Trinopus, I just realized that I don’t like wedding pictures of two men. (I haven’t seen any of friends of mine, these are from news stories.) Weird, isn’t? Images of kissing or mild erotica don’t bother me at all, but two figures in suits in front of the JP is just wrong some how.
Not the marriage, mind you, just the wedding.
I’m not going to let it bother me; I’m sure if I attend many such weddings, I’ll get use to it.
And the quiz?
High-grade non-homophobic, but I do not understand some of these question:
Gay people deserve what they get. - Good stuff, bad stuff? What if I think everyone, gay or straight, “deserves what they get.”
Homosexuality is acceptable to me. - “Acceptable” is a rather broad term.
I enjoy the company of gay people. - What if I don’t really “enjoy” the company of most people? What if I don’t know, or speculate about, the sexual orientation of people?
For those who have had formerly closeted friends come out, do you make any attempt at empathizing with their former existence? Had a couple friends since kindergarten who gravitated to groups of girls during activities throughout our public school career. No dates, no affection in the hallway, no love letters passed. In the late 80’s early 90’s, prom dates were beards or friends only. I wondered then and now if they were lonely or unfulfilled; they most definitely were not validated or treated equally. Makes me sad and angry that two people in my group missed out on the milestones most teenagers enjoy, and I imagine the fear, shame, and confusion they may have felt. I loved those kids like brothers. When I see gay people holding hands, kissing, marrying, I think Yay, you! And I’m hopeful that kids have more freedom now, feel safer. Get to share love and sex and all that companionship entails.
Remember how exciting and heart-fluttering your first love notes felt? Marathon phone calls? First kisses, and all the bases? Why begrudge anyone that, even internally? Love is something to celebrate.
Some of us feel lonely and unloved, and they want “bad” people to have to feel that way, too. It gives them a sense of righteousness to inflict upon someone who’s (supposedly) got it coming.
Senegoid: Nifty story/confession. It seems that we are all, to some degree, products of our culture. Our media frames the terms of the discussion, at least as a kind of default, and so it is harder for us to move past those defaults and assess situations consciously.
This makes the think of the vast asymmetry in clothing in general. Two women getting married, both wearing suits: doesn’t bother me at all. Two men getting married, both wearing suits: doesn’t bother me at all.
Two men getting married, both wearing ornate white wedding gowns? Makes me very uncomfortable. But that simply falls out of the asymmetry that seeing men wearing almost any kind of women’s clothing, in almost any context, is disagreeable.
I think it supports Superhal’s suggestion that misogyny is really at the heart of a lot of this.
Being grossed out by 2 guys kissing is not homophobic. I truly don’t care if guys want to kiss but seeing it is very off putting to me the same way seeing a girl get plowed in the ass by a thick one is. I don’t find it visually appealing but that doesn’t mean I’m against the parties doing their thing any way.
Close friend who had been “in the closet”: My reaction was fury that he had ever been in the closet with me. Until another friend pointed out he’d probably come out to us about five minutes after he came out to himself. I’ve never felt sorry for him missing the magical prom experience, because he has more friends than anyone else I know.
Co-worker who reported to me: Arranged an off-site lunch date to “come out”. My reaction was pretty much “And … ?” We had a good talk about working with … very traditional people, and keeping ones private and professional lives separate. I had more sympathy for the difficulties of being out in that case.
Several other people have turned to me in the middle of a story to say, “Your know I date [people of the same sex], right?” My response was usually, “Yes, well, no, that is I never thought about it, but I’m not surprised, but then I don’t care …” They generally had very funny stories about disastrous junior proms, so I am sure they were over the whole teen-age angst.
What about two women in full bridal regalia? I don’t think I’d like that, either.
Just curious. What is the scale of the test? 1-100? 1 meaning you favor gay orgies in schools and 100 meaning you have 15 corpses of gay people currently in your crawl space?
I took the test and ranked as “high-grade non-homophobic” but frankly you need to be quite seriously homophobic to give the 'wrong" answer to those questions.
I can’t relate to the OP regarding homosexuality in general. I can’t remember when I learnt that homosexuality existed, I had an attraction for both genders when I was a teen, and neither the existence of homosexuality nor my own attractions ever bothered me (I’m 47 so I guess having an interest in boys “should” have bothered me at that time but it didn’t).
However, there’s one thing I once mentioned here (and have been criticized for). I don’t like men excessively effeminate (even though I like men who are somewhat feminine…Not sure how to explain what I mean) and I don’t like men with those caricatural homosexual mannerisms or voice tones. I’ve been told here it’s not true, but I can’t help thinking they’re acting up.
Something I never mentioned is that I don’t like male cross-dressers or transvestites. (though I like butch women as much as feminine women). This I think could relate to the OP situation too. No doubt I could be cricized for this arbitrary dislike. I never tried to do anything about it. I don’t know if it’s possible or not to change this attitude, and mostly I don’t care. I think it’s not hurting anybody.
In the OP case, frankly, I think he should stop being bothered by his “homophobic” feelings. Thinking “Ew, ick” when seeing men kissing ranks quite low in the homophobia scale IMO (again, just look at the questions in the test for comparison). Especially for someone who otherwise has been actively promoting gay rights. I’m not sure there’s anything he can do about it, if it doesn’t change naturally over time. I don’t think we can have a total control on our feelings (be it homophobia, racism…), and I believe that as long as we don’t act upon them, it’s allright.
Yes. There’s too : “I want to know if people around me are gay or straight”. Yes, I want to know. That’s called curiosity and it has nothing to do with homophobia.
There are definitely some unstated assumptions in this test.
I felt a little uncomfortible having to hold my gay friend’s chihuahua, standing next to his little 3-series BMW with the very gay vanity license plate while he went inside to buy beer in San Francisco’s Castro district.
Two of the biggest, roughest, toughest, “manly” men I know wear utility kilts. I wouldn’t DARE tease them!
Well, by the definition I was using when I started the thread, yes…but by the way people have said the word ought properly to be used, no. Just a little more sensitive than necessary, perhaps.
Think of it this way: what are the possible negative consequences? Someone thinks you’re gay? So what? Someone propositions you on the basis of thinking you’re gay? Well…so what? You just say no, politely. I guess there could be negative consequences if it led someone who is seriously homophobic, and in a position of authority over you, to think you were gay. Like, your rich uncle Ashton decides to disinherit you, or your local county Republican party central committee stops supporting you in your run for Congress…
I’d figure the likeliest event is someone stops and says, “Wow, what a cute dog!”
I think two men having sex is disgusting. But in general I find men gay or straight men to be disgusting. A gay man will typically find women unappealing in the same way. In fact when I have talked to my gay friends about the beautiful vagina they will often use words like “Ewww”. Phobic? Perhaps. So what? That doesn’t mean you’re out to get them. Just means you find that object not appealing. I used to have a great time going to gay bars and drinking for free back when I was a much younger much hotter man. Gay people are fucking awesome to party with!