Evidently you aren’t listening to my opinions on the subject.
I’ve not suggested “Berating” anyone. And her life might not be ruined, but there’s a pretty significant chance it is, actually.
I hate seeing stuff like this. That kid is not ready to be a mother. She’s not even done being a kid herself and the fact that she had unprotected sex at such a young age merely proves her immaturity and lack of responsibility. The rest of her teen years are going to be spent utterly unlike the vast majority of her peers and she’s probably going to resent it. That’s not how one should become a mother.
And the boys! It makes me want to pass a law that allows sprinkling the lunches of teenage boys everywhere with potassium nitrate*.
- Okay, I know that’s a UL, but I couldn’t think of anything else that anyone would recognize as an anaphrodesiac.
You can tell your child whatever you want. Getting pregnant will endanger her health and make it harder for her to continue her life: once you have a child you cannot be a child. Berating a girl after she’s pregnant is pointless. What’s done is done, the next step is to look at options and discuss there consequences.
I apologize. Earlier in the thread “down the tubes” was said. I assumed RickJay felt that a pregnant teenaged was ruined. It was inappropriate of me to make that jump in logic.
I agree that the berating after the fact is pointless.
I plan to strongly advise my son to avoid the chance of becoming a Teen Father. Up to recommending Condoms and providing them for him. It could be very bad for a “boys” future. He is only 6 though, so I do not plan to have this conversation for many years yet. I plan to have a similar conversation with my daughter who is 9 tomorrow. I will admit that talk will be tougher for me.
Jim
So the mother had a kid at 15? My mother got pregnant with my older brother at 16. This was before Roe so that wasn’t an option. My grandfather beat the living tar out of her boyfriend and they ended up married. That was the bigger mistake.
Very well said. I think stigmatizing teen mothers accomplishes nothing other than, as you say, making teen mother failure a self-fulfilling prophecy. Most teens do not intend to get pregnant in the first place (although I’m certainly aware that some kids get pregnant in hopes of getting attention or someone to “love” them), so I don’t think trying to terrorize them with stories about how teen pregnancy will ruin their lives is really going to do much to prevent pregnancy anyway.
Educating them about contraception and how to make responsible choices about sex will get you much farther than bashing teen moms.
Ruffian, I’m so glad that you are planning to take this girl under your wing. Is there any way you can get in touch with her over the summer and maybe be a support person to her during the pregnancy? From what you say about her home life, it sounds like she is desperately in need of a caring and responsible adult role model - and the sooner, the better. While obviously this is not an ideal situation, she can certainly still make something of her life if she has the proper guidance. Unfortunately, I think the thing that “ruins” most teen moms’ lives isn’t the pregnancy/baby itself, but the broken family dynamics that tend to lead to things like kids having unsafe sex at an early age in the first place.
One of our foster daughters discovered she was 4 months pregnant on her 14th birthday. She entered foster care shortly thereafter, and our family when she was 15 and the child was 14 months old. She made the decision to make an adoption plan for her daughter in a very open adoption with a local family. Although she has some regrets for making an adoption plan, she knows that she wasn’t ready to be the kind of mom her daughter needed … a very mature decision considering her age and life experiences up to that point. This daughter is now 24 years old, has been married for six years, and is due to deliver her first “keeper” in August.
I hope that someone speaks frankly and honestly to this young lady about the very real challenges that parenting at that age will be present in her life, not to mention the child, and offers adoption/open adoption as a viable option.
Blessings to you for wanting to take her under your wing. She will need your maturity and guidance regardless of the choice she makes.
It may not ruin her life, but its going to make her life more difficult.
She could make an adoption plan, but while that gets rid of some of the logistical problems of motherhood when you are trying to grow up, it adds a new emotional dimension. I think many birthmothers walk around with a hole in them, even when they believe what they did was best.
If her family is supportive, she can coparent with them. That will let her continue to go to school through college, but will be a burden on her parents. There will be times - possibly more often than not, when she is the secondary parent.
If her parents aren’t completely supportive, she will find herself at 18, expected to support herself. Even if her parents say “live here, but we aren’t your eternal babysitters” she will find a situation where she can’t afford childcare and college. Childcare and work will be hard enough.
Her pool of people willing to date her as an adult went down. An acquaintence who had a child at eighteen discovered by 22 that not many men were willing to go more than a few months with her. Kids complicate getting serious. Doesn’t mean she won’t meet a wonderful man who accepts her kid, but it can be hard enough to find a life partner when you don’t have the baggage of a child.
Her pool of people to date in junior high and highschool just expanded though - because she’ll now have the forever reputation in that group as someone who puts out.
Its doable, but she has just made her life so much harder than it needs to be.
there is a big difference between preg. at 13 and preg. at 17. she isn’t in high school yet. she can’t get a job. she still has some growing to do (phys. as well as mental). a 17 year old can live on their own.
i hope she can get a good support group together. it does take a village to help a preg. teen.
keep us updated ruffian.
I remember that thread, and wondered how it all turned out.
Adoption (and abortion) are very unlikely with this girl–culturally, they are almost unthinkable. I hate to say it, but in this community, young girls (just usually not this young) having babies isn’t that unusual. According to our principal, our district has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the county. It just usually doesn’t afflict our middle school, fercryinoutloud.
Not that options shouldn’t be made known to her, but I think the odds of her giving the baby up for adoption are pretty slim.
Ruffian, based on your posts I’m afraid I may have guessed what area you teach in… especially the question about getting beaten up to end a pregnancy. 
I have a friend who is a high school district superintendent in the Inland Empire, and he has described much of what you are talking about.
There is a reason that most people think that a teenage pregnancy blows all chances of a successful life for a young girl- because it has so often before! Of course there are exceptions, but I’ll bet they are few and far between.
It is still a tough old world out there for young women, and a pregnancy at 13 can’t be anything but a negative.
I’m sorry, but it’s too damn young.
I feel so sorry for this girl and that child.
Before I get flamed, of course it could turn out just fine, of course she could become a great mom, of course she might be able to finish junior high and high school and support herself and her child… It just doesn’t seem likely. She has already proven herself to be immature, irresponsible and easily led astray. Is all of that going to suddenly change because of this baby? Probably not. It might at 17 or 19, but she is so young…