriously doubt that the Captain(Oh my Captain) that Walt Whitman talks of is Jesus who died for us on Golgatha. Look, even the professor is trying to ignore you here – when he’s not clearly telling you that you’re wrong. (Quotation: “No, you’re wrong.” – ever heard that one in an introductory class on poetry?) Would it hurt you that much to just give in to the rest of the infidel horde that you share class with and admit that (just maybe) the red wheelbarrow is not some sort of bizarre christ imagery?

The Amateur Philosopher:
Ok, this is a philosophy course; we all understand that. However… that does not necessarily mean that the appropriate form of behavior is to argue, at length, with everything the professor says. Yes, this is a discussion course, we know that. Yes, it could be argued that truth is relative – but I think that perhaps arguing endlessly with someone who has studied and taught this material for nearly 50 years might not your best tactic for apprehending truth. Believe it or not, some of us would actually like to get down to some in depth textual analysis at some point. I really don’t see the need for yet another class long debate on whether or not Descartes actually believed what he was writing in The Meditations on First Philosophy, or rather he was simply trying to avoid persecution by the church and that was why he included the passages wherein he tried to prove the existence of God. (The fact that his most vocal critics of those arguments were Monks tends to shed a bit of doubt on your thesis there.)

The Groomer
Actually, I respect your decision to get up several hours before this 8:30 (AM) class(That would be 5:30 in college time if we apply the general ‘subtract 3 hours’ conversion rule) in order to shower, pluck your eyebrows, exfoliate your skin, apply thirteen varied forms of makeup, gently perfume your body, carefully plan out an expertly coordinated outfit, wax your legs and pubic area, give yourself an extensive manicure, carefully tint your fingernails, bathe in the blood of infants, decide to re-organize your outfit after all since it doesn’t quite match the exact hue of your earlobes, shine your shoes, polish and wax your teeth, and finally and meticulously arrange each single hair on your head into a magnificent unified whole. However, this is college. The rest of us pretty much all rolled out of bed, drank a cup of cold coffee, and, if there was time, put on something other than the pajamas we slept in. For goodness sakes, even the prof looks like he just woke up. In other words, the constant references, disapproving looks, and subtle hand gestures to your friend across the room which indicate that the person sitting to your right either didn’t shower this morning or is wearing a form of perfume that you don’t approve of or perhaps has no nose to speak of are simply not welcome. Be careful, even the professor in this class would be quite amused if someone were to fling frog semen all over your carefully chosen designer outfit.

The Psychic
Actually, I am quite in awe of you. Your ability to debate my points with vigor, wit, enthusiasm, and frank incredulity at my inability to think logically amaze me. You even manage to debunk my statements before I have finished making them – and often before I had even thought of making them. Of course, on the rare occasion that I manage to complete a sentence that you (might) disagree with it seems that you remain oddly silent. Perhaps your mystical powers do not work if you allow someone to complete a fucking sentence?? I assume that, knowing, as you do, everything I am about to say before I have had the chance to say it, I will be able to forego the usual warning to let me finish my fucking sentence or be greviously harmed and simply tear your voice box out right now and parade it around the room while chanting “All for the glory of Baal!”
Um, I’m not angry and bitter and pissy. Really.

8

Meh. I’ve lucked out so far at McGill Political Science, except for (names changed):

  1. Fred. Fred is in all my PoliSci classes. He is obviously really really smart, which I don’t particularly have a problem with except that he treats Canadian Politics conferences like a 1-on-1 conversation with the TA. Back in high school I was Fred, but I have since toned it down because conferences are largely to help out people who need the help the most; they are not the domain in which I am to prove my worth to people, which I think Fred missed. Fred pisses me off because if we’re talking about, say, executive federalism, he will immediately (without raising his hand) launch into some anecdote about an obscure Nova Scotia MP who was kicked out of Pearson’s cabinet for some reason. I doubt he expects the rest of us to get anything out of it; I find it’s pretty much to prove to the TA that he knows a lot of arcane Canadian history. When the TA tries to steer “discussion” away from Fred’s obsessions towards trying to clear the air for everyone else in the class, Fred will take the opportunity to answer questions on behalf of the TA, and, by and large, answer them correctly… but just who the hell does he think he is, anyway?

I got back at Fred; on an International Politics midterm he got 84 and I got 85. A full 0.3 difference on the GPA. [/smug]

  1. Katie. Also in my PoliSci classes. Spouts the most superficial received wisdom and acts like she knows what she’s talking about, and will argue at considerable length with you about it. Ask her why the Third World is fucked up. Apparently they JUST DON’T WORK AS HARD AS US down there. Well, thanks for letting me know.

  2. Jay. Jay is one of my really good friends from way back, but something happened over the summer I guess. Could he PLEASE just SHUT the FUCK UP during lectures? Please? I’ve heard how he had this dream where he was playing NHL 2000 in his boxers on the projector in the lecture hall, and I KNOW he thinks a good 80% of the girls in Moral Philosophy would look better topless, and I KNOW he put beer in his cereal last night, and I KNOW you were constantly stoned at Whistler LAST WEEKEND… Yeah Jay! You’re a cartoon of yourself! Go you! The fact that I have an odd desire to MAKE SURE I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK PLATO IS TALKING ABOUT clearly makes no DIFFERENCE in this scenario!

The greatest thing Jay ever said was, “Dude, I think my girlfriend broke up with me last night. Ah well. Da Ladiezz Man is Back!” I laughed for hours.

-SE

9

Another Amateur Philosopher:
I realize that we are discussing moral relativism…but do you really have to bring up some remote tribe in Africa that that allegedly has children ‘blow’ the elders. Couldn’t you have found another example.

And another thing…Why do you always (:::Looks at the forum title:::slight_smile: fucking insist on monopolizing the discussion. I have no problem with you wanting to explore a certain idea further, but it is when we are talking about the ideas in Plato’s Republic and you totally change the fucking subject to something totally out of the realm of Philosophy, say marriage patterns in present day US. WTF???

10

My Thermo class.

okay, so some of them are nice, and a fair number can number crunch with the best of them. But I swear only about three of us both understand and care about the consepts. (And sometimes even we sleep in there.)

either way: When you don’t understand the first law of thermodynamics (Its an equation you dumbfuck! Look at the system, apply the formula, we’ve been doing this since day one when the prof told us it would be on the final. It’s not going away!) ahem When you don’t understand how to use the formula that we have been caressing daily for the last three months, don’t stammer through it trying to sound smart with big words.

It pisses me off. Adn the professor will call on me just to stop me from leaping up and killing you for WASTING MY TIME. To demonstrate a consept that is simple enough already the professor kindly broke the idea into itty-bitty bits.

“You have two blocks at different temperatures touching each other. No heat leaves the system. What is the first law for this system?”

“Well, um…since Q of the system is adiabatic the enthapy between the blocks is zero-” Kathryn starts knawing off her own leg

“Kathryn, help him”
“Delta U = Q” Thank you.

C’mon folks. Please. Have a heart. When you don’t have a clue say “I’m a fucking idiot who can’t work the first law to save my life” and let us go on. Don’t use every two syllable plus word we have spewed in this class in an attempt to mimic understanding. Listing to people fumble on the easy stuff tarnishes my hope for mankind.

(And, by the way, the first law is going to be on the final. You know, the one closed note closed book exam in the class? It has five parts, but you might want to start memorizing what they are and when you use them now. Just a hint.)

11

My sociology class. I like the class, it’s rather interesting, but the people? Independent study is screaming loudly in my ear.

It’s an elective class, taught by one of the basketball coaches. This is high school, after all, and the social studies department is notoriously easy. So it attracts lots of flunkies who just need a credit, any credit, to graduate and those people who enjoy sleeping on desks.

The Wannabe Druggies: Yeah, everybody knows you aren’t on drugs. If you were, you wouldn’t spend all of your time talking about how you were gonna go get high. I doubt you could figure out how to use a lighter on your cigarettes. Requires thinking.

The Flunkies in My Group: I’m not doing your work for you. Period. Yes, I was gone for a day, but that doesn’t mean you can slack off on the assignment. Trust me, I know how to make your life miserable when it comes to presentations.

The Girl Who Sits Behind Me: Quit kicking my damn seat! If you can’t wedge your heels into the space between the bookrack and the bottom of my seat, don’t try. It’s a damn bookrack, not a footstool. And these desks are metal. Vibrations travel very well through metal. Vibrations will travel through your teeth soon if you don’t quit tapping on the legs of my desk. And you don’t have to shove the corner of your notebook into my back to write. I promise.

The Girl in My Accelerated Classes Who Calls Herself My Friend: Shut up. God, just shut up. You aren’t going to fail the test. Have you ever failed a test in this class? Ever? No. If you didn’t study, it’s your own fault. If you did study, whining won’t help you much now, two minutes before the test starts.
And no, you may not copy my notes. It’s not my fault you chose to read instead of taking notes. Ever consider that you don’t understand some of the material because you didn’t pay attention in class? A shocking revelation, I’m sure. Along those lines, no, you can’t see my homework. I worked hard on that. If your job is keeping you from schoolwork so much, you don’t need it. I’m sure your parents would agree, no matter how much you complain about them.
Ah, I feel better now. A lot better.
jessica

12

Oh thank God. Let me vent.

It’s only really one class this semester. A 400 level politics class on United States’ foreign policy.

The class uses case studies and usually, people are divided up into groups to take on the role of various actors in a particular case and are required to argue the case from that actor’s point of view.

Today’s case was on Carter and the Iran hostage crisis and my group was assigned the part of the media. We had to defend some of the decisions that the media made, such as revealing certain diplomatic missions ahead of time. The group’s consensus defense of this was that it wasn’t the media’s job to keep the government’s secrets for them and if they were that important they shouldn’t be having State Department staffers leak information. Everyone agrees. Except dipshit.

No, dipshit disagrees with that defense. Why? “Well, I think that’s a pretty irresponsible way to go about business and I don’t agree with what the media did.”

NO ONE FUCKING CARES WHAT YOU THINK DURING THE CASE DISCUSSIONS!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE ON THE ROLE OF SOMEONE ELSE AND ARGUE THINGS THAT THEY WOULD ARGUE!!! DO YOU NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS!!!

Even after we explained the concept of what the class was doing he still didn’t quite get it and continued to make the same case.

OK, next. Same dipshit.

Class discussing whether human rights should continue to be a condition of MFN status for China.

Actual quote: “You know what your problem is? You are still looking at this whole thing through the lenses of the Cold War. I don’t think China has any desire to extend its sphere of influence to include Taiwan.”

Dumbstruck silence around the classroom. Since I was the one primarily engaged in this debate, I was left without a response as I was trying to locate my jaw that seemed to have bounced under a table after it hit the floor.

WHAT? CHINA DOESN’T HAVE ANY DESIGNS ON TAIWAN???!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?? DON’T YOU READ NEWSPAPERS OR MAGAZINES OR ANYTHING??!! HOW DID YOU GET IN THIS CLASS? YOU ARE A FREAKING 3RD YEAR INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS MAJOR AND YOU THINK CHINA IS A BIG FUCKING TEDDY BEAR THAT LOVES ITS NEIGHBORS?? CAN I SHOOT YOU? PLEASE? YOU ARE RUINING THIS CLASS. RUINING IT. I HATE YOU SO MUCH. OH GOD, DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I feel better now. This has been eating away at me for some time. I feel better.

13

Perhaps the guy was thinking of the Sambia tribe in New Guinea, where young lads ingest the semen of older males to acquire male sexual energy and power?

14

Half my classes are lecture, and I don’t have anyone annoying near me. Well, almost no one.

My most annoying classmates are in my English composition class. There is mainly:

The guy who relates every poem to war or the United States of America- Look, not every poem was about the glory of war, or about war. Many of the ones read are actually mocking war, and against it. Similarly, not every poem written in English is connected in some way to the history of the US(especially the wars). A poem was written in England, years after the Civil War. The setting is the shores of England, the words are not inferring anything about the US, so it is likely not about the US Civil War. Yes, looking for historical context is good, but don’t make every context be about the US!!!

Also, most of your comments are not funny, you only think they are, and that makes the situation funny.

I was glad when the poetry unit was over, and many of the fiction stories centered about women. That way he would shut up during class, except to bitch about how bad the stories were and how nothing happened. Hint: Many of the women-centered stories were about the subordination of women in society and how they were treated as second class citizens(particularly married women).
There was also the creepy very religious guy in my speech class, but it seems he dropped out after giving the first speech(strange, since while I was searching for my grades, I found his, and he got a damn fine grade). Better for me to not see him. shudders Let’s just say in part of his speech he mentioned how the 9/11 bombings where foreshadowed in the Bible, and that it was a punishment from God. I was glad when his speech was over, and the one to follow his was about the Indian culture and how religion and culture and traditions where important for the Indian students and shaped his life. :smiley:

15

I certainly hope all these disreputable people aren’t… (gasp) New Brunswickers. Impossible to believe these peaceful dulce-swigging folks who find “Pal-O-Mine” palatable would not all aspire to sainthood. :wink:

Bet they all come from Quebec and Upper Canada.
“Even dogs don’t shit when they eat?”
That pretty much describes us Ontario assholes. :slight_smile:

16

The scene: Midterm of my English 345 class.
The problem: Female student has her cell phone on. It rings.

Did I mention this was an essay exam?

Did I mention she kept on talking on the phone until she saw the seething masses of people ready to tear her body into pieces?

Did I mention this has happened before, with other students but also in essay exams?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

17

Argh. I’ve got one of these in my Interpretive Theory discussion section. To make things worse, he has a tendency to ask long, involved questions thirty seconds before class is supposed to end, and we all get stuck there for five more minutes.

Two words: OFFICE HOURS!

Sheesh.

[sub]Oh, I know a thing or two about Chaucer, and I have absolutely no idea how one can interpret “The Monk’s Tale” as an allegory for one’s personal salvation…[/sub]

18

:eek: I now consider myself lucky.

19

[Simpsons]

Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

[/Simpsons]

20

Not my English class, but the other section of the same one taught by my professor (I sat in a lecture to make up for one of my own section I’d missed), has a student who relates EVERYTHING to his own personal salvation. He related every poem to Jesus during that class, and according to students I spoke to, he always does that.