A year late, because I just saw this now, but… thanks! 
Wait, I like Cheesy shows like that…!
McMansion Millionaires prancing around bad sheet rock rooms with one duraflame lit in the fireplace?
Leading Men who look like they answered the casting call for “Effeminate Canadian Mounties Wanted. Must be able to read scripts without stuttering”?
Leading ladies who must be answering casting calls for "Wanted: Involuntarily Retired LA Actresses!!!
Must not have worked since the 90s and have necks that show the road map of Ottowa.
Must still be single but Desperate For Marriage. Must be able to shag popped up Bridal Bouquets like Andre Dawson in August?
Must be able to smile and not throw up no matter HOW bad the writing gets?
Contract requires promotional commercials which will kill whats left of your career faster than a “sprig of holly” stake pounded straight through your heart.
Got mortgage payments past due? Hey, Its MONEY.
(Well, what are you waiting for?)"
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Hark the Herald Angels Sing!
(“Watch these bitches chase that ring…!”)
Champagne, snowflakes, and a sleigh rides
("…the Shit they’ll do… to become Brides!")
Joyful, all these made-up maids!
(Joyful, all those Bills stamped “Paid”!)
With angelic host proclaim
“Watch ours Shows! (They’re Not Lame!)”
Hark! the Herald Angels sing
(“Bitches! Please…! ** I Scored A Ring…!**”)
“Happy Christmas” isn’t a fable…
(and ‘Real Women’ Drag Dick To The Table…!)
Late in time behold Him come
(“He’s got a job! He’s not a Bum!”)
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
(“Hold that smile! No, You Can’t Pee!”)
Pleased as man with man to dwell
(Scored half all his shit? Welcome To Hell!)
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!
(“Six Fucking Carats In My Ring…!”)
For the sake of people here: I did, and I loved it. I wish more of it made it into the TV version. I still read it every Christmas season.
MrsTX had it on and I have to say, it was not bad! Took me almost 30 minutes to predict the ending, much later than the norm (opening credits). At least it’s a better gig for Colin Ferguson than the Maytag repairman. Probably with a much smaller paycheck.
Hallmark: Where TV actresses are put out to pasture!
I mean, I recognize just about EVERY lead actress in the movies Hallmark puts on from their parts on other TV shows. The woman who played Victoria in HIMYM was in some Western dreck, all the actresses above, Candace Cameron Bure, Lori Laughlin, Danica McKellar, and probably another 5-10 who I’ve forgotten about.
Bumped.
SNL did a wickedly on-target spoof: Cut for Time: Hallmark Channel Christmas Promo (James Franco) - SNL - YouTube
Bumped.
Hallmark will now feature LGBTQ stories in Christmas movies: Hallmark will now feature LGBTQ stories in Christmas movies | CNN
If he does, I bet she’s quirky and independent.
Well, duh.
Bumped.
Thanks to Spice_Weasel for posting this in another thread:
You mean Sarah Lancaster from Everwood…
…if we’re going to keep the cheesy factor up.
(Everwood, CO… where the overworked, neglectful doctor has to move with his kids and become a family again, because it was his dying wife’s last wish).
Oh, also starred Emily Van Camp and Chris Pratt and a bunch of soon-to-be stars.
Since this has been bumped:
I will probably watch that tonight 
Hallmark’s “Christmas in July” marathon starts June 25th.
Hallmark Christmas movies, you say?
Posts that immediately tell you it’s a zombie thread.
Bumped.
Just the thing for most of the folks in this thread to wear!
For anyone interested this incredibly comprehensive list includes new 2021 movies from Hallmark, Lifetime, Netflix and many more, including a few channels I’ve never heard of.
This thread has given me more solid laughs, especially as the posts span the six years since I weighed in, than the last episode of Modern Family I watched.