How can you Steal from your Mom...! (angry rant)

The BBQ Pit
1

How low do you have to be to steal from your elderly, nursing home residenced Mom? Seriously, I want to know. Isn’t it below selling bogus insurance policies door-to door? Isn’t it below selling a used car that has sawdust in the oil to make it run smooth and a rolled-back odometer? Isn’t it almost as low as slipping a barfly a Mickey & then harvesting their kidneys? I guess I just need to know.

I need to know because apparently, I’m related to someone who has done this. Technically, I’m related to Two people who have done this… and I’m just fucking Appalled.

Dad died a few years ago & left everything to Mom. Evidently, that didn’t sit too well for one sister who has Always spent beyond her means. Mom, being in her mid- 80s, just wasn’t able to live by herself any longer. Together, as a group, she and her children decided to find her an ‘Assisted Living Facility’. We found a nice one and she has enough friends and activities to keep her younger looking than she has in years. Life is Good for her.

Lately, however, she’s been worried about her money. I wondered why: I know Dad left her enough to be comfortable with till the end of her days. It seems however, that Dad’s executor had answered every inquiry she had with “you’re fine, you’re fine” without producing any solid proof. :dubious:

A good sister and I asked for more detailed information and made a scheduled appointment to go over her holdings. The result was that less than half of her holdings are even tracked down; there are stocks with missing certificates, accounts where the account numbers are lost…basically slipshod half-assed accounting. Beyond that, which is appalling in itself, we found out about ‘The Loans’. :mad:

Evidently, Evil Bitch Sister has borrowed, with the Executor’s permission and interest free, Over $40,000 of principal from my Mom’s trust!!! There are No repayment terms and no signed note: Its just Fucking Gone. Now, I should tell you that Evil Bitch Sister (EBS) has Zero capacity to repay. She’s been living in a mansion & driving euro sedans for years…but she’s spent all the equity out of the house, the cars are leased, and frankly, she couldn’t swing an additional loan for a Wet Book of Matches. She even has asked Mom to borrow more money. (I’ve spoken to Mom; she’s agreed to refer her to me the second she asks) Evidently, the loan is to be paid back “out of her share of the inheritance”. Excuse You, Bitch, But Who Gave You The Right To Shovel Dirt In My Mom’s Face…?

But that’s not even all of it. Evidently the Executor has Also borrowed $40,000.00 and under the Exact Same Terms!!! They’re putting up new aluminium siding on his house As You Read This!!! She too, is in no position to repay her loan. Her tax return business barely pays the mortgage and her husband’s salary is pitiful at best. Unfortunately, the executive is also a relative, so we won’t be pressing charges against her either. But I’ve done an amortization table based on the returns of what’s left. Evidently, if my mom lives for 10 more years without any major expenses beyond normal living, she won’t exhaust her funds. But one major illness or hospital stay or if she lives to be 100…she’ll be a pauper: dead broke.

Now I know that grabbing those two Bitches and shaking them upside-down until money falls out of their pockets would feel good…but I know it wouldn’t get Mom’s money back. That and getting myself jailed isn’t going to help things. If I snapped both of their evil Y-chromosome challenged necks, their scumbag spouses would still find a way to steal more. Basically, aside from ranting here, there’s not One Damn Thing I Can Do about it. :mad:

How do I protect Mom from her Own Damn Family…? Do I even have the Right to…?

2

Call a lawyer. Soon.

Stealing from you mom is really low.

3

A close friend of mine dealt with a similar situation with her FIL and SIL. FIL needed almost constant care, SIL needed a place to live. Seemed like a good match. Turns out SIL was taking her father’s painkillers in addition to raiding his bank account. Once my friend and her husband (son of the old man) figured out what was going on, they brought FIL into their home, closed all accounts the SIL had access to, and pretty much kicked her out on the street. FIL, tho frail, is much improved after receiving consistent care, and by living with his son and my friend, his remaining funds can stretch farther.

But how the woman could have done that to her poor, sick father is beyond me.

4

Call a lawyer now. The executor has a fiduciary duty to your father’s estate. She and your sister are ripping your mom off, and the only way to stop her and get the money back is to get a lawyer. Courts really come down on fiduciaries who violate their duty to an estate and the beneficiaries.

I don’t care if they are family–they’re stealing from your mom, who’s supposed to have enough money to keep her safe and happy until she dies, and they’re stealing from you and your other sister, who presumably are beneficiaries under your mother’s will. Of course, she’s your primary concern right now. How do you think your father would feel if he knew that he had done his best to provide for his wife, only to have it stolen from her? Family is nice, but family that steals is not family at all.

I work in legal publishing (I’m a lawyer who edits books on estates law). This kind of shit happens all the time. You need to look out for your mom’s best interests, since the executor is violating her fiduciary duty, and your sister is, IMHO, scuz. You don’t owe them anything–you only need to take care of your mom. Get yourself to an estates attorney, ASAP.

5

I am a lawyer, and deal in probate, estate planning issues.

Talk to one now. There’s a lot of ways to stop the ‘leakage’ without actually having to press charges. You should also get the executor to step down, possibly under threat of pressing charges.

And I would press charges against the executor anyway.

6

My dad’s family has a number of bad apples, as well. My aunt has, at least twice, actually physically stolen my grandmother’s Social Security checks out of her mailbox and forged her endorsement to cash them. We’re not talking about a woman who had a comfortable amount of money tucked away (not that that makes your mother’s situation any less evil, quietman), but a woman who depended on that SS benefit from month to month.

It took hours to calm my dad enough not to go hunt his sister down when he found out about it.