I recently had an a rather upsetting and unsettling experience with a former high school classmate, one whom I respect quite highly and who also happens to be black. Our interaction was re a couple of FB posts I came across on his feed. These posts were discussing the “white supremacist patriarchy” that the U.S. is founded upon and upon which racism today currently thrives. Both posts were “shared” posts of black-rights activists and both were posted in a relatively short period of time.
As a white, middle-class man, I felt a sense of disconnect from the trauma and struggle that I saw in the words that I read in those posts. Intellectually I understood them but I had no personal experience of being on the victimization end of a culture that is/was made to keep the white man in the position of power at the expense of other racial groups (most notably the black community). I’m not an activist, at least not currently and officially. I first need to be an “activist” in the multi-pronged disaster that is the current state of my own life (;)). But inequality is something that is always on my radar and something that I will push back against every time no matter what, considering that I myself am a member of a very marginalized minority group: the disabled community.
So when I came across these FB posts that made me think about these issues of racism in our country, I felt that familiar racing energy of my mind becoming engaged in critical thought process. There is nothing better than that quickening of the pulse and that fast paced movement in your brain that allows it to seemingly operate in a higher gear that it’s normal every day “cruise control”. This is what I felt as I began digesting the words of these knowledgeable black men and women and listen to them tell any who would/could listen just what they felt the ugly truth behind our country’s cultural infrastructure was and is and what it would continue to be if not exterminated.
My old HS classmate, not quite a friend but definitely a friendly acquaintance, was someone I’ve always respected for his intelligence, independence of thought and ability to speak his mind in disagreeable company. It was for these reasons, but even more importantly, because he was a black man living in America, that I turned immediately to him (he also being the source of the shared posts) and sought his perspective. It was, in my eyes, the ideal place to begin my journey of enlightenment, introspection and ultimately application of those things to affecting change.
It was due to all these reasons and more that in seeking his perspective, I asked him what he thought, given the direct impact this racist partriarchy has had on him, might be some effective strategies or means of combating this evil white supremacist patriarchy? It seemed an ideal starting point, in no small part, because this was one of the first times I had read about so many facets of oppression tied together in a coherent package and it was coming from the shared experiences of black men and women, one of which was the man who brought these words and experiences to perhaps to largest forums to be seen by others, namely Facebook. He obviously wanted more people (like me!) who could never actually experience the traumas inflicted by this racism, and had to have the privilege-encased veils lifted from their eyes in order to see the truth of this nasty story that was euphemistically labeled “The American Dream”.
As a white man who had never experienced racism or poverty, I freely acknowledge that I had benefitted greatly from the protections and comforts of white privilege. I’d probably describe white privilege as the “privilege of not having to”. Not having to worry about police abusing and killing you. Not having to worry about beiing seen as a threat and having the cops called on you, simply for being “black and in public”. Not having to worry about making sure you don’t show (justified) anger in situations as a black woman, lest your legitimate anger just be used against you as “proof” you’re just “an angry black woman”. And on and on. This privilege of not ever having to worry about the myriad little and not so little things that minorities have to worry about every single day is basically the world of middle-class America.
And this was the world from which I was emerging to ask my black classmate who so kindly shared these words on FB what his thoughts were in re to finally eliminating this behemoth of racial hate, oppression and bigotry. I was, and still am, not prepared for his answer. It was…
“Google is your friend”. Basically he said, this is not my issue, this is a white man’s issue. I wont do your homework for you. I have nothing for you. Try Google. I am still stunned and unable to grok what exactly happened. According to this black man, who has spent his entire life living under a racist patriarchy, even getting the most basic, vague precursors to the answers to these incredibly difficult questions about how to re-structure our entire national identity (foundation?) was something that white people had to look only to other white people for answers and understanding. It was a white man’s problem after all, this white supremacist patriarchy, so it was incumbent on whites, and whites alone, to figure out the solutions.
It didn’t matter how I came at this rather vexing obstacle, I was stonewalled. My words were grossly mischaracterized, misused, taken out of context. Other black friends of his on fb were coming in to the conversation, condemning me as a “portrait of the white supremacist patriarchy” and being “willfully obtuse”. All had the singular message of “figure this shit out yourself”.
But that was exactly where I had the strongest disagreement with anything that had been said. I have used a wheelchair as a paraplegic for the past 20 years, I am 40 years old. During this time, I have become acutely aware of all the insidious ways in which the disabled community in general, and wheelchair users specifically, are marginalized and treated as second class citizens by the world at large. In seeking to dismantle this society that sees wheelchair users as living lives that are simply unlivable by most able-bodied perspectives and preconceptions, the last thing I would suggest is for all those ignorant able-bodied people with their heads full of misconceptions, stereotypical “truths”, unspoken assumptions and bigoted unchallenged beliefs, to all get together and figure out how to stop being all those things. No, they need to be shown just how all those things affect the realities of the disabled people that they are directed towards. And that requires the perspectives and input from those very disabled people that all those ignorant able-bodied people are trying to figure out how to treat more equitably.
While there are certainly many differences, I’d say that is a very similar situation to that of dismantling the white supremacist patriarchy. The last thing that someone who is interested in getting rid of this ugly part of our country’s identity should do is tell all the members of that cozy middle class white privilege-benefitting community, who are all quite nicely oblivious to that which they don’t have to worry about, to form a group to figure out the best way forward towards dismantiling that racist patriarchy. That patriarchy that they’ve never had a reason to acknowledge or realize even existed. Another “not having to worry” benefit to white privilege. Probably the biggest and most meaningful privilege of all, that of never having to ever realize that privilege ever even exists in the first place.
How can this be a “white man only” problem? If that is how it is to be viewed, then it will forever be a “white man’s only” problem to solve but also forever be a problem to all the minorities as to how to survive it. Of course, I see it as a human problem. The white man does need to figure out how to change the evil, racist foundations that his original powers have always rested upon. But doing that is impossible without constant input, dialogue and the baring of of wounds from those that this violent empire has mercilessly victimized in order to maintain power.
My classmate and his friends treated me like I was part of the problem. Literally calling me “an embodiment of the white supremacist patriarchy”. My words were denigrated. As if I were actually part of what needed to be dismantled. When I was callled “willfully obtuse” I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of irony.
Sorry for the much too long post here. If anyone has stomached reading this entire thing, I really really really would appreciate your input. About whether I am blind to something that would explain my classmate’s reaction or feedback of any sort.