Hogwarts Library Bans Lord of the Rings. Read About It Here.

[HeyHomie]

…at Hogwarts
–Steven Cavanaugh reports for the Daily Prophet
May 26, 2002
The List of Banned and Forbidden Texts has been released again at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and this year it’s generating more than the usual amount of controversy. Among tomes judged to be poisonous to young minds, such as Witch-Hunting for Dummies and The Daily Financial Review, the popular novel Lord of the Rings, by muggle writer J.R.R Tolkien, now resides.
“It’s the first time we’ve had to ban a comedy,” acknowledges Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of the school. “Like everyone else, I had a chortle over the concept of house-elves having their own noble society and being wise and respected, but some things in that book are just not suitable for young wizards and witches. I’m thinking of bringing in some Dementors for school security, and after reading about those ringwraiths my students will run at first sight of them. And the recurring theme of magic fading from the world has caused terrible rumours, even among the staff”.
Mr Dumbledore slams critics who claim he only opposes the book due to the many references to a parody of himself. “I can take a joke with the best of them” he defends. “Even when it gets past a joke. If I had a galleon for every time those Weasley twins have used a grey colour-changing spell on my robes while they’re at the laundry…”

Much of the magical community can see his point, such as second year student Draco Malfoy. “The only reason wizards are even in this book is just to help muggles,” he points out. “What sort of role model is that? You even have a magical being giving up her heritage to marry a muggle. It’s a mudblood manifesto”.

Why, then, such interest in Lord of the Rings? “It touches something inside all of us,” explains Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Gilderoy Lockhart. “It addresses that deep need we all have to be able to face the dark lord and actually say his name. Sauron. Sauron. Look! Nothing’s happening! Sauron!”

The move to ban the book is not welcomed by all. “I’ve had a lot less trouble keeping the students out of the forbidden forest since that book became popular” says caretaker Hagrid. “Even the ones who have pet spiders of their own. Still, they know it’s just a book. It’s not as if we have some little chosen fellow running around here turning invisible”.

One of the hardest accusations levelled against the novel is that its popularity exposes muggles to the secret magical world. However the man best placed to confirm this insists that the opposite effect is taking place. “It used to be a nightmare keeping everyone out of sight of the muggles- I was swamped with work,” says Arthur Weasley of the Ministry of Magic. “Nowadays we can just stroll down any street in our robes and people don’t seem to notice. Except for the odd comment- I don’t suppose you know the meaning of the muggle word ‘Fanboy’?”

I have no idea who wrote this, otherwise I would credit him or her. AND I would have sought his/her permission before posting it here.

I hope you have enjoyed it.

[Duck_Duck_Goose]

Google, “The List of Banned and Forbidden Texts has been released again at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry”.

Original.
http://www.tolkienonline.com/docs/6654.html

At the bottom of the article a link says “Goto: Cav Central”. That’s here. It was written by Steven Cavanagh.

http://www.nagrom.net/CavCentral/

The site that collects into a single cesspool all the creative dabblings of Steven Cavanagh, the man described by over 99% of web surfers as “who?”

[Lobsang]

who?

(%99.00000000002)

[Blackeyes]

who?

(%99.00000000004)

[susan]

Are there owls in here?

[RTFirefly]

Only owl on this board is owlofcreamcheese. No sightings yet in this thread.

[Tapioca_Dextrin]

Um, I’ve actually met Steve in real life. He seemed at least partly normal.

[Olentzero]

I love the line about the “chosen fellow running around here turning invisible”, myself.

[Gorgon_Heap]

Well, I admit to being terribly confused. Oh, well.