Dear Straight Dope,
Your posting on the spicy hot food mentioned oil/water as the reason water will not help. The reason the food burns is that it is a base burn (pH is higher than 7). Water will slowly bring the pH down to the 7ish range. the reason that citrus drinks work is that they are acidic. What I find works best is iced tea which contains tannic acid. Carbonated soft drinks also work since they are essentiall carbonic acid. The carbonic acid is also why carbonated drinks [probably rot our insides…This is 1st year high school chemistry stuff.
Dagifsta
The relative amount of carbonic acid in carbonated drinks isn’t strong enough to do anything to your insides, just as vinegar, which is about five percent acetic acid, isn’t likely to melt your face off. Certainly carbonated drinks are not “essentially carbonic acid.”
The relative acidity of the remedies that I suggest here for the “base burn” on one’s tongue are slight when compared to water (pH 7), however they are strong acids in comparison to the base and that is why they work. Carbonic acid is carbonic acid whether the pH is 6.9 or 5.1. You can have surfuric acid or HCl so strong that it can damage your skin or you can have a fairly dilute version which is not particularly dangerous. They still are what they are.
I am also not suggesting that limited consumption of carbonated soft drinks is an immediate threat. Whether long-term, frequent consumption of these is “bad for you” or not will be shown by medical studies; I am not so sure that frequent consumption over the long term is particularly good for you compared to juices and water, but let’s wait and see.
Diluted sulfuric acid is no longer only sulfuric acid. It is sulfuric acid and water.
Carbonated soft drinks are not carbonic acid. They are carbonic acid and water. A lot of water. So much water, in fact, that there are many juices that outclass them in acidity.
Neither juices nor carbonated drinks will corrode your innards in any way, shape or form. (Vinegar, on the other hand, can damage your esophagus as well as your teeth if you drink too much of it.)
That is not normal use of language.
Might also explain why the surface of my tongue looks like coarse sandpaper. 
Honeychile, yes it is still sulfuric acid…
Simply put…Pure sulfuric acid is a colorless, odorless, oily liquid. It freezes at 10.5°C. It fumes when heated, because some of the H2SO4 decomposes to H2O and SO3. The H2O is retained in the liquid, while SO3 gas is released. Therefore, the concentration of H2SO4 decreases, reaching a concentration of 98.33%. This solution boils at 338°C and is the material sold as “concentrated sulfuric acid.” Concentrated sulfuric acid has a strong affinity for water and is sometimes used as a drying agent. It can be used to chemically remove water from many compounds. Concentrated sulfuric acid reacts similarly with skin, paper, and other animal and plant matter. When it is mixed with water, a highly exothermic reaction occurs, and the energy released can be enough to heat the mixture to boiling. Therefore, concentrated sulfuric acid must be diluted by adding the acid slowly to cold water while the mixture is stirred to dissipate the heat.
Essentially, as long as there is 1 molecule of sulfuric acid in a solution, it can be chemically considered sulfuric acid. Maybe really gimpy and weak as a kitten, downright homeopathic in fact…BUT it is still H2SO4.
D@mn, i spent too much time working at a chemical factory=\ where’s the mental floss?
99% accurate, but you let this final rhetorical flourish run away with you. H2SO4 plus H2O is still “sulfuric acid”, but only H2SO4 is H2SO4
I don’t see the point of the question Why do you eat hot foods if you can’t handle it? Personally, I love chili. I have a few chili plants, infact. Haven’t gotten many berries from them, though 
Anyway, I have noticed that you get used to hot foods. It may be damage, but I do not believe that my taste buds taste other tastes less.
BTW, if you forget that diluted H2SO4 has water readily available for reactions, you are in trouble.
I only now noticed this board is not free Won’t stay here for long.
A Punjabi friend suggested the same thing and it certainly seemed to work. Any idea why it should?