I’d say the irritation stems not from the show forcing you to be angry with the horders, but from the subjects’ unwillingness to budge on their problems. All the families, the doctors and the cleaners gave helpful, concerned advice; I didn’t see anyone storming in and telling them to quit being lazy slobs, but instructing them on how to deal with their problems and achieve their stated goals. Arm-War/Wig Lady purportedly wanted to have a neat home where her grandchilden could visit, but refused to make any moves toward that goal.
Because she has a problem, not because she’s an indifferent pain in the ass who doesn’t care. These people find it incredibly stressful, painful, disturbing, anxiety-inducing to address their hoarding. They almost certainly are completely sincere about wanting it to be otherwise, but as with most of us who do things we know are bad for us, we want to just be and feel differently, we don’t want to do the hard work of walking through our pain, fear, distress, whatever it is, to get to the other side. So we are paralyzed and stay with what we know.
We watched the episode with the dookie tower in disbelief. Most of the prior comments relflect our views on this. However, I am not sure if anyone noticed that this person lived in a duplex. There was someone living next door to that filth in the same building. Even after the cleanup I cannot imagine the smell ever abating. I do say that she did seem appreciative in the end and hope the changes they made were permanent for her.
Also, beyond the toilet (and yes, I felt bad for the cameraman, too), they kept showing the stovetop and it’s dripping dry cat poo. Glad they just tossed that.
Yeah, they care, but not enough to actually do anything about it. And that is pretty damn frustrating.
I myself have trouble letting things go. I hate cleaning. And I realize on some level that their problems are worse than mine, but there is a part of me (and most people who watch the show) where you just think, “Fucking DO IT! Quit whining and acting like a spoiled brat, and CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT.” I have tons of sympathy for the people who are overwhelmed, and need help, but are trying to fix it. I quickly lose sympathy with people who are more interested in coming up with excuses than fixing their problems.
It can be overcome. I’ve seen enough people do it that I know this is true. It is hard, but it is not impossible. But, you have to actually try.
I can only assume from this that you are not very familiar with paralyzing fear and for that you should be grateful..
Your assumptions would be wrong. Very wrong. It contributes to why I have little patience for people unwilling to change their situation, but endless patience for people who try. Yes, it is hard. But it can be done. If you try.
What trying looks like to you vs. what it looks like to others can be very different.
Do you believe Arm-War was trying, Stoid? Just because you have a mental illness does not mean you are absolved from acting like an entitled, ungrateful brat. Not only did this woman NOT accept the help everyone was trying to give her, she tried her best to undermine it.
I have seen people struggle with addiction and I have seen people give lip service to a struggle they pretend to be having. Wig lady didn’t even do the minimum of pretending to care. She reminded me of my aunt who calls crying when the police are at her door but will dig into your pocketbook when your back is turned for 10 bucks.
I guess I’ll have to re-watch… I wasn’t paying much attention to her because I was obssessed with “dookie-pile” (love that!) lady. I’m just going off everyone else. And I’ve been very disturbed by earlier ones…I’ve noticed a really amazing ability on the part of these people to blame others. But again, I understand that. Owning this kind of thing is hideously shameful, and I know that some people find shame almost life–threatening and will do the most bizarre things to avoid it.
BigT, they do provide therapy and follow up care.
What do they say, “God helps them who helps themselves?” I feel bad for people, I really do, but when you know you need help, but refuse to get it, well, I’m not going to pat you on the back and say, “there there.” At least the poop lady tried. Arm-War Woman was ungrateful and only gave a shit about her precious cabinets.
And some of these people have kids living in this filth, or are living in dangerous conditions that could harm others, or the animal hoarders. There was a guy who hoarded tons of a books and papers, and left his gas burner on 24/7 to keep warm. The place was surrounded by trees, too. That house was a fire trap, and if his house went up in flames, well, there goes the neighborhood.
Or what about Hildy, the one who had all the farm animals that were in deplorable conditions. The pregnant goat with the broken leg. The baby bird that was so crowded in the pen that he ended up dying in the rescuer’s arms. Or the ducks whose feet were raw and bleeding from the wires at the bottom of their cages. When told that she had to let them swim in the nearby pond, she started screeching and waving her arms, “I ain’t lettin’ em in no goddamned pond!”
All of her animals were confiscated, IIRC, (many had to be put down), and she ended up being charged with animal cruelty. I have absolutely no sympathy for THAT woman.
I’m watching an episode of “Hoarding: Buried Alive” that aired 3/11, called “Where are they now?” where they return to a few previous cases and try to help them further. One case has a woman whose husband is ready to leave her. She agreed to a cleanup to try to keep her husband and kids, and they were going through her “collection” of hundreds of purses. She told the organizer she couldn’t get rid of some because she was storing those for her twin sister. The organizer asked if she didn’t have room, and when the woman was saying no, her husband stuck his head in the room and dropped this bombshell: “You don’t have a sister.” :eek:
She barely breaks stride and replies, “Oh that’s right, we don’t talk about her because you slept with her.” :eek:
The organizer tries to redirect the conversation to getting rid of purses, and the husband retorts that he’s been married to her since (sometime in the '80s), she does not have a sister, he’s never had an affair, and she is doing everything she can to hold onto her stuff at the expense of her family.
Holy crap. I’ve seen lots of justifications for keeping stuff but never making up the existence of people.
Monday there was a mini Buried Alive marathon-- perfect accompaniment for some spring cleaning. Only it was ruined by the promo for My Strange Addiction: a woman who washed her face, brushed her teeth and drank large glasses of her own urine. I can still hear her:
“Mmm, lemony!” ::smacks lips::
Aarrgghh! Why can’t they show promos for I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant instead?
Yes, that shocked me too. It didn’t seem like delusion or mental illness – just calculated deception.
Urine therapy. Yes, it’s real, but I’m not going searching for it. gag
Suddenly those recent lemonade-tea Snapple commercials aren’t quite as funny or thirst inducing anymore.
Well, at least she provides proof that bathing in urine does nothing for your skin.
[I am watching hoarders this episode with Cary from NYC is heartbreaking. You can tell he has a mental illness. His friends are screaming at him telling him he lives like an animal.He is ill why can’t they see this? Why isn’t he hospitalized? I know at the end of show they say the hoarder is working with aftercare funds but this is a mental illness I never see any episode that says they are working with a psychiatrist or on medication. It is terrible to see someone suffering and unless you or a family member experience some sort of mental illness you can’t understand it.
The friend I referenced in post #19 is no better. Probably worse. She hasn’t really cleaned the house in more than 10 years or so, tons of stuff are piled onto the carpets, flooding occurred in the past and was never really dealt with, she still has all of her deceased parents’ belongings (they died in 2004 and 2007, respectively), the back patio is piled high with all kinds of crap, she has an ancient TV, the answering machine for the wall phone no longer works and the cordless set died ages ago, she can only sleep in the master bedroom because her former bedroom cannot be walked in; ditto for the front living room; etc.
She knows she has a serious problem and she can well afford to get professional help, but that’s not happening.
I remind her occasionally that there are things she could do around the house on weekends, but she says she doesn’t want to and can’t face it.
She stays extremely late at work because she doesn’t want to go home.
But she also doesn’t want to part with any of the crap in her home.
She lives a very unhealthy life in a very unhealthy house. If any of her colleagues heard about any of the above, they’d never believe it.
I’m another fan of Matt Paxton, I also like Dorothy, the organizer. Hoarders cuts some slack to the poor families of the hoarder. In hoarding Buried Alive the psychologists seem to expect the family to zip it up and do what the hoarding control freak tells them to do…ie not throw anything away. It’s so hard to understand these people, like you I find myself thinking, " yea, so you lost an infant to SIDS 20 years ago, so get over it and stop torturing your living family" They all have an excuse…every adict does and I’m not sure that allowing the excuse is better than any enabling of an addict of any kind.