This is really my own fault. I brought it on myself, I admit, but damn, I didn’t think that it would be this bad. I have a friend, who despite my best efforts, is what you’d call a little dim. Won’t go into the details, but he’s 24, served time in jail and incredibly naive. Imagine that. Anyway, as a joke I copied someone’s sig (When the pin is pulled, Mr.Grenade is no longer our friend. 
) I saw here and sent it to him, figuring it’d fire up the paranoid part of his mind (roughly 90%) and give me a few yucks. Low and behold, he gets my e-mail and IMs me. Here’s the transcript of what occurred:
He says:
hey what are you doing? what exactly did that last e-mail mean? are you alright?
He says:
hello
I says:
What e-mail?
He says:
the grenade e-mail
I says:
What do you think it meant?
He says:
?
He says:
i dont know, that is why i am asking
I says:
It meant that when you pull the pin out of Mr. Handgrenade he is no longer our friend, for reasons that should be pretty obvious.
He says:
who is mr.handgrenade?
I says:
Who do you think? Didn’t you ever see those “edumacational” films as a kid with “Mr. Automobile” or “Reddy Kilowatt the electron”?
He says:
no
I says:
How 'bout the Simpsons where they go see the film on nuclear power or the telephone guy or the cows at the slaughterhouse?
He says:
where are you going with this?
I says:
Mr. Handgrenade is a character based on the same principle.
He says:
i dont like this guy already
I says:
Why? He’s your friend as long as you leave the pin in him.
He says:
unless you introduce him to someone or thing
I says:
Nah, he’s okay, just don’t take his pin out.
He says:
i dont know, i would rather not involve myself with someone whom is so explosive
He says:
i suppose however that we all have pins
I says:
You’re learning son, you’re learning.
He says:
some are pin cousions
He says:
coushins
I says:
Mr. Handgrenade doesn’t need a pin coushin.
He says:
perhaps he does when he has a family gathering in the fallout convention
I says:
Doubtful. Most grenades don’t have fallout.
He says:
they do fall when you throw them
I says:
But that’s not what fallout is.
He says:
no kidding
He says:
it was a metaphore
I’ve done some altering to the text ('twas a cut-n-paste job) to make it more readable, but I’ve not altered anything either one of us said. But, Jesus, man, can’t you understand a joke? I suppose this might seem stupid to me because I know the guy and know all his little foibles (He’s spent 90% of his life in TN, but bashes the English for what they did in Scotland 200+ years ago because it MIGHT have harmed one of his ancestors.), but damn, I didn’t expect this! I dunno. It just blows my mind. That and the fact that CHICKS DIG THE GUY!!! I mean it, he’s always got like 10 or more drop-dead gorgeous women hanging around him and I can’t figure out why. He’s not the brightest guy (He’s in school to be a computer programmer, what do you think he does when his PC screws up? He calls me, the 3 or 4 time college drop-out who hasn’t had a computer class since 1986!!! He’s a straight “A” student, but can barely navigate the web. No danger in him seeing this post!) and he’s always freaking out about something minor ("I got a ‘B’ on my paper, now I’ll never get a job!!! WAAAAHHHHH!)and keeping me up at night whilst I talk him down from the ceiling because he’s had another panic attack (and, yes, he is medicated for these things, does it work? I’d have to say no. Gives me pause everytime I think about going to see a shrink.) ARGGHH! I feel like some goddamn cartoon villian who’s surrounded by idiots!!! Thank you for letting me vent my spleen.