The problem is this: I want to be able to drink a big cup of coffee at the moment my alarm goes off. This is because, on those mornings when I’ve had only two or three hours to sleep, my brain—in its half-wakened state–comes up with all kinds of devious ways to convince me to go back to sleep, such as:
“Oh, it’s too late to get to work in time anyway. Go back to sleep and you can call in sick.” [A lie.]
“You might be coming down with something. Better sleep some more.” [Another lie.]
“That was a really important dream you were just having. Better go back to sleep in order to finish it.” [Dubious. How important can one dream be?]
It’s true; my brain really says things like this when the alarm goes off. And it can get away with them only at that critical moment of awaking. At other times it behaves.
Anyway, I know that if I could just down a big cup of coffee right when the alarm goes off, I’d snap into wakefulness, and be able to ignore my brain’s deceptions. HOWEVER, every time I put a big thermos of delicious coffee next to the alarm before going to sleep, my brain conveniently “forgets” that it’s there when the alarm goes off. Normally I look forward to a good cup of coffee, but at this time it’s like my brain is trying to “hide” the coffee from my consciousness so I don’t drink it. Lazy brain!
I’ve thought of putting a coffee maker next to the bed, so it starts brewing when the alarm goes off, and the aroma of the fresh coffee will override the brain’s machinations. But that would require someone else’s approval, and she isn’t keen on having a coffee maker brewing on the night table. And I don’t like drip coffee.
I’ve also thought of putting the alarm inside a box or something upon which the coffee sits, so that I have to remove the coffee in order to turn off the alarm.
When I only get a few hours sleep, I like to think of several different personae. There’s the party me, the responsible me, etc. So, it is the responsible me who has to get up and go to work. He’s all pissed off at party me, but party me has some foggy memories of the great time I had, so he flips responsible me the bird.
Your issue is that you have no reason to physically get out of your bed when the alarm goes off. I’ve solved this issue by setting two alarms in the morning. One is my cell phone which I sleep with in my bed. The other is my computer, and is really loud and annoying and plays a song that I hate (on loop). So I have to get out of bed and turn it off, and by then I’m alert enough not to trick myself into falling back asleep.
If you don’t have a computer in your bedroom, you could buy yourself a loud alarm clock that doesn’t have a snooze or auto-shutoff function, and put it across the room from your bed.
I wish I could trick my brain into falling back asleep. I wake up before any alarm clock (if I set one) and lay there thinking “what will another 20 minutes of sleep buy me now? I may as well get up and get on with it.”
Stupid brain.
Get the bacon alarm clock, if you like bacon. It fries a piece of bacon in the morning and may entice you to eat it.
There is an alarm clock that, when it goes off, a piece of it detaches and flies all over the room and to shut it off, you have to get up and go after it.
If you are sleeping with someone, and she refuses to let you have the coffeemaker next to the bed, why can’t she sort of force-feed you the coffee? I’m all for letting your bedmate sleep in, but if you think you have a way of making it work and she is actively getting in the way of that method, then it behooves her to find a way.
Why are you going to sleep so late that you sometimes only get 2 or 3 hours of sleep?
Also, are you my husband?
I wish I had some advice for you other than to go to sleep earlier. But that’s easier said than done if you have insomnia. If that’s your problem, I’d worry about that.
For what it’s worth, I frequently get just 3-4 hours of sleep a night, though not by choice or because of something I do. My daughter has this past month begun to get her final few teeth. It’s slow-going and painful for both of us. The growth spurt she’s apparently hit isn’t helping, either.
The only thing getting me out of bed is that our entire family schedule gets thrown off if I don’t. If I’m not up and showered, no one gets where they’re supposed to be on time because my husband simply doesn’t get up unless someone levers him out. I’m not the center of the universe, but I do seem to be the family timekeeper. If you have a timekeeper living with you, perhaps they can help you out. However, I will warn you that if you have a timekeeper and she constantly wakes you up to help you, she will eventually get pissed if you don’t manage to get up even with help, especially if you have her wake you up, refuse to get up and complain about it later.
Alternatively, I’d second rachelellogram’s suggestion and make sure you have to get out of bed to turn off your clock.
Well, that’s part of it, but unfortunately not the whole thing. Often I put my alarm on the other side of the room–I “hide” it, but that doesn’t matter. Even the physical effort of Clocky Ticky is not enough to outwit my brain, I think.
Really, it’s the coffee I want. My purpose is to drug my brain into obedience.
I’m afraid my brain isn’t particularly impressed by bacon.
Hmm. I think I’ll try this…but it’s going to take some persuasion. Thanks!
Drink just the right amount of water before you go to bed- my amount is 20-30 ounces- that means you won’t have to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but when the alarm goes off, you need to go now. You might have to experiment with different amounts to find the golden ratio.
I find that making a deal with my brain helps, e.g. “Look, you don’t have to go to work. Just get up and drink the coffee, and then see how you feel.”
Here are some lies I tell my brain:
“Look, you don’t have to do your whole work out set. Just go to the gym and get on the machines for a few minutes and see how it goes.”
“Look, you don’t have to stay at work all day. Just go in, and if you keep feeling crappy, then just come home.”
“Look, I know it’s hot, but just go out and start mowing. If you feel really awful then you can stop and work on it tomorrow, but at least get the front yard mowed.”
Fortunately, my brain is stupid and these things work. I go and then I feel fine and I do the things.
fluiddruid, I like those. In the past I’ve made such deals for myself. I don’t have to work out today, but I do have to bring my gym bag with me to work, and I have to walk into the gym. It’s OK if I just walk right back out again.
Another method is far more extreme, but is almost guaranteed to work. Find an accountability partner, preferably not your wife. Write him a check for $1000, which he’s not allowed to cash. Every day you have to e-mail him telling him that you drank the coffee. On the day you don’t e-mail him, he gets to cash the check and spend the money on something fun for himself. Or he can donate it to charity. Preferably a charity that you don’t believe in.