Of course you cannot use farts like a rocket with the flatulant as the missile. Any frat boy would be able to tell you that you have an insufficient power to weight ratio, although he would lie about the control nozzle.
The real question is could you use the methane of farts for a hot air balloon or dirigible? Bring along beans to throw over as ballast once they were used. How many people would be needed to get off the ground, and how many people in the gondola?
From the column:
That says it’s a matter of time vs number of passengers. Consider
volume of balloon with 30 ft diameter = (30 * 12 * 25.4 * 1/2 )[sup]2[/sup] * pi = 65669289.29 cubic mm.
At 375 cubic cm per flatus, that is 175,118 farts (+/- 1 fart).
Add weight, need more farts.
Yes, but since farts are also methane, you could burn them to create hot air! You could boof your way around the world. Who will be the first person to circumboofigate the world?
Fine, but I’ll let someone else calculate how much energy you can get from burning the farts, how much hot air that would generate, and thus whether it is more effective to burn your farts or capture them in order to power your balloon.
you might get more lift from burning the gas to produce heat. but it will be tricky. the lighter than air gas provides lift from the start, but for a hot air balloon you need to heat a large volume of air starting from ambient temperature. there will be heat loss during this process, so you may end up needing to eat more beans to get off the ground. and if flight duration is a factor, heat loss will require a steady supply of fresh product to maintain flight. so circumboofigating the world would be more likely achieved from unburned output.
Actually, most human farts contain no methane according to the excellent website ‘Facts On Farts’.
“According to Dr. James L. A. Roth, the author of Gastrointestinal Gas (Ch. 17 in Gastroenterology, v. 4, 1976) most people (2/3 of adults) pass farts that contain no methane. If both parents are methane producers, their children have a 95% chance of being producers as well…According to Dr. James L. A. Roth, a blue flame is indicative of the presence of methane in the flatus. Since methane producers are an elite group (only 1/3 of the population), an exclusive club called the Royal Order of the Blue Flame has been established that is open only to them”
Since methane is a potent greenhouse gas, perhaps we should stop methane farters breeding with other methane farters?
I just checked out the Royal Order of the Blue Flame webpage and it points out that 25% of people lighting farts injure themselves, and claims that six people have died from internal methane combustion.
Therefore to check if you are a methane farter, fart into a test-tube and ignite it there.