I kind of borrowed it from Peter Schickele (of P.D.Q. Bach fame). When introducing a piece he mentioned that a problem with the instruments in the piece was that when the bagpipes are playing you can’t hear anything else, but that when the lute is playing you can’t hear it if there’s another instrument on the stage, playing or not.
You did the source justice.
The reason you butter the outside of the bread rather than the pan, is so you don’t burn the butter. (I understand that some of you don’t have this as an issue but some of us subhumans do.) As for optimal ingredients:
Coarse wheat bread
Butter liberal on the bread’s outside
For the filling:
Grated or thinly sliced aged cheddar (copious, if not ubiquitous.)
Sweet pickle relish
Liberal Tabasco Sauce
Pre-heated pan (medium, low-medium), 3 minutes per side, than 1 minute more per side
I’m with Doug K in thinking that what you’ve described there is a relish sandwich with also cheese. 
Butter in the pan first, rather than buttering the bread just seems wrong to me, though clearly that method has its fans, so I’ll concede that it might work, just not for me.
I don’t go through a loaf of bread fast enough for it to not end up stale, so the second half usually goes into the freezer after a couple of days. This works for grilled cheese, because if the butter is a bit hard, it will still spread on the frozen bread without mutilating it. By the time the cheese is cut and the pan heated, the bread has thawed. Stack the bread with buttered sides together so you don’t end up smearing butter on the cutting board, add a smear of red pepper jelly, (or not) and the cheese. Place the top slice in the pan with it’s layer of cheese and then top with the other buttered slice, butter side up.
I watched a cook in a small restaurant place both slices butter side down on the griddle, top one with cheese and then put the sandwich together to serve. This, too seemed wrong, though I see how it speeds up the process.
The question is, what is the difference? I’ve done it both ways, and they yield exactly the same product. I just don’t get it. We don’t butter anything else before throwing it into the pan, why grilled cheese? The only difference I notice is maybe conserving a little bit of butter when you butter it, because you only use exactly how much you need to cover the bread. But that’s it.
I can only answer for myself: it seems to me that, when I butter the bread rather than the pan, the bread absorbs more butter and gets “soggier” in the process. As a time-saving measure, I do (as I mentioned with my method) butter one side of one slice, melt the butter in the pan, put the unbuttered slice on the bottom, and place the buttered slice on top. That way, when the pan is dry, the top slice will brown and crisp properly after the flip.
Also, I find that the butter in the pan gives you a visual cue that can help you know when your sandwich is done without needing to “peek” constantly.
That’s definitely wrong, as the cheese doesn’t get as melted, and the sides of the sandwich don’t get fused together. Back when I worked foodservice, I had a manager who swore that it was exactly the same, but he was wrong.
Interesting. My instinct is also to say that it’s totally wrong, but if the cheese melts well on the one side with the cheese (like if you domed it for the last minute of cooking or so, to make it nice and gooey), I think it may be indistinguishable from a properly cooked grilled cheese.
This is the saddest thing I have read in a very long time.
I had what was labeled a “grown-up grilled cheese” that included pesto and a tomato slice. It was very good, but it wasn’t really grilled cheese in my book.
You might be able to compensate for the cheese being insufficiently melted by doming it, but I imagine that it still wouldn’t stick to the other piece of bread properly.
I blame everyone here for the grilled cheese sandwich I had for breakfast this morning.
It was satisfying.
Okay, so I tried this crazy new technique of melting the butter in the pan first, and I think I’ll go back to buttering the bread first instead. I’m a control freak and I like to think I can use exactly the amount of butter needed and no more, and that I can spread it exactly where it needs to go.
Bring on the harsh ridicule!
A couple of years ago, I started using duck fat instead of butter. That’s the only was I make them now.
Mmm, duck fat. It’s good for popcorn, too.
See, I’m not sure there is such a thing as too much butter. 
Duck fat? Fuck dat!