I looked on usajobs.gov but it’s not there. (I see they need a new forklift operator, too.)
Yeah, I know Obama probably already has someone lined up, but I think I can do just as good a job in that position as some of those others—at least as good as that Thomas guy–and how is he going to know about me, if I can’t apply?
I think you’ll need to take the bull by the horns. Drive on down to the White House, leap the fence and sprint as fast as you can toward the Oval Office. I’m sure once Obama sees your go-getted-ness, you’ll be a shoe-in.
I don’t know–wouldn’t that come across as a little bit pushy?
But then Obama will think that you want a job in the White House.
What you need to do is break into Scalia’s office. Then look up Obama’s direct phone number, and call.
Send your resume to:
But don’t hold your breath. I suggest you point out the fresh and open mind you would bring to the great legal questions of our day.
One thing’s pretty much for sure: you have the same likelihood of being confirmed by this Congress as the actual nominee will have. 
Good point. Maybe while you’re running toward the executive offices on the White House grounds you can shout aloud your great respect for a deity to show how spiritual and moral you are. That should calm all fears.
In fact, if you really want the job, it doesn’t hurt to display a respect for diversity. Therefore, pick a foreign language in which to scream “God is Great!”
I hope you’ll remember all this sterling advice when you’re looking for a clerk.
You have to be in the club. The first requirement is that you went to either Harvard or Yale, like all the other current Justices.
Don’t be so sure about that. I’ve been perfecting my job interview skills for those guys by watching Youtube videos like this one, suggesting stragetic small talk comments. (“What a great location!” and “I see you have an open plan office.”)
And if you don’t make it on the Supreme Court, why not try applying to be an astronaut? Your chances are probably the same for either.
Also print out your resume on hot pink paper with comic sans font. You want it to stand out and be memorable among all the others that Obama is looking at.
You don’t wait until the last minute list this. It’s a civil service position. You need to sign up and take a test beforehand. Then you get your name on the list and wait for an opening.