Here at my Venerable New England College, summer quarter is close to ending. We are now in what is charitably called “Hell Week.” By this I mean the week that encompasses the end of classes, reading period, and exams wherein the campus diet reverts to frappuccinos and everyone forgets to bathe.
Right now I am attempting to do an astronomy lab on Mars. I am, shall we say, having difficulties with it. By that I mean, “Can’t bring myself to give a rat’s ass about the damn thing.” It’s interesting and compelling material, but I’m so burned out that all I can do is sit at my computer and gibber incoherently.
Thus far the only reason that I have to do my homework is as follows:
Serial killers are everywhere, but they fortunately follow rules. If a serial killer enters my frat house, they will clearly leave me alone. People who are downstairs engaged in wild debauchery have to be killed first; the nerdy girl doesn’t get offed until later.
So by doing my astronomy I’m saving my life. For now.
Wow, good luck. Speaking as someone who’s attending her grad school orientation tomorrow, it’s weird to think that people are going through finals hell when you’re just starting the fall semester.
If you’re a virgin, you don’t get offed at all, right?
I’m safe with the virginity thing, too. Never been with a man and I date girls, so I’m technically a virgin no matter how many girls of the sapphic persuasion I get to know. Yay loopholes!
Ah, but now you’ve opened yourself up to the Melodramatic Lesbian Suicide, or even worse, The Dashing Man Who Will Show You the Error of Your Ways. Those film cliches are vicious.
There’s still hope for the serial killer, though. Do you have any pot? Serial killers hate pot smokers almost as much as they hate promiscuous teenagers.
Yeah! Hell, that happens all the time in the movies (well, maybe not specifically with lesbian protagonists, but still).
I’m thinking specifically of Cary Elwes in Kiss The Girls.
And wasn’t there a discussion a few days ago on the boards as to what exactly constitutes virginity for homosexuals? You may not be out of the woods yet, andygirl.
Play it safe. You’ve got to be virtuous, but brave. Smart, but not too nerdy. And for Og’s sake, whatever you do, don’t have sex!
You’re just having orientation today? I had orientation last week, and classes start today. Luckily, I shouldn’t have to participate too much in the full contact parking that takes place here, as I have no classes before 2 PM.
I still think I’m safe. Since I’m in a horror movie framework there is no man to show me the error of my ways, and nobody kills themselves in a horror movie. Well, you could argue that when you find a knife ridden body, hear a noise upstairs, and go investigate it… but no, nothing overt.
