Hints from travel, courtesy of "Airline"

Cafe Society
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I really enjoy this A&E show and wish there were more new shows during both slots on Monday. I enjoy the personalities of the Southwest staff they feature, and feel the heightened tension airline travel brings. So:

  1. If Mom is dependent on 17 meds per day, pack them in the carry-on rather than the checked bag, just in case the suitcase makes it on board and you don’t.

  2. Hold onto your tickets. Please don’t lose them and then get raving mad at Southwest ruining your life when they can’t replace them for free.

  3. Note to self: expressly ask for the Las Vegas flight WITHOUT the singing, dancing, game-show-hosting flight staff.

Last night’s featured a wedding dress getting run over on the tarmac!! Luckily it was a bride on her way back from an accomplished wedding; as pissed as she was I am so glad she wasn’t on her way to the big event!!

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Some of the people on that show are totally clueless. The people who packed the meds are especially dense. Also, I’m shocked at the number of people pretending to have no concept of a plane being overbooked. “What, you mean there aren’t any seats? How can that be?!?!”

My tips:

  1. Before you start ranting at the airline for losing your bags, be sure you actually know what you bag looks like. Duh.

  2. Yes, you’re not flying the plane, but that doesn’t mean “time to get drunk off my ass!”

3a) The purpose of your luggage is to protect the things inside it, not to look pristene forever and never get damaged or banged around.

3b) Your bag is NOT made of bulletproof material. If it were made of bulletproof material you WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO LIFT IT! If your suitcase company is claiming their case is “indestructable” and the airline rips it, your beef is with the suitcase company, IMHO.

  1. Hey, sometimes shit happens. Yes, even to you! Get over it.

I’m surprised they don’t show stupid people going through security. I can’t count the times I’ve heard people say things like “oh gee, it must be my steel-toed boots setting off the machine!” or “oh that’s just my hunting knife. What, I can’t take that on?!?”

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Corollary: If you spent more for the piece of luggage than on the entirety of its contents, you’re an idiot.

“It’s very expensive. It’s very expensive.”

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  1. Take a bath. Nobody wants to smell you and if you are flying an airline other than Southwestern being filmed, you won’t be getting nice, clean clothes.

2.It’s not the airline’s fault if you miss your flight. If you think you and your two kids are gonna make it through the hoops in 20 minutes, you deserve to miss the plane.

3.After you’ve been forced to buy an extra seat because you are “a person of size” don’t go buy two dinners and lots of snacks in front of the camara. Not really airline advice, that’ll look bad where ever you do that.

4.You’re drunk. Shut the hell up.

They must give those guys special, intensive, commando patience training.

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  1. Do not get drunk when you are the chaperone of children.

1a) Do not allow said children to terrorize other people in the plane

1b) Do not allow said children to swear

1c) Do not yourself swear at airport attendant or policemen

  1. You should not change clothing in the airport waiting area cause you really don’t end up looking that good even though the guy says you do and your momma says you do, he is being nice and your momma has to say you look good.

  2. If your baby is large for it’s size, carry it’s birth certificate with you, it will save you alot of hassle.

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  1. Remember the color of your daughter’s hair when you are describing her to airline officials. There is a difference in blond and black.

  2. If you are thrown off a flight because you are drunk, don’t sober up at the bar.