Holy crap...one of my students from last year is pregnant

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

Folks…I teach 6TH grade.

So…a 7th grader is now 3 months pregnant. She’s 13.

I don’t know whether to say :eek: or :mad: or :smack: or :frowning: .

She’s a very bright girl–was an A student with me before getting in with a too-mature-for-their-own-good crowd. Never before, or since, have I had a group of 6th grade girls come in wearing make-up, miniskirts, and belly shirts, spending more time in class checking their lipgloss than working, and she was leader of these preening queens. She has attitude with some, but not me–in fact, she really took a liking to me and organized a surprise birthday party for me last year.

Now I hear she’s showing off her belly (she’s 3mos or so, but so tiny a frame she’s already showing), telling all her friends…sigh

She’ll be out of school until 2nd semester. When she returns, if she returns, I am going to tackle her and force her under my wing.

Holy frijole.

FTR–last year I came to the SDMB speculating one of my 6th graders might be pregnant. I stopped posting about it and went to administration with my concerns; turned out she wasn’t. But this girl, one of her best friends, now is. :frowning:

#2

Well, there goes another young girl’s life down the tubes.

I don’t suppose there’s a chance that a Father is handy?

#3

Bosda, from what she says, the father has gone to Mexico. Now that could very well be true; we have several migrant families in this community who are constantly going to and from Mexico. But I also think it’s an awfully convenient way to protect someone (not to suggest anything insidious–rather, she could be protecting a boyfriend at the same school, or an older kid, etc.).

She was living with her mother (Dad’s out of the picture, no surprise there) when I had her; this year I’m told she was now living with other relatives*. She has a great deal of potential academically–more than most of her peers. I hope, hope, she will still make it through high school. I have hope for her, but maybe only because I have to have hope for her. :frowning:

So strange…her child could end up going to school with mine.

#4

If he is, I just hope he doesn’t give her any medical advice during her pregnancy.

[/gth]

Sorry, Ruffian. That sucks.

#5

What makes you say that? You don’t know what she intends to do with the baby, what sort of support system she has in place, or what her future plans are. Sure, she’s probably made things harder for herself in the short term, but as a bright young woman she can certainly finish school and go on to do nearly anything she puts her mind to. Or she can choose to become a fantastic mother. Or both.

Not that I think this is the greatest news, but it’s certainly not the end of civilization as we know it. Plenty of successful people were teenaged mothers. Tell her that her life is over, and that may well be a self-fufilling prophecy. Tell her that she’s in for some hard, hard work and a lot of rewards, and you might create responsibility and a good work ethic.

(post edited to remove all the "fuck"s and vitriol)

WhyNot,
pregnant at 17

#6

If the girl is receptive, by all means be her mentor. Teenaged mothers can move on and be happy productive people with the right support and guidance.

Were the Hell are the parents? I know that teenagers keep a lot from their families, but a pregnancy is hard to hide.

#7

I just can’t imagine being pregnant in junior high.

What has me :smack: -ing myself: Last year, during the obligatory 6th grade growth and development (the “sex talk”, minus the “sex” part–in 6th it’s all periods and such), I snuck in and saw the nurse–definitely not a teacher used to managing a class of squirmy middle school girls, nonetheless the entire 6th grade group of them–struggling to get the information out, and struggling more to get any participation from the giggly audience. The group of girls who needed to hear this information the most had completely blown her off and were at a back table being rude and foolish. I parked myself at their table and took over. At first they tried shocking me with crude questions, but when they saw I wasn’t embarrassed or upset but would rather answer honestly and frankly, the real questions started. The girl who I thought might be pregnant was asking things like, if I get pregnant, can’t I have someone beat me up to make the baby go away? …and… “How can make sure my dad doesn’t know?” (Yes, her dad is still in the picture–mom is not.)

They asked about getting pregnant (lots of urban legend kind of things), and I answered factually.

This girl was in that group, and while two of them were loud and goofy and crude and asking all the questions, she simply sat and listened very, very intently. sigh

And no, her life is decidedly not over. No way…at least, not yet. I’m going to do what I can to get involved in her life, maybe even get a hold of her family over the summer. Not sure what I can do, except be Someone for her…you know?

#8

!!! And I thought it was awkward and rather over-the-top in Grade 6 when my classmate asked about double-bagging.

The first question makes me sad though. :frowning: I always joke with my parents when they bug me about some little thing, “At least I don’t have a kid at 19!”.

#9

Well put WhyNot. I have a lot of respect for you. (My bother was a father at 17. My family got mad at the girl. WTF? I was an outcast because I supported them both. My nephew is now 9. His mother is my best friend and the strongest, smartest person I know.)

Oh yeah. Here is a story about a teen mother and how people still judge her now that she’s 29.

#10

The one thing that gets me, guys, isn’t that she’s pregnant as a teen…it’s that she’s pregnant at 13. :eek: Seems a world of difference than being pregnant at 17 or 18. Yikes.

#11

Yeah, there’s a big difference between 17 and 13. I hope everything is ok for this girl.

#12

I know this is a normal reaction kinda thing, but this always gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies.

One of our 14yo 9th graders got pregnant a couple of years back. (I never really knew the kid; been out for a year; hope she’s alright.) While she was still in our school, the pediatrician gave her a little doll that was supposed to show her how big the fetus was. Seeing a whole gaggle of 14yo girls holding this doll up to their belly and cooing made me want to lock 'em all up in a nunnery.

I know it’s normal and they were supporting their friend, but it still gave me the willies.

#13

Poor girl. I hope she’s got a supportive family.

#14

Isn’t giving birth still fairly dangerous at that age?

#15

I know a woman who became a grandmother at age 29 when her 14 year old daughter had a son. The daugher is now 23, has three sons, and has lived her entire life on welfare.

#16

To my (admitted limitted) knowledge, yes, there are more likely to be complications involved in the birth when the mother is below a certain age. Premature delivery and low birth-weight (with all that that intails) are more likely.

Instead of pulling something out of my a… ahhh sleeve, lemme see if i can find any statistics.

Right, from here:
[

](http://hec.osu.edu/famlife/bulletin/volume.3/bull34f.htm)

#17

But you’re not allowed to say that anymore, heavens no. God forbid you should ever suggest in person to anyone that single motherhood might not be a good idea for the teenager.

#18

I must have missed that memo, when did it become wrong to say that a 13 year old becoming a mother would probably ruin her life?

Ruffian That really stinks, am I allowed to ask if she is thinking about giving it up for adoption or getting an abortion?

Jim

#19

Well, I don’t hear anyone condeming teenage fatherhood. If a girl gets pregnant, she’s ruined. If a boy has sex, he’s a stud. The double standard is alive and well. Also, abortion and sex education are very touchy subjects, but (American) kids live in a sex saturated culture. There are no good answers.

The least a person can do is support a scared and confused girl. Berating her for having sex will not change the situation and will only hurt her. Her life has not been ruined, but it will be more difficult.

#20

Am I allow to tell my own daughter, that getting pregnant at a young age is not only dangerous to her health but might set her back academically and make it harder for her to go through college?
Would that make me a Neanderthal?
Rick Jay did not use the word ruin, he just said “single motherhood might not be a good idea for the teenager.”

Jim