Under the law, I’m not sure anyone can consent to being a crime victim. It’s a misnomer.
Do you imagine, if you could press pause and inquire, “Do you wish this beating to continue?”, either would say, “Oh, yes please!” Of course not. It should be called by what it is serial domestic violence.
They are both victims, and they are both perpetrators, they should both be charged. Every time. As it should be reported. Every time. Because beating your spouse is either a crime, or it’s not. But mostly because that is how this kind of violence, is stopped.
You have to sensitive up the police force, get them out there every damn time, laying charges, courts levying fines and jail time. As specified for the crime of spousal abuse, in the criminal code. People have to report and cops have to know action will be taken, by the courts, to make it worth their while to pursue. You have to alter the law slightly so the police officer, after a few visits, can put an end to the shit by charging and processing both combatants.
But mostly you gotta get people not to just look the other way, and apathetically assume, nothing will happen anyway.
I currently volunteer with a clinic that includes help for domestic violence.
Many of these people (not all of them women) don’t see any help or any resources or any hope. What they see is: “I’m not that badly hurt. My situation isn’t that bad, I guess. The neighbor lady is a single mom and she is getting evicted and her kids are hungry. My kids are getting food and they have a roof over their heads and he hasn’t done anything to them. It’s worth staying to keep them from being homeless. No one cares about me. The shelters are full. The city is trying to save money. If I complain I’ll be deported and won’t see my kids ever again. If I complain they won’t believe me and he’ll get the kids. If I complain, my parents will think I’m a whore for abandoning my husband. If I complain, I’m admitting that I am weak. If I complain, he’ll kill me. If I complain, my life will be over. I’m still alive. It must not be so bad.”
No, not every woman has every one of these thoughts, and some of the thoughts are irrational or false. But the courts or the cops can only do so much, and the resources aren’t there (at least in LA) to help everyone who needs help. The thousands of homeless on the streets are living examples of how few resources are out there (and I’m sure seeing the homeless scares some of the DV victims even more).