This wasn’t an issue when we met and married because for many reasons (we were both penniless, and living in tiny apartments in a city foreign to both of us, etc), a dog was not at the forefront of my mind. Besides, he seemed okay with them whenever one was around so I never thought it would be an issue.
Now that our lifestyles are more suitable, my dog pangs are growing intolerable. Many women my age dream about having a baby: I dream about having a dog.
Husband is NOT into it. I’ve been working on him but don’t want to push him into something he’s not comfortable with. I don’t like playing games with guilt or blatant appeals to emotion so I’ve stopped e-mailing him pictures of pound puppies who need homes.
He has lived with dogs in the past (although they were never his - they belonged to his roommates or other people who lived in the house) and he says he really isn’t comfortable with them. He just doesn’t like to be around them. A friend of ours has a dog and he doesn’t like to spend time there.
Of course this makes no sense whatsoever to me, but I am beginning to understand that my position (“who could not love a dog?”) is just as incomprehensible to him.
He knows how much it means to me and has offered to go along with anything I choose to do. That really means a lot to me.
I am reasonably certain that if we got one, he would fall in love in time and all would be fine. However, reasonable certainty is not sufficient.
He deserves a home that he is comfortable in. No dog deserves a home where half the people don’t want him around.
If you want to get a dog, adopt an older dog instead of a puppy. Puppies are cute, but they pee on everything and chew up your things and howl if they can’t be in bed with you. I’m sure these traits would not endere him towards your dog, so it would be better to get one that is a bit older and calmer. Also, make sure he doesn’t have to do much of the gruntwork of pet ownership. My roommate has a dog that is very cute, but I just don’t like the dog because she is never home to take care of it and I do everything for the dog. I walk it, I feed it, I clean up the messes that it makes on the carpet, and I didn’t intend to sign up for dogsitting when we moved in together, so every time I look at that dog all I see is more responsibility I never wanted in the first place. If your husband doesn’t want a dog, he might come to resent it if he has to do much more than just rub their belly from time to time.
I was not a dog person either until I was around some well-trained dogs who were polite, friendly, and calm. That experience really changed my outlook toward them.
I don’t know if you should get a dog, but if you do, I strongly advise getting the dog into some good training lessons early on, and really working with the dog to make sure it’s well-behaved. That might make a big difference for your husband.
I wouldn’t be willing to hang my hat on this one, personally. Non-dog people aren’t so readily converted. And you may get the opposite reaction, actually.
How about a baby instead?
Here, let me shove my larynx over, to make some room for people to jump down my throat.
I tried the cat option, I am deathly allergic but would risk getting over it for my own cat. However, he told me in no uncertain terms he would leave me if I got a cat.
Please don’t think he’s a cold-hearted bastard. It’s largely cultural: where he’s from, people don’t keep pets. At least he’s better than his compatriot friends, who have been known to kick (!!) other people’s dogs - don’t worry, those people don’t come to our house any more! He’s more open-minded about dogs than cats because where he was brought up, dogs are just dirty and stupid, but cats are magical and very creepy.
Speaking as the dog person I am, any other pets are far too much effort to be worth the return.
Yep, that’s my thinking. Lately I’ve been thinking about rescuing a retired greyhound, they seem ideal for our situation - apartment-dwellers, we work during the day, they don’t bark or chew things or demand constant attention. I’ve promised to walk it three times a day, which I can do because I live close to work and don’t have much of a social life. I fully expect to be doing most of the work (I am, after all, a married woman … ;))
But if I was a greyhound rescue person I would not want to send one of my dogs to live with a couple like us: he would sign the papers and be supportive to only the minimum degree. (I expect the same would be true of the Humane Society, maybe Left Hand of Dorkness can offer insight?)
I think this is a big part of it. The one I met that he had lived with was poorly trained and kind of an asshole. However, he said he didn’t like my parent’s dog either, and that was a senior-citizen springer spaniel who largely ignored him in favour of me whenever we were around.
I’ve seen non-dog and dog people marry each other and get along ok. But if you do take the plunge and get a dog, you should be prepared to do ALL the work and you’ll have to be tough and not be hurt when he doesn’t fawn over Fido the way you do. Let him “tolerate” the dog and you’ll probably be way better off.
I like dogs, but I’m simply not willing to put the work into it anymore. Cats are way easier and they fit our lifestyle (and hearts) perfectly. If my husband came home with a dog, it would be his pet 100% and I’d be sure he understood that.
I mean by that is research the breed you get to be sure of its temperment. Some breeds are “We are one big happy family-I love Mom & Dad & child 1 & child 2 etc” while others are “My human is SO&SO. No-one else exisits.” Obediance training is a really good idea. Knowing what to expect from YOUR dog and how to interact productively with it will allow all members of the family to feel comfortable.
I hope that what ever you do do, it goes swimmingly.
As a non-dog person, I concur. I could get used to having one around the house, I suppose, but I would ignore it and rebuff its attempts at affection. If the dog can get used to that, then I guess it would work out OK.
Luckily, my wife doesn’t seem to care if we have a dog or not. I dislike dogs and she dislikes cats, so we’ve agreed not to have pets at all until our (still hypothetical) children beg for one. Then, maybe, a guinea pig.
I’m kind of in a bind here because there are some breeds that he would be much happier with than others - big, friendly, slobbery breeds like Labs that need a whole pile of attention and work. Or puppies, he would be amenable to a puppy. As he is not a dog person he doesn’t see how his choices would require far more work than mine!
I like greys because they seem to be quite easy but he thinks they’re ugly (which they kind of are, if you’re used to labs and spaniels, but I can see the beauty and cuteness and loveable-ness even if he can’t) and would probably feel silly walking a dog that was wearing a coat (as would I, but I would get over it if it was MY dog). I’d also be happy with a little dog but he wouldn’t.
Seeing as I’m not expecting him to do any of the work I don’t think he should get much say in what kind of dog. On the other hand, if he had input he would be more likely (but still not certain) to help.
You know, I always used to wonder about people who would write off potential mates just because they aren’t the appropriate religion, and such. Now I can kind of see it. Of course I love my husband but let this be a lesson to other dog people about how important it is to screen for these things ahead of time!
Don’t count on the not-barking, not-chewing thing. Greyhounds are still dogs, and I’ve got a greyhound who will bark his head off at people walking around outside, thunder, etc. He’s also the same dog that accidently shut himself in the office while we were at work and then tried to chew his way out - the room looked like a tornado hit it when I got home.
Our very first greyhound had adjustment issues and would HOWL when we were out of his sight. It took a few months for him to learn that he was OK alone and that we’d be back. That wouldn’t have gone well in an apartment situation. Also, will your landlord let you have a dog that size?
I love greyhounds, and I love to see them placed in good homes, but I think people need to realize that they still will act like dogs and be ready to deal.
That said, though, your DH might come to like having a greyhound, since they have short, non-oily coats and thus don’t get stinky like a dog with a heavier, oilier coat would.
Perhaps you could offer to foster a dog (a greyhound or any other purebred, for that matter) for a rescue/adoption group? That way it wouldn’t be a permanent placement, unless it worked out for everyone and you wanted it to be. I think letting the group know up front that you’d like a dog but can’t be sure about keeping it permanently is much better than signing all the papers to adopt and then sending the dog back if it doesn’t work.
I know, I know. But aren’t they more chilled-out, overall?
That’s a good idea. It would break my heart to fall in love with a dog and then have to give it up, but in spite of this it may be an ideal solution. I will mention it to the husband, it seems like a good compromise.
It really depends on the dog. Many are quite laid back. My boy, at times, is like a fruit fly on crack. A good adoption group will know their dogs and point you to one that is most likely to suit your needs, but of course once the pup is in a new situation with new people, sometimes new behaviors emerge. Greyhounds are sensitive, for the most part, so if your husband has complete disdain for it that could be a problem. YMMV.
Well, dogs inevitably get sick and die and break people’s hearts too, so I guess we just have to put up with that part to get the good parts .
Having a trial run, for the sake of the dog (and your husband’s feelings too), can really show you what things are going to be like.
You could also offer to dogsit a friend’s well-behaved dog and see how that goes - there wouldn’t be the option there of keeping it, at least, so it’d be hard to get too attached.
.