Hooray for MS Word!


I was working on a paper that’s due in 75 minutes, and switched to another MS Word window which contained the notes I had been compiling for same paper. I had some links in there, and while writing my paper I felt the need to follow one of those links and clarify something regarding a jazz musician’s nickname. So I right-click on the hyperlink and click “Open hyperlink”, thinking that–since I have an IE window open (and oh boy, could I write a whole 'nother term paper about IE!) the two programs–developed by the same evil syndicate, usually at about the same time–would do something logical, like one telling the other “Hey! I need you to open up this page about Machito.” and the other saying something like “Yeah, no problem–that’s my job!” rather than what it apparently actually said, which was more among the lines of, “Get it yourself, dweeb! And here’s a PIE IN THE FACE! I’m going to cut you, motherfucker! Get back here! What’s the matter? Don’t like homemade pie? Mwahahahahahaa!”

And Word sits sobbing, too shaken by its traumatic experience to let me work on or even save my paper. Fuck both of you shitty-ass programs, and the monopoly you rode in on. Grr.

Words to live by: save early and often. If you stop typing hit save. If you get up, hit save. If you’re doing anything else while you’re doing your paper, before you look at it save your paper.

I can’t believe you haven’t learned that yet. I thought that was the first thing anybody learned about Word.

I did save, but now I have to find another computer, and by the looks of it they’re all taken. Why couldn’t the damn program just open the hyperlink like it promised, though?

Didn’t the Autosave function appear in Word around, ooh, 1994?

/ WAG at the date, but it’s got to be a Long Time Ago

Microsoft screwed around with Word for a while in the mid-to-late 90s, pushing the idea that it was able to produce useful HTML pages. Thankfully, they stopped promoting this as a meaningful tool, but didn’t make it easy to remove all of these ‘functions’ from the program.

Microsoft products and HTML should never be allowed to touch - it’s like crossing the streams only worse…

(emphasis mine) Heh. Heh. Heh. Deliberate?

Yet another reason I enjoy typing stuff in OpenOffice.

Yeah, but you have to close it and start up again, which was far too much work for Word on that computer at that time. I would’ve been there all day anyway. And it’s all completely irrelevant to the fact that the world leader in word processing shouldn’t act like it was thrown together in thirty minutes in BASIC from a tutorial.

  1. The last time I used OpenOffice, it was heinously slow and liked to make a mess of MS Office documents, such that the MS Office document you got out was different from the one you put in, in various formatting ways. It was enough to severely fuck up a survey project, neatly organized in a table, that I’d spent most of the semester slaving away on.

  2. School computer. Same reason I don’t use Firefox there.

Interesting. I usually have no problem with it, and I save the document in RTF. Personally, I think that’s the best idea going; however, RTF does make for a bloated file size.

You should type “monopoly” into your next document and try out Word’s lookup function.

I’ll drink to that!

Which version? I find beta 2 to be pretty snappy. Dunno about the compatibility part, though. I don’t use Office much.

Remind me again how this used to work? I just tried it in Word 2K, and they’ve ruined the joke: it comes up with “control” as the synonym.


Actually, it should be the first thing that anybody learns about computers.

::reads thread title::

No way is anyone actually celebrating Word. For reasons I don’t understand, enormous numbers of people think they have no choice but to use it, but surely no one actually likes it??

::takes note of forum::

I knew it.

Well, I don’t remember the versions, but I used to use OpenOffice on a home Linux box and it was the most bloated, ugly, buggy thing I had ever run next to X Windows itself. Then my high school switched to OpenOffice and it was still bloated and slow, crashed a lot (more than MS Office), and screwed up MS Office documents.

Huh. If it was more than a year ago, then it was probably version 1. I wouldn’t write off 2.0 automatically–it’s definitely greatly improved. Then again, I’ve only really used the MS version. The Linux version might have the suck factor cranked a bit.

Major nitpick here. You mean the Windows version. I don’t think OpenOffice or MS would appreciate being connected with each other.

Dunno how it works (or doesn’t work) in MSOffice 2K; I haven’t used that version for almost 2 years now. In 2003 however, simply right-click in the middle of any word (or highlight a phrase and then right click) and pick “Lookup” from the pop-up context menu. Word will initiate a search in a wide variety of places for information.

Fer instance, executing a “Lookup” on the word monopoly returns a pane on the right side (where the help pane usually goes) containing the following: definitions from Microsoft’s Encarta Dictionary, a list of synonyms also from Encarta, and an option to translate the lookup term into about a dozen of the most common languages. These are the factory-shipped research resources. At the bottom of the pane, there’s a “Research Options” thingamadoodle were you can select more, or different, resources as your defaults if you don’t like the factory settings.

Heh, yeah. Add a W in the appropriate place, then.