House Rules

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Don’t put empty ice trays in the sink. If filling it up is too much for you to handle, just leave in on the counter, not in the sink with the dirty dishes. I don’t wash ice trays.

If you do decide to fill an ice tray, fill it. Dribbling a quarter-inch of water into some of the cups is not acceptable.

Replace the toilet paper when you use it up. If the little spring-loaded gizmo is too complicated for you, at least unwrap a new roll and leave it on the edge of the sink.

Don’t kick dirty socks and undies under the bed. I will not fish them out for you.

Put dirty clothes in the hamper. Piling it on top of the hamper does not count. Socks must be unrolled.

Put away the clean and folded laundry I put on your bed. Piling it on the floor in front of your dresser is not “put away”. Having to do this cannot be construed as child abuse.

If you do not care for tonight’s dinner entree, you may have Cheerios, Chex or Kix, and some applesauce or yogurt. You may not have Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and a Coke.

Paper plates go in the trash, not the sink. I don’t wash them, I throw them away.

When the cats are meowing at their empty food bowls, feed them. Just a little, though…it’s a 12-pound cat, not a Great Dane. Neither of them needs 3 cups of food all at once.

That thing by the door is a coat rack. It’s for hanging up coats. Use it.

Do not torment your little brother. One day he is going to be bigger than you and then you’ll really be sorry.

Do not torment your big sisters. It only makes them torment you back.

Thank you.

2

You are my roommate. I am not your babysitter. You are not the Dick Greyson to my Bruce Wayne.

Your room is your room. I don’t care if you haven’t cleaned it since September. (You haven’t.) I don’t care if you sleep on a bare mattress on the floor because you’re too lazy to put together a bedframe or put sheets on the bed. (You are.)

But there are some basic ground rules.

Tuesday is cleaning night. This has been so decided because the trash is picked up on Wednesday. This means we clean on Tuesdays. It’s really straightforward. We take out the trash. We do all the dishes that have piled up. And I throw your clothes back into your room.

You get mail, too. Please empty the mailbox, especially when I’m out of town for ten days. The mail carrier gets finicky when he can’t stuff more of your junk magazines into our mail slot because you never get your mail.

Rent is due by the 5th of the month. If I leave on a vacation on the 30th, and leave my check with you and say “Here’s my half of the rent. Please don’t forget to write a check for your half and give it to the landlord” I REALLY MEAN THAT. I don’t like coming back on the 9th and finding a week’s worth of mail as well as notices from the landlord saying “Psst, I want my rent. Plus a $45 late fee.” Know what, chucklehead? That late payment’s going to follow me around on something called a credit history.

Sheesh, this is more BBQ Pit than MPSIMS for me. Eh, whatcha gonna do.

3

Well, I didn’t want to get too rant-y. Just wanted to get some things straight.