Traditional ethnic names, if you ask me, aren’t a problem. However, “ethnic” names - completely invented alphabet soups of letters and punctuation - are an unnecessary burden. (Cite) And overly “creative” names and spellings, to me, just scream that someone’s parents are immature and/or less-than-fully-literate. Yes, I might sounds judgmental, but when I was faced with choosing 20 job applicants to interview, from a stack of 200 or more resumes and applications? Literacy stood out. I needed people who could communicate effectively, and I had learned, over and over, that Tonia and Tony were far more likely to be literate than Tawnya and Townii. (Note that I’m not dog-whistling about any group of people. No group of people has a monopoly on choosing ridiculous names for their kids.)
Another habit I’ve noticed personally, and read about: People who accumulate real wealth don’t flaunt it. They’re not the ones buying a new Escalade every year or two, or living in the fanciest homes, or wearing tens of carats of diamonds. They habitually live below their means - buying sensible cars and driving them for 10+ years, that sort of thing. (Mind you, this doesn’t rule out spending good money on high-quality goods. It certainly makes sense, for example, to spend $200 on a pair of shoes that will last 20 years, versus $50 on a pair of shoes that will last 2 years, for example.)
I’d like to second the “moving to a better area” thing.
I used to live in rural Missouri and most people stayed there because of family roots. They had jobs at local businesses but those paid little.
To move up meant though moving to a bigger city where their were more opportunities. Or if you do live in a city, you might need to move to another, say new York or Los Angeles - or even overseas, because their can be greater job opportunities there.
Agreed. I would strongly recommend the OP (and anyone) read The Millionaire Next Door. It’s kind of an eye-opener to see how the “typical” millionaire lives and how they acquired their wealth.
This is a good idea. Even though it can be tough to raise children away from the assistance of family members, it may be worth it to get away from bad influences. It can keep the kids from being too sentimental to a geographic location.
Teach them to be socially adept - and I’m not sure you can teach it.
I have an uncle by marriage who grew up in miserable circumstances - but he is one of those charismatic guys. And while he is not rich himself (he certainly isn’t poor either), he has a lot of wealthy friends that he fits in with. He plays golf very well, which for his world opened up a lot of doors - you always wanted him on your scramble. That, combined with the ability to make small talk, to be interested in others, got him a long way.
I have a friend who is similar (though he started middle class) - his ability to what is now called “network” - but is really just being someone people want to be around - has gotten him very far. You want to spend time with him, he makes you feel better about yourself.
Don’t look at me - blindboyard was the one who advocated “poor and happy” over “rich and greedy” with no option in the middle. I don’t think that
is “capitalist America’s definition of ‘success;’” I think it’s what most people want, and I do think it’s difficult to achieve if you don’t put some thought in your career specialization.
But it’s also important to involve them even when they’re not good at sport. Somebody has to be the scorer or linesman or umpire or referee. It’s with whom they’re involved, the discipline, and being involved.
The question was how to move up the ladder, not how to tread water. It is indisputable that different degrees offer different ROI. No one has said you can’t live a happy life with a degree in Folklore.
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[li]Make your children a vessel for all of your unfulfilled expectations and unrealized hopes about yourself. [/li][li]Constantly compare their academic and social standing to the Volvo-riding rich kids at the swanky college prep high school you sent them to. [/li][li]Discourage any passions or friendships they may develop that might distract them from more economically or academically fruitful pursuits.[/li][li]Frame every small misstep, screwup, or setback on their part not as a normal part of growing up, but as personally insulting, possibly apocalyptic fuckup that has not only likely doomed their chances for ever having a successful, independent life, but also broken your heart and made you question your own worth as a mother and a human being.[/li][/ul]
With these simple steps, you can raise two economically successful children, one of whom never calls you despite living five miles away and the other who can’t make a decision about the color of his curtains without calling you for advice.
It’s smart to choose a degree that fits into the intersection between what you are good at, what you are passionate about, and what is in demand. Without some element of each, you are screwed.
But more important than that is to really dive in to your chosen field. The people who get screwed aren’t the ones who major in communications. The ones that get screwed are the ones who major in communications and don’t do much more than show up in class. The ones who really engage and work, volunteer and network in their field early and often will be fine.
I think poor parents are often not great at knowing what the most lucrative majors are, anyway. Being a doctor is still a good bet, but no so much for being a lawyer. And how many poor people know that econometrics experts and geographers are in huge demand?
I wouldn’t move to New York or LA or any BIG city to climb - they have a LOT of climbers and if you aren’t exceptional, its easy to fail.
Move to a place where you have opportunity but won’t get lost in a crowd. Where you can network. The uncle above - Ames, Iowa - nice town, college town, quite a bit of wealth. Austin would be better than Dallas. Portland would be better than Seattle. Its easier to make connections and “be someone” in St. Paul than in Minneapolis - although being so close to one another, the economic opportunities cross the river pretty easily. But unless you are Truman Capote, its hard to go from being a rural hick to “someone” in a place like New York. Plus, there is the cost of living to consider.
As a parent, take advantage of the enrichment opportunities you city offers - and being in a city big enough to offer concerts, plays and museums helps.
I am reading this thread and all the suggestions and they are good ones. But I have the absolute correct answer due to experience. You beg borrow and steal and send your kid to private school. Especially high school. An expensive one. The contact they make there will last a lifetime. Boarding school isn’t necessary. When all their friends and kids they associate with don’t think anything of their higher social class and what they will become, your own child thinks the same way. Yeah, hard work and high SAT scores are great but if you’re in a public high school, you are exposed to a lot more students who don’t care about things like that. My son has traveled the world with friends and the contacts helped him set up his own business with very little effort. His girlfriend has a substantial trust fund. At 25 they live much better than I ever will. My daughter who is 15 was just dropped off this morning at her current boyfriends house, Dad’s a corporate attorney. 10 of my houses could fit in theirs. They are going to Europe this summer and have invited her. They all seem to have the attitude that they are destined for success and my kids acquired that same attitude. “It isn’t what you know but who you know” is absolutely true. However, it is more than getting a leg up, it is feeling of confidence. Many private schools offer scholarships. However, the uniforms and technology they expect is very expensive so it does take some budgeting. I honestly think it was the best thing I did for both of them.
My point was that if you’re going to expect a lot of your children, you have to hold up your end of the bargain as well, up to and including helping them get loans.
In my high school, none of us who went to Harvard, Princeton, Yale, MIT and the like were involved with sports at all. (Well, one guy was on the golf team.) However we were all Jewish, and thus excused from any form of physical activity as Fran Leibowitz said.
One exception - my younger daughter did show jumping in junior and senior high (and in college) and our barn had a couple of millionaires. It came in handy on interviews also.
The real problem is that those hours devoted to sports could be devoted to intellectual improvement which is far more likely to pay off in the future.
First thing: recognize what your children are good at. Given Rachellelogram’s posts I’ll go with smart kids also. It is okay to push your kids, but only in the direction they want to head anyway. If they like music, and are good at music, make it happen. If not, expose them to it, but don’t try to make a kid with a tin ear a concert pianist.
The way my mother did it for me was to expose me to books at an early age, take me to the library, and provide an environment where intellectual stuff was good. I was lucky living in a neighborhood where there were a lot of people like me, but the biggest danger is for a kid who loves learning to be in an environment where this is looked down on - and people prefer sports.
Be involved in school and homework. Don’t do it, but know what it is, and be able to teach it the right way if necessary. Sometimes seeing something explained two ways helps a lot.
When your kids have books to read for English, read them also if you haven’t already. That way you can discuss them with the kids, and show that people read these books for pleasure, not just as an assignment.
Be ready to guide them to the next step. My father never went to college because of money and my mother went to a CCNY college, non-residential, so I didn’t get a lot of guidance from them. Luckily I worked in the College Office of my high school, so I had access to resources. We did a lot better for our kids. I see a lot of people around here, the parents of my kids’ friends, who are uncomfortable with college and prefer to send kids to community college not only to save money (they can afford new cars) but just because they don’t understand the benefit of living in a college environment.
I could have gone to Cooper Union for free, but they allowed me to go to MIT which was far from free, even back then. One of the best things they ever did for me.
I have a very common name, and it has screwed me over my entire life. The worst time was when someone else’s student loans appeared on my credit report, not because of fraud, but because someone at my college’s financial aid office mixed me up with another student who had the same first and last name.