Turns out you were right all along. 
My question is, since I assume that the Mormon church has deemed “South Park” far too evil for Mormons to watch, did any of them see last night’s episode to find out that, as the Hell orientation director put it, “‘Mormon.’ ‘Mormon’ was the correct answer.”?
Esprix
Huh? I didn’t see it so I don’t get it. Please explain.
Last night on South Park we learn that as people die they ALL go to hell. A large crowd is waiting to get in to hell and start asking the entrance to hell coordinator what they’re doing there. “I lived my life as an upstanding christian!” and “I followed the Torah daily” (or things along those lines).
Finally…
People: “So what religion did get it right?”
Coordinator (checking notes): “Uhhh, Mormons…Mormons was the correct answer.”
In heaven all the Mormons do is make things out of egg cartons and put on plays about how lying can be really hurtful thus making heaven look more like hell (indeed…Satan sends Saddam Hussein to heaven for punishment because Saddam is having too much fun in hell bugging the crap out of Satan).
We also learn that God is a practicing Buddhist…
We also learned that the bible lied when it said that God created us in his image. 
I once spent a year in Utah.
I no longer fear hell.
Once an elder of The Church told me this joke:
A man died and went to heaven. When he got there Saint Peter offered to take him on the tour. “Over here are the Jews, over there are the Catholics, and down this hall are the Lutherans.” As they reached the end of the hall Saint Peter told the man to be quiet and opened a door. “In here are the Mormons” he whispered. The man asked why they had to be so quiet and Saint Peter said “Because they think they are the only ones here.”
He followed with this gem:
A man died and went to heaven. When he got there Saint Peter told him that there had been a mistake and he should take the elevator down to the basement and go in the third door on the left. The man was disappointed but followed the directions. When he opened the door he saw green grass, blue skies, running water and cows grazing. Figuring he had it wrong he went up the elevator and asked Saint Peter if there had been a mistake. Saint Peter said he must have gotten the wrong door and to try again. He went back down and sure enough, green grass, blue skies, running water and cows grazing. Back up he went. When Saint Peter saw him he pushed him back on the elevator and derided him for not following directions. Saint Peter dragged him to the door and opened it. Sure enough, green grass, blue skies, running water and cows grazing. He slammed the door and shouted “Damn those Mormons and their irrigation!”
Am I the only person who noticed the bumper stickers in Salt Lake City that say “Welcome to Utah. Now go home!”
Am I the only person who noticed that my “UTAH” tee-shirt says HAT U in the mirror? (Think long A sound)
Am I the only person who noticed that Mormon and moron were only off by one letter?
The final blow was being called in by The Church for tithe settlement.
I’m Lutheran
They threatened excommunication.
Big deal.
And what’s with the green jello?
They’re working on that green jello thing as we speak. I remember once I went to a church singles event called “Octoberfest” only to find that the main course was not bratwurst but scads and scads of jello. I had no idea Germans liked their jello so much!
Hey, don’t knock the green jello!!!
I love green jello, especially with lil white marshmallows in them. Did you know that Utah sells the most lil white marshmallows AND green jello? Do you think that’s a coincidence? Of course not!
I’ve heard this joke before, except in the version I heard, it’s was the Baptists.
Well, can you blame them? Do you think all that road construction is for OUR benefit (Wait, I moved. Rather THEIR benefit)
I, myself live behind the great Zion Curtain. I am not mormon, however, largely due to the fact that I think they’re a bunch of crazies!! blindly following a “prophet” obediently obeying contstantly changing rules, their biggest goal in life is to “work” in a mormon temple and perform secret ceremonies and rituals.
I’m not sure if they know about birth control because girls typically get pregnant around 16 and stay pregnant way into their 30’s having 13-16 kids each. and don’t even get me started on Polygamists!!!
but they do make damn good jello! ha ha
Yeah, all the Lutherens ever gave us was Lutefisk. :shudder:
pepperlandgirl - Speaking of Baptists, I once heard the same elder complain about how rude it was for them to come to his house and try to convert him.
BTW - I remember that Utah also leads the nation in the consumption of ice cream.
FWIW - I like green jello myself. I just wonder what the association with the Mormons is. There’s an olympic pin with a bowl of green jello on it FCOL.
God, that green jello pin is the most collectable of them all. I curse the day I was too late to the store. They were gone in less than an hour. That’s one of my biggest regrets.
Oh yeah, did anyone ever see that episode of American Justice…or whatever it is on A&E with Bill Curtis, the one where they did the thing on the Mormons and Polygamy?
That made me sick…ugh…
http://www.polygamy.org/
Personally, I think the Mormons should be punished just for giving us the Osmonds…
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I live in Utah as well, unfortunately, although I am not Mormon. The more colorful versions of the above stickers actually say, “Welcome to Utah. Now get the F*CK out!” Of course, these are only purchaseable at select “underground” establishments in Utah.
-Qixotica
Yeah, I saw that particular American Justice. Gross.
Hmmm, I heard this with Baptists too. To be honest, it doesn’t work with Mormons as the punchline since they don’t teach that they are the only ones capable of going to heaven.
Green jello! I watch the South Park last night (and laughed heartedly, something I normally don’t do with South Park). At the end, I thought they missed a good Mormon-centric joke by not mentioning green jello.
Oh, and I lived in Utah for three years. I actually didn’t mind it much, but it did make me a staunch believer in separation of Church and State. To be honest, it’s hard to tell the two apart in Utah.
Hey Esprix, I thought you were going to be gone for 3 weeks?
A Mormon girl I know thinks it’s green jello and carrots(sliced, of course).
Hey you fucking Mormons!
Well, I’m not currently fucking one but…
Hey, I live in Utah. I love it here! This is one of the most beautiful places in the world IMHO!
Nothing wrong with Mormons. Why some of my best friends … ah, well, you get the picture!
I’d really, really like to fuck a mormon. The hot one at work.
–Tim
Actually, I’d like to clear up a single misconception. You see, there are no such things as “fucking” Mormons. Mormons do not have sex.
“But Mormon girls typically get pregnant around 16 and stay pregnant way into their 30’s having 13-16 kids each!”
This is how it’s done. Mormon men always wear white garments under all their other clothes. These white garments are called “Holy Seed Extractation Units”. Basically, they remove the sperm from the man’s testicles (though Mormons never use dirty words like “sperm” or “testicle”) and store it in a special receptacle called the “Holy Seed-bearing Box”. This box is then presented to the female, after being doused in citric acid and hung upside-down on a cross in a secret, devious meeting, many levels below the Mormon’s secret headquarters in Salt Lake City (the same place where they transmit their “Anti-R-Rated Movie Signals”).
Anyway, the woman fasts for seven days and seven nights, clothed in seven layers of pure-white garments, praying over the Holy Seed-Bearing Box. She prays that her Lord and Master, the Great Godda the Hutt, will instill the power of child upon her. If she’s lucky, she’ll then develop a massive egg sac about her midsection, where dozens upon dozens of little Mormonlings will spawn, being bathed in the sacrificial blood of goats and lambs and ocelots and orangutans and breakfast cereals.
Soon, the egg-sac reaches a stage called “Full Sacramental Purity”, and after an elaborate ritual involving tribal war masks and peanut butter, the Mormonlings arise from the womb in a gush of hellfire and shrieks of the damned.
I trust that nobody will ever use a phrase as blatantly ignorant as “Fucking Mormons” ever again.