Ok, so I realize this isn’t some type of counseling site, and many of you may not want to read about my depressing story. But I didn’t have anyone else I could express these feelings to w/o feeling embarrassed. (Psychologists are outta the question-- 2 expensive)… Ok, so ever since I was 10yrs old I’ve had this major fear of getting older. I never got excited over birthdays, like most kids. I dreaded them! If I had it my way, I’d stay a kid forever.
I literally went into a deep depression due to this fear; it was right after my freshman yr in HS ended. I went from feeling like a kid 1 day to suddenly realizing adulthood was only 1 chapter away. The mere thought of becoming an adult made me feel sad and terrified. When I say I was depressed over this, I mean REALLY depressed. I was having suicidal thoughts. Though a lot of it had to do with the fact that I had a very lonely childhood (I didn’t have friends growing up), and well knowing that I’d never be able to get those yrs back made me depressed. I can look back at the old me (at age 14) and laugh, now, because 14 and 17 sounds so young to me now.
Well, I’m almost 23 and I’m starting to feel almost as depressed as I did when I was 14. But It’s not just because I’m getting older. My parents; my siblings. We’re all getting so olld! My parents are approaching 50 and it’s funny bcus I’m old enough to remember when they were around my age. My brother is 27 (he’s 2 close to 30!) and my sister will be 25. I wish we were all still teenagers living in the same house. I miss those days. Funny, it feels like it was just yesterday. I still can’t believe I’m as old as I am. Feels like I was a senior graduating from high school just 2yrs ago. It was actually 5yrs ago. It actually seems like I should be making 21–not 23. It seems like time gets shorter every yr. Stuff that happened a whole year ago feels like it happened 5months ago. stuff that happened 3yrs ago feels like it happened a year & 1/2 ago. When I’m 40, I guess 2 yrs will start to feel like 6months?
How do I stop obsessing over this!? I have my moments where I don’t feel sad about it; I actually feel hopeful and fortunate. But then 5minutes later the negative thoughts start to reappear into my brain. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. Can anyone else relate to what I’m going through???