Hi, I'm Tripler. Let me sell you some coffee!

(Starting a new thread, 'cause I we started with some puns in another one).

Hi, I’m Tripler, longtime SDMB member, and when I’m not off deterring the world from nuclear annihilation, I moonlight as President and CEO of TripCo Industries.

Today, we’re here to offer you the finest in ‘sunshine spectaculars’ of a breakfast blend, “Up and Atom!” coffee–sure to blast you off into a great new START to your day. You haven’t had a half-life so energized after a cup of our blend; and as our unpaid spokesman @LSLGuy will attest, “It’s self heating!” Your co-workers will glean all sorts of energy off of your radio-activity after a mug of our mud!

Some of our line of daughter products include:

  • Teapot” blend, for that nuclear Cowboy coffee taste. Major Kong tested, and approved!
  • Our decaf “Muddy Dud fer yer Mug,” blend, with hand-select beans by our roasting containment vessels’ expert @jnglmassiv
  • For a snack, try @Machine_Elf’s Yellowcake breakfast pastry–great when paired with our “Fuller Lodge” blend for that old-timey, full-bodied, log cabin taste.

Go to your local grocery store today, and try one of TripCo’s new blends of coffee. You’re sure to develop some strange love for our coffee. And be sure to share with your friends for that mutually assured caffienation feel in the office!

So fire up your inner cyclotrons today with a shot of java that’ll bring you to a new Crossroads of productivity!

DISCLAIMER: TripCo Industries is not responsible for environmental cleanup or decontamination after use of our coffee in your cup; your mother does not work here so wash your own mugs. TripCo Coffee is not available for export due to the Treaty of Non-Proliferation of kickass coffee to rogue states. EPA permitting is the sole requirement of the brewing agent.

You guys knew this thread was inevitable.

Does that come with mushrooms?

Can you make a version that tastes like Pepsi?

No, but we’re working on the licensing to start work on Organic Plutonium..

We could start a new line of soft drinks. Our Product Research Division spun up something called “Fizzle”: for when you need a bang of energy, but it might leave you a little flat.

We at TripCo Industries are always open to new suggestions.

This needs to be in the next Fallout installment.

Hmmmm…got anything that might have passed through the digestive tract of a bird?
Asking for a friend!

Unfortunately not. All of our coffee blends are nitrate free.

We’ll give your friend a coupon, though.